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Does someone want to help me out here? Lock Rss

So, on Sunday, I had my almost 17yro half sister, whom I met briefly when she was 4, contact me over facebook. BIG SHOCK. I have absolutely nothing to do with my birth father. Then today, my half-brother, who is 15, added me on facebook...so obviously they've just found out about me. They both want to get to know me and he sent me a PM asking if I was his half-sister and I was like yep. Then he was like, um, cool. And I have NOOOOO idea what to say/write here. :-/

I just wrote *awkward silence* then said well, I don't know what to really do/say and that I'd go stalk his wall instead to see what he looks like. LOL!

I'm a bit lost here though. blink

What would you do/say in this situation?? My half-sister is already talking about wanting to meet me!! It's a bit out of my depth!
i'd proberbly start off by asking them about themselves like-what school they go to, do they do a sport, what are there hobbies, just general stuff.

if you think it's all abit much and to full on to meet them just say you need some time to get your head around it first.

sorry i couldn't be much help.

The day i broke up with normal was the first day of my magical life...

Hi! I was in this situation last year - not exactly the same, as my half-sister is older than me, and she contacted my mother on facebook and my brothers and I added her. I emailed her and introduced myself and said I would very much love to chat with her if she wants to, and she said yes she would love to. I email her occasionally and ask her how she is going, tell her what is going on in my life, etc. I don't know if she knew about us until recently, or if she did but decided to contact us at that time for whatever reason, but I don't push myself upon her. I email her and she takes a while to get back to me, and sometimes she doesn't at all, so it might be that she is a bit uncomfortable. Your sister sounds more eager, and I would just ask her about herself, that kind of thing, until you know her a bit more - then think about meeting her. It's exciting stuff!

kerrie, VIC, DD 12/8/03, DD 12/10/05, DD 14/9/07, DD 4/1/10

There's no right or wrong answer to this situation.. You've just got to go at a pace that you feel comfortable with.

Be honest... just start by getting to know them (if that is actually what you want to do.)

You don't have to tell them every little detail about you and your life to date - they may be siblings by blood, but they are still essentially strangers, so take it slow and just start by getting to know each other a little step at a time..
And if you don't even want to go there, just let them know politely but firmly that you're not interested in getting to know them.
smile
Good luck...


Yikes! What a tricky situation. I also have a half-sister who I have only met briefly when I was 10. I know shes on facebook but I havent added her because of this same awkward stuff. I know I am not ready to be in contact with her though my little sister is.

My advice would be just be honest with yourself and do what your comfortable with. I agree with just asking them generic questions that you might ask any teenager. It shows that your not fully blowing them off but your not giving too much either if your not ready. I'd just be honest with them too. If your not ready to meet, say so. Just comment on Facebook occassionally and get to know them a little first by watching what they do on FB. You may find you get more comfortable with the idea and meet them in a few months.

Another tricky factor which you didnt mention was are they still in contact/living with your birth father?
Personally I dont want anything to do with my father so if my half-sister was still in regular contact with him, I wouldnt have anything to do with her because I wouldnt want my info filtering to him. So... if they are still in contact with your dad, would you feel comfortable with your half siblings sharing stuff about you with your dad??

Take your time, you havent heard from them in years, give yourself time to adjust and for a relationship to develop, even if it does have very small beginnings. I'm sure you'll know what to do once a little more time has passed smile

Hope something here helps!
I thought I would add that my situation is also different because my half sister is my fathers daughter, and he and his then girlfriend adopted her out when she was a baby, before my dad met my mum. I love her, she is a lovely person!

kerrie, VIC, DD 12/8/03, DD 12/10/05, DD 14/9/07, DD 4/1/10


Another tricky factor which you didnt mention was are they still in contact/living with your birth father?
Personally I dont want anything to do with my father so if my half-sister was still in regular contact with him, I wouldnt have anything to do with her because I wouldnt want my info filtering to him. So... if they are still in contact with your dad, would you feel comfortable with your half siblings sharing stuff about you with your dad??


Yes, see this is the most awkward thing. They still live at home with their dad and I don't have a relationship with him at all. I wanted to meet him when I was young and did so once, then I had to contact him back in '06 to get family history information for a uni assignment (genogram) and he basically told me on the phone then that he has his family and I'm a part of a different family and let's just leave it that way and go our separate ways...so I shook off the flip off and moved on with my life, not really reserving any thoughts of him, hence the major shock to be contacted!!

I'm currently chatting to my half-brother on facebook now, he's hilarious! He told me that he just found out last night and his words were, "and I'm totally tripping out!!" then said he noticed I have a couple kids and responded with, "hey, I'm an uncle! That's cool because I have a couple friends at school who are uncles too". lol cute!

They seem pretty eager to get to know me, which is nice, but at the same time, I feel some hesitation because of their (our) dad...I'm not sure how intentionally or unintentionally this has all come about so am a little wary!

