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Huggies Forum

1 unhappy partner Rss

Hi there
I am seriously thinking I need to take some sort of drug to get my sex drive back! Since falling pregnant with my DS1 3yrs ago I have had limited or no sex drive. I have a DS2 who is 8months and since his birth my sex drive is worse again. It's getting my partner down, he thinks I don't want him to touch me, but I do, but I don't. I just feel I couldn't be bothered to get into it! By the time the day is over and kids are asleep I am buffered and just want to chill! But my partner is getting seriously unhappy and now im worried it's putting our relationship downhill sad
Anyone else have this or is there any suggestions? I have tried explaining but it's just him
Been grumpy with me. Help please sad
Jas

Oh sweetie I