my poor DS - damn teenagers

ergh... this is the part of parenting that i think i have been dreading for a very long time.. the complexities of having teenage children...

Poor DS has come home today & spilt his beans on a few things that have been bothering him - i think he just didnt know how to deal with it internally anymore...

A few weeks back, his little girlfriend blindsided him & dumped him at school.. he was heartbroken - he really liked this girl.. i was mad at her - but of course kept that to myself. Turns out that this girlfriend now has a girlfriend of her own!! no wonder she dumped him.. LOL... they are 13 - he'll be 14 in Jan.. He just doesnt know what to think.. poor thing.

& he now tells me that one of his besties at school is cutting herself!! OMG... he has known about it for a while, but thought that he could help her... bless him - he has such a good soul.. he now realises that he cant cause she isnt stopping!! In comes super mum!! LOL well, i will be super mum if i can help her.. he is going to talk to her about coming out here with us on weekends & after school... she has troubles at home & is being bullied by other girls being called obese (she is nowhere near obese) & being told she is a waste of the oxygen she breathes!! How mean are teenage girls... OMG... in the meantime, i need to make an appointment at the school to talk to the principal & school councillor sad

wish me luck everyone.. not an issue i realy thought that i would be dealing with until my DD was older TBH. I am so proud of my big boy - it took a lot for him to open up about this stuff...

He sounds like a beautiful kid. he has a heart of gold just like his mum. wink
xxx

OC1246 wrote:
He sounds like a beautiful kid. he has a heart of gold just like his mum. wink
xxx

+1

Naww *hugs* To your amazing young man. He has a beautiful heart smile if only there were more like him! My bro is the same still even now he's 17! N he gets picked on for being a gentleman n sweetheart too - how sad!
Good on your good man trying to help as much as he can though smile we need more kids like that and less bullies!! Xx

Your son sounds like such a beautiful, loving young man smile

I'm really not looking forward to the teenager years...teenage girls are horrible! I hope that my kids are like your son, and feel comfortable and willing to talk to me about anything they want to.

Good luck with the meetings, and trying to get the girl to come to your place - it sounds like she needs some extra care. xx

what a lot to deal with for your beautiful boy, it is so good he feels he can talk to you and trust you.

GL to him and his bestie, I hope you can help her get the support she needs to get through this.
Big hugs to you both

and on the topic of girls being biatches, it starts way too young - I see it at school and I teach kindy! these girls are 4-5 yrs old. Urgh.

Thanks girls
Sometimes i look at him & i think - ergh - you are soooo annoying & i wish you would grow up & move out already... LOL.. but then other times he shows me that he really is still just my baby boy & i wish that he will live me forever!! haha

13/14 is just waaaay too young IMO to be dealing with this crap.. my DS has no idea - he had no real idea that kids dont feel 'loved' by their parents until this year when all this stuff started coming up with his friends. He had no idea that parents didnt 'care' what their kids were doing or where they were!! LOL.. He told me today that he is so lucky to have such great parents that love him so much!! I just cant believe that at 13 there are kids that KNOW they are not loved/cared for. I wish they could all live with us!! DS started to lie to us etc so that he could hang out with these friends, but he very soon realised that we kept finding out the truth & that he was gettign into more trouble for lying than for the other 'kid' stuff that they were getting up to!! He quickly realised that he has no reason to lie to us & that if he wants to go somewhere all he has to do is ask & the answer is usually yes, but for some reason if it is no, we always offer up an alternative.

I'm feeling pretty good about our parenting at the moment to be honest - which makes a nice change from the tween years when everything was soooo difficult & i wondered wether we were actually getting anywhere.

Ilovemylilbugs wrote:
OMG this is stuff my 16 yr old bil deals with its getting younger and younger sad
I think being bi or lesbian in school is a "cool" thing one of my best friends is bi and had a gf in school but I still feel like oh Lordy when I see the girls in highschool all over one another there is a "couple" at bil's school at the moment mmmm who knows blink poor thing that wouldn't help the self esteem at all being dropped for a chick poor possum he sounds like a sweet lil guy and will get a new non batting for the other team gf soon smile
The cutting is a sensitive is scary sad you have raised a wonderful boy hun what a kind heart he has to try and fix her. That's a wonderful idea to get her out to your house too I hope she gets the help she needs sad teen girls can be so cruel bullying is a real serious thing and it needs to be stamped out!! I worry too when my girls are in highschool as it seems worse for girls as try can be so bitchy!

Edited to add I don't think all bi and what not in school are doing it to be cool obviously as one of my closest friends is bi grin just thought I'd chuck that out there incase people took me the wrong way smile

i tend to think that too about being gay/bi as cool as well (of course no ALL kids as well )... so different to when we were kids...
but holy cow, kids are MEAN these days. The worst we would say to someone was i hate you, i dont want to be your friend anymore & now they bully so much, with such hatred that kids kill themselves... i wish it could get stamped out too.. so sad.. you just cant seem to win as a teen these days.

I really worry about this one that is cutting herself tho - that's really scary.

jazool wrote:
and on the topic of girls being biatches, it starts way too young - I see it at school and I teach kindy! these girls are 4-5 yrs old. Urgh.

WHAAAAT?
that's really bad.

DD is 5 & i cant say that we have witnessed any bullying or mean bitchiness at this stage, but they have certainly been pushing the boundaries to make sure that they all know who's the at the top of the food chain - IYKWIM.

Chiliwoman wrote:
jazool wrote:
and on the topic of girls being biatches, it starts way too young - I see it at school and I teach kindy! these girls are 4-5 yrs old. Urgh.

WHAAAAT?
that's really bad.

DD is 5 & i cant say that we have witnessed any bullying or mean bitchiness at this stage, but they have certainly been pushing the boundaries to make sure that they all know who's the at the top of the food chain - IYKWIM.

arrghh - just accidently hit report - sorry!!

I know it absolutely freaks me out!!
the girls in my current class are quiet good, just the normal - your not my friend anymore when someone won't play with them etc. which is a behaviour I still want to stop so it doesnt escalate....

but i have seen girls who whisper and stare and move away from their 'victim' in lineor during group time on the floor, just to make them feel cr*ap. In another class I volunteerd with the girls were prep age (5-6) and would organise a day in advance how to wear their hair the followng day, and anyone who didnt have the "right" hairstyle was excluded that day. it makes me so sad. my DD1 is in prep and DD2 is still only a toddler, I just hope I can raise my girls wiht enough self esteem to get through it (and my DS too)

Ilovemylilbugs wrote:
jazool wrote:
and on the topic of girls being biatches, it starts way too young - I see it at school and I teach kindy! these girls are 4-5 yrs old. Urgh.

Dd1 is in preschool and I know what ya mean!! Dd1 was having some days at the start of term were she was sad I knew something wasn't right turns out one lil girl was excluding dd1 I called the teacher to talk about after I hung the phone up I just cried and cried I couldn't believe one child could make my sweet lil girl who
Is so friendly feel so sad sad but the teacher sorted it out and all is well the little girl got between dd and her best lil friend and told dd1 to go away and that she couldn't play with her friend anymore sooo glad it's all sorted now!

Glad its all good now- it is just heart breaking,

Good on you for stepping up! Hope you can help sort things out!

You sound alot like my mum! We quite often had others stay at our house as things were not good at home! Mind you, mum is a school teacher so kind of knew most the kids anyway! Which helped!

Like you, she was one of the stricter ones who always knew where we were, but if you were honest there was always a compromise. We could go but she did the drop off and pickup at a set time. She usually dropped half the others home too whos parents had no idea where they were or could not be bothered to get out of bed and pick them up!

My mum always said,"I'd rather get up at 3am and travel 30 minutes each way to pick you up, as then I can sleep well until pickup time rather than lying in bed worried you are getting in a car with someone who is off their face! Then I can sleep in peace once I get home after picking you up!"

Sounds like you are doing a great job Chiliwoman!

I'm dreading the teenage years!

boofarama wrote:
Good on you for stepping up! Hope you can help sort things out!

You sound alot like my mum! We quite often had others stay at our house as things were not good at home! Mind you, mum is a school teacher so kind of knew most the kids anyway! Which helped!

Like you, she was one of the stricter ones who always knew where we were, but if you were honest there was always a compromise. We could go but she did the drop off and pickup at a set time. She usually dropped half the others home too whos parents had no idea where they were or could not be bothered to get out of bed and pick them up!

My mum always said,"I'd rather get up at 3am and travel 30 minutes each way to pick you up, as then I can sleep well until pickup time rather than lying in bed worried you are getting in a car with someone who is off their face! Then I can sleep in peace once I get home after picking you up!"

Sounds like you are doing a great job Chiliwoman!

I'm dreading the teenage years!

thanks Boof - that is exactly how i feel & thats exactly how it will be for our kids...
my dad was a police officer & that is how our childhood was..
he once got up at 3am, drove 1 hr to pick my friend & i up in a different city cause we missed the last train home, then drove the hour back, while we 'slept' in the back - i;m pretty sure the copious amounts of alcohol we had comsumed helped with the slumber.... he said the same thing.. he would rather come get us & miss some disturbed sleep than be waiting, waiting, waiting & worrying all the time & this was before mobile phones were around.
He picked me up from numerous parties, underage & blind rolling drunk & never said a thing.. bless him.. he was the best dad ever!

What a sweet boy you have. I hope you can convince that girl to come and spend some time at your place. What a horrible thing to be going through. sad