I don't have to worry about meeting them anytime in the really near future as they live in NZ and I'm in Aussie (faar side). Although my half-bro is already suggesting that he wants to come to Aussie because he's never been before!
We had this situation earlier this year but sadly its not working out. My husbands sister who was adopted out turned up back in our lives. We were not even aware his mother had done this. We thought things were good then BAM gone. Personally we have found it hard but fun now its all over the place. As said earlier there is no right or wrong.. just go with what feels right.

We had this situation earlier this year but sadly its not working out. My husbands sister who was adopted out turned up back in our lives. We were not even aware his mother had done this. We thought things were good then BAM gone. Personally we have found it hard but fun now its all over the place. As said earlier there is no right or wrong.. just go with what feels right.


Oh, that's horrible. sad She just disappeared with no reason?? See with incidences like adoption, I think it would be even harder because there would be a huge amount of rejection involved as well which would probably play in the relationship between the reunited siblings. sad I'm sorry to hear that it went bad for you guys. sad sad


maybe ask him how they found out then?
I mean if you dad did tell them then surely he wouldn't mind you contacting them.
But if they found out another way then maybe ask them if your dads ok with them getting to know you and go from there.


I did ask, as subtly as I could (lol!) and he just said his mum told him last night because his sister found out awhile ago (she told me that 'dad accidentally slipped' so no idea what that means??) and that he should know too. I was surprised that he went looking for me straight away and added me! We just had a really light-hearted conversation (as you would with most 15yro males lol) and it was good. I just don't really know how much to say because I don't know how much they know about the whole thing and I don't want to cause waves.

I still don't really know what to think about the whole thing, it's kind of side-blinded me! Lots of unidentifiable emotions swirling around right now unsure

So, on Sunday, I had my almost 17yro half sister, whom I met briefly when she was 4, contact me over facebook. BIG SHOCK. I have absolutely nothing to do with my birth father. Then today, my half-brother, who is 15, added me on facebook...so obviously they've just found out about me. They both want to get to know me and he sent me a PM asking if I was his half-sister and I was like yep. Then he was like, um, cool. And I have NOOOOO idea what to say/write here. :-/

I just wrote *awkward silence* then said well, I don't know what to really do/say and that I'd go stalk his wall instead to see what he looks like. LOL!

I'm a bit lost here though. blink

What would you do/say in this situation?? My half-sister is already talking about wanting to meet me!! It's a bit out of my depth!



I think before you get them too excited you should figure out what YOU want. It would probably be cruel and cause issues later if you all ended up buddy buddy on fb and then you turned around and said you didn't want to meet.

If you do decided it would be a possibility later then probably a good way to go would be to start of by asking and encourageing 'getting to know you questions' like likes/dislikes, school, friends, family, ambitions. Keep it shallow and let them take it deeper when they are ready; after all they are still kids and you wouldn't want to go to fast (even if they are keen as mustard). Teenagers tend to get carried away with a new thing and then get bored just as quick so wait for the novalty to wear off before getting too involved or you could be let down.

I hope I'm not being too negetive here. I have a brother six years younger than me and I find the best way to communicate with him is to start small,getting him talking and then slowly guide him into a conversation. lol. I can't seem to phrase this without making teenagers sound bad! I hope you understand what I'm trying to say. lol.

good luck.




OOOHHH... INTERNET FIGHT. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? CAPS LOCK ME TOO DEATH?
(Noddy's not fat ffs!)


I think before you get them too excited you should figure out what YOU want. It would probably be cruel and cause issues later if you all ended up buddy buddy on fb and then you turned around and said you didn't want to meet.

If you do decided it would be a possibility later then probably a good way to go would be to start of by asking and encourageing 'getting to know you questions' like likes/dislikes, school, friends, family, ambitions. Keep it shallow and let them take it deeper when they are ready; after all they are still kids and you wouldn't want to go to fast (even if they are keen as mustard). Teenagers tend to get carried away with a new thing and then get bored just as quick so wait for the novalty to wear off before getting too involved or you could be let down.

I hope I'm not being too negetive here. I have a brother six years younger than me and I find the best way to communicate with him is to start small,getting him talking and then slowly guide him into a conversation. lol. I can't seem to phrase this without making teenagers sound bad! I hope you understand what I'm trying to say. lol.

good luck.


I completely understand what you mean! I thought that too. I don't really know what I want here and I've already realised that they are innocents in all this so it's not right for them to suffer for the choices of their father. But at the same time, I realise this is a big shock and novelty for them too so I'm just keeping it shallow for the time being. I decided to leave things completely in their hands, actually. I had a huge fb chat about totally casual things to my half-brother yesterday and it was good, so if he (or my half-sister) contacts me again, I'll chat, but otherwise I'm just going to sit back for awhile...
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