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what would you do? Lock Rss

My mum is really sick, somedays she looks ok- fighting fit, but other days (and quite often atm) she looks like she could die soon (ie within the year). She is 5ft6 and around 38-39 kgs. Emphesemia, pluracy, now having tia's (mini strokes )generally just constantly sick.

But we are ttc#3 atm and not having a great deal of luck. we are also planning on getting married within the next 1-2 years. So......

should we put off having baby#3 and aim to get married within the year, or go ahead with the baby plan and get married late next year (slight chance of not having my mother there). Worst case scenario, she might not even make it to the wedding if we have it at the end of the year.

I really don't know what to do. Odd question, but what would you do?

Forgot to mention, it was decided that we needed to fall preggers this year, due to uni/work commitments. But, i could push all that back a year- whats a year in the grand scheme of things, right?!

thank you for making it this far, and I hope that all made sense!
Sorry hun no real advice cept my sympathy to you and your fam.

Just think life will go on after your mum passes - death can happen quickly - or it can be a long drawn out process.

Me personally would do things how you always planned - or can you get married while preggers? (if your lucky enough to fall preg soon).

((hugs))

just my opinion but i would be trying to fall pregnant. i have never been a real wedding person tho. what an awful decision to make! if your mum knows u intend to marry u could sit with her and have her help plan, pick a few songs or say what she likes and stuff like that so that if unfortuantly she isnt around for your wedding day you would still be able to do/have a few things that she helped pick out. her meeting her grandchild or at least knowing you're pregnant and her being there for that seeing ultrasounds and feeling it kick that isnt something u can preplan tho. good luck with TTC either way

I would get married but thats only because of what my mum went through when she married
Pop had cancer and seemed fine and all of a sudden things went down hill fast, the wedding was booked for fathersday and the week before he was still ok but very weak. The doctors broke his heart and told him he wouldnt be able to go to the wedding...so he gave up sad he passed away a few days before, it was devastating sad
And as a mum i would rather see my daughter get married than have another child.
I don't envy your position, I don't know what I would do.. Probably both! Plan to get married and if I just happened to be pregnant on the day then so be it!

I think you need your mum at your wedding day. But then I would hate for my mum to not even know about another one of my children. My mum's mum passed away a few months after I was born and I can remember my mum saying how much she hated that she never even knew about my younger sister. But then she also said how the only thing that would have made her wedding day better would have been to have her dad there (he died when she was 19)..

I'm so sorry you're in this position.

sorry to hear your mum is so ill. Have you asked your mum what she thinks? i'm sure she would want to help you with your decision smile
how important is marrage to you? are you wanting to get married now for YOU or for your mum?
Can another baby wait a year or two? BUT is it more important to you that your mother sees you married or meets your future child?? (if the choice came to that?) noone can decide that for you
Oh sweetpea I know exactly what you're going through. My mum was also very, very sick from emphyzema and pluracy and weighed 36kg, she was on constant oxygen 24/7 except if we took her out for an hour or so but then it was a real struggle for her to breathe. What caused your mum's condition? Mine was from working around poultry all her life inhaling fluff and feathers and basically just *** stuff. She was amazingly lucky enough to be offered the chance to go on the waiting list for a double lung transplant. She got a phonecall 2 weeks after at 9pm to go down, I was 38 weeks pregnant and hours away from my mum while she was in hossy. I spoke to my ob/gyn and he was wonderful he induced me so I could get down quickly to see my mum.

Ok long story short yes, if you believe she isn't going to be around in a year or two then bring the wedding forward I am sure it would make her day sitting with you making doing wedding stuff and get to see her girl walk down the aisle. I suppose though she would also love a new Grandchild, I know my kids always seem to give mum something to fight for and look forward to. Aaaahhhh crap hunny I really don't know maybe sit down with her and your DF and have a chat and let her know your thoughts and she could share hers.

Best of luck sweets and I hope you come to a decision and if you ever want to chat about anything the just PM me smile

xxxxxxx
Tara


I would bring the Wedding forward as it would give her something definate to look forward to and I know I loved having my mum there with me and the girls getting ready. I would also continue to TTC and if it happens then its an extra thing for you all to be happy about.





Firstly, GBH, so sorry your family is going through this.

Have you asked your mum?!

I think wedding first only because you can set a date for that and you can bring it forward if (touch wood) your mum gets goes down hill quicker than expected also, I think it would be great to have photos from your wedding day that you can look back on and if your mum does not get the chance to meet the baby you guys are TTC you will have these wonderful photos to show them (and your other kids too) and memories to share with them of her IYKWIM

just my opinion but i would be trying to fall pregnant. i have never been a real wedding person tho. what an awful decision to make! if your mum knows u intend to marry u could sit with her and have her help plan, pick a few songs or say what she likes and stuff like that so that if unfortuantly she isnt around for your wedding day you would still be able to do/have a few things that she helped pick out. her meeting her grandchild or at least knowing you're pregnant and her being there for that seeing ultrasounds and feeling it kick that isnt something u can preplan tho. good luck with TTC either way

I agree with the above. I think that's a really beautiful way of looking at it smile

I'm sorry you're in this position and my heart goes out to you and your family. It isn't a nice thing to have to think about.

Good luck with TTC; whether that be now or in the future smile
heya aww i feel for you this must be so hard.

i guess it depends whats most important to you. and your mum.

personally im not into marriage but you obviously are or you wouldnt be getting married hehe !

i would say just decide whats most important to you and go with that

good luck smile
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