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Engagement Gift Etiquette? Lock Rss

Hoping someone here can help me with this!

I received an engagement party invite today from a long time mate, I knew it was coming, so that was no surpise. I opened it up and there was a lovely invite, plus two smaller cards.....the first was one to send back to R.S.V.P and the second was a wishing well request, basically asking for cash gifts...

Now to be completely honest, I had not intended on buying them anything.....I have been friends with her for 10 years and this is her second marriage in that time, her first one I attended as well, and our gift that time was to pay for own meals.....which I found slightly off putting......but I did it anyway, and I also bought her and her husband at the time a small keepsake.

Now fast forward to this wedding, and although I am excited for her and totally intend to get her a wedding gift, I really don't want to get her an engagement gift, I honestly didn't think it was the done thing anyway? And I certainly don't want to give them cash.....which the wishing well card, states is to help pay for the wedding......I'm sorry, but you shouldn't get married in the first place unless you have the logistics like money sorted.

I don't know, am I right to think it's a bit rich? And lets not forget that the wedding itself will no doubt involve a wishing well or payment of some form.....I know her too well.

Kelly and Serendipity

tbh that is just plain greedy! are they going to ask for money at the wedding too? it's like they are trying to cash in as much as they can. i would just put a card in the wishing well and do just that, wish them well. if it isnt about the money then they wont care and will be happy with you well wishes.
I agree with the PP.

TBH I'm not a fan of second anything, from engagements to weddings, to baby showers. Especially when presents/money are expected to be given. It's just plain greedy!

I would also probably give a wedding present, more out of pressure and it wouldn't be money.

Recently I was invited to a baby shower for Baby #2 - was the same gender as baby #1 and they asked for money because they already had everything they needed. I just gave a card.
Good, I thought maybe I was just being a Scrooge laugh Even knowing her as well as I know her, this was a little bit much even for her standards.

I think I will pop a card into the well and that's it. She can like it or lump it.

Kelly and Serendipity

The official consensus is that, while it is perfectly acceptable to give Engagement gifts, it SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED BY THE BRIDE AND GROOM that they will get gifts.

Personally, I give engagement gifts to my close friends but, they are always a sort of fun, token gift. Such as, a little hamper with a bottle of bubbly, some bridal mags, and a waterproof mascara - just a bit of fun to say Congrats. But, to ask for a present at all, let alone money??? RUDE IMO.

I don't think her having been married before should play into it at all; second and subsequent weddings mean just as much to that person - often they mean more! But, regardless of that, I think it's very rude to have expected gifts for an engagement.
Agreed, if you cant afford to pay for your wedding its simple dont get married yet or do it slightly cheaper. I would never ask for money nor would i ask ppl to pay for their own meals. very tacky IMO

tbh that is just plain greedy! are they going to ask for money at the wedding too? it's like they are trying to cash in as much as they can. i would just put a card in the wishing well and do just that, wish them well. if it isnt about the money then they wont care and will be happy with you well wishes.

Agreed. And it is a bit rich saying it's to pay for the wedding! Do it on the cheap if you can't afford it - don't make your guests pay for it!! Besides, I thought the gift etiquette was completely different for a second wedding anyway. blink

Yeah well I am going to call you a scrooge !! lol lol

ONly cause this is what we did for our wedding !

For us the reason we did it is cause we have a large family with not alot of money ....I would prefer to have someone pop a $10 in an evelope and wish us all the very best then to have them waste their money on something small that we dont need ...they cant afford to waste their money on crap and some couldnt afford much more then 10 bucks !!! .........We diddnt say what the moeny was going on and to be honest I had no idea what it was going to be spent on at the time ....but it all went towards my wedding dress ....

We did the same again for our wedding and we put the money towards a new fridge !!!

this was our first wedding and first engagement ...and we are lucky that with the large family all the money could add up nicely ...

And while we are on the subject ...yep ..I would give for a second and subsequent engegements and weddings is a pressie for a mate and to celebrate her getting married ...I dont perosnally see the big deal ...pop a 10nner in an envelope I say ...just be happy for her a bride she is not going to be able to keep everyone happy and I dont think a freind should be causing waves !!

best of luck with that !!! lol lol lol

I have done lots of things and put "no gifts required" ...made it clear when they RSVP's and I still ended up with gifts you cant win no matter which way you go !

Sorry but I think you're being a bit of a Scrooge! If she is such a good friend don't you WANT to give her a gift for her engagement? I'm not a fan of giving cash as a gift but will do it at a wedding (or buy one of those prepaid Visa debit cards) or if people ask for money to pay for something specific, but I have always bought gifts for engagements. And if she wants cash to pay for her wedding, what's the big deal? My cousin asked for cash to help fund their Las Vegas honeymoon, I didn't take offence at all! Do what pleases you but it's not what I would personally do smile
TBH I am not a huge fan of giving cash, but if it is asked then I will give... BUT I will generally split it, like it I was going to spend $200, I would put $100 in the wishing well and spend $100 on a gift. Then again, if I had NFI what to get for them, I would just give them the lot in cash.
Hey Guys, Here are some gift ideas. Promise and around you is really nice as well as the promise cake topper. It's a very different and unexpected gift. I have personally started giving a figurine and a card with some money as I always feel bad not giving them an actual gift.
If you will be looking for a wedding gift, you can have a look here, I found there some very nice retro clocks:

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