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  5. is this normal to act like this?

is this normal to act like this? Lock Rss

I have spent the morning with my youngest sister she is 21. Now we don't have a great deal in common there is 8yrs difference in age and some of the life style choice she has made i never would.
in no way am i judging her if anything she finds it harder to relate to me then the other way around.

Anyway she had asked me to visit as she is having problems with her partner and wanted someone to chat to. I haven;t been to her house in maybe 12mths only because we always meet at our nans.

I was absolutley horrified when i walked in. There is a hole the size of a dinner plate in the bath tub in the loungeroom there are chunks of plaster/brick taken out of the walls. EVERY door is either torn off it's hinges or holding on by 1. I never went in any other rooms so can't say what they loook like.

She said it is all from her partner. now i don't know if i believe that. She also has an explosive personallity. i would put the doors down to her but not the holes.

Whist i was there the cops turned up about the latest fight. I don;t know the details i stayed inside with my kids and my niece.

When i left i drove away crying. That to me is no life. I have never had fights with my dh like that and we have been together for 13yrs. Neither of us would willingly destroy the others property or a house that doesn't belong to us.

I rang dh just cause i needed to talk to someone and when i told him it wasn;t normal he asked how i new. Maybe we are the exception to the rule.

So my question is are we the exception? is this normal behaviour among people you know?
And any advice on what i can say to my sister?

All i keep thinking is thank god our mums not coming down here for my bubs birth because it is her house they live in.

i''''m baking a baby

I think your sister is the exception.I do not know anyone like that

mum of 3 boys aged 11, 13 and 14

no way that is not normal at all. it would seem as though they have full on violent outbursts. when i drive DH bonkers, he is likely to go for a walk. Not punch a hole in the wall. if DH is driving me mentally insane i go into the walk in robe and swear my head off! but i don't rip a door off its hinge! Sounds like they could both do with some anger management!
I would not consider that normal at all. Definitely sounds like two people with anger issues...

I have a short temper and will fly off the handle sometimes but I am more of a tanty thrower lol (worse than my 3yr old sometimes). DH never gets angry, seriously in the 10 years I have known him I have seen him angry once (he punched his step-father in the face at the time). It seems it doesn't matter what I do it's not enough to make him seriously mad lol he just shakes his head and laughs at me for being silly.

DH and I are at the other side of the spectrum. We disagree, certainly! But, we have never had what I would call an argument or fight. We just discuss things until they're resolved or we agree to disagree.

I don't know anyone who destroys property during arguments! Well, not that I know of - if they do, they hide it very well!

My brother is an absolute clutz - we call him Kramer (as in Seinfeld) so, he has been known to pull an entire wall of gyprock off the bathroom wall by leaning on the tap LOL. But, I've never known anyone to cause the sort of damage you're talking about while in a fight; especially with their partner!

I just don't know what to say...

I hope your sister is ok. It doesn't sound like a healthy relationship at all and I truly hope that her life makes a turn for the better, and soon.

((GBH)) to you as I can only imagine how stressful that must have been for you and what a shock it must have been to see.

ETA: My sister did throw a frozen roast at her hubby once but she was heavily pregnant and that particular pregnancy had her in a hormonal rage for most of it - she's usually very calm and rational.
hmmm i think if your in it you dont think it is strange.

my DH was like that with his ex. they were together 9 years and had huge fights! they broke everything. including violence towards eachother. broken bones. cuts. he even got stabbed!

he said he HONESTLY didnt think they were that different to anyone else. he just presumed everyone was like that to varing degrees and that some were just better at hiding it that others,

when he finally did leave because he was just so unhappy with the whole relationship. he had been for some time.
he still didnt realise.

until he started seeing me, then he realised people dont fight like that!(he had only ever been in that one relationship)
we have a very healthy relationship. we have never had a fight. we have had 2 arguements i think , which consisted in a raised voice (mostly on my part oopz) but thats as bad as it ever is!

he has had a long talk with me about it and he wISHES someone had brought it to his attention that the relationship he was in was the exception rather than the rule. he had no idea how bad it was.

i would just some how let her know that it doesnt have to be like that. and that most relationships dont involve breaking things etc

maybe some councelling could help... even if its just CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) to learn how to deal with their anger.

theres nothing wrong with getting angry! hehe thats super normal but its how they are dealing with it that isnt good.
especially if there is kids involved??

aw GBH for you , must be hard seeing that in your family.
well at least we arent the exception. i wish there was a way for me to help her.

She is a fantastic mummy i just want her to be happy too.

i''''m baking a baby

well at least we arent the exception. i wish there was a way for me to help her.

She is a fantastic mummy i just want her to be happy too.

Tht sounds very sad. I feel for the kids, if that's what they see and they are learning that you deal with anger by destroying things sad

I have a friend who's DH once put his fist through their bedroom door, he has also smashed a glass at her feet (and it cut her). But he has also put his hands around her throat and he has forced her to have sex. She left him after that, and he started therapy to help deal with his anger issues. They have now been back together for about 2 years and are very happy, so it can be done. I hope your sister can get some help, that is no way to live or for your nieces to grow up. But yes, they are definitely the exception.
i tried to tell her today that its not normal and that they both need help. the police told her the same thing.

But i think she looks at me and thinks "you have no idea what your talking about. You have never been in this situation your lifes so perfect." and switches off.

I am going to have a chat to our other sister she may get further with her then i do.

I just worry about her. Shes my baby sister. sad

i''''m baking a baby

i don't think they are the only people like this, depends on peoples personalities & how they deal with anger.

i tend to bottle things up till i snap which ends up in a glass or plate being broken. dp also has the same personality of bottling things up and will throw/hit a wall or something.

once in a blue moon that will happen and we are never violent towards each other, but there are no holes in the walls or doors hanging off hinges !!

no it is not the norm and i would be telling your mum about how they are destroying her house (her investment!).

if they want to trash their stuff then go ahead, but to do it to someone elses property...disgusting!

no it is not the norm and i would be telling your mum about how they are destroying her house (her investment!).

if they want to trash their stuff then go ahead, but to do it to someone elses property...disgusting!

i am unsure about telling my mum. I know if it were me i would want to know yet i also know what will happen if i do tell and and at the moment a roof over my neices head is whats important to me. I did warn mum that she should put the house through a realestate agent.

I hate being in this position

i''''m baking a baby

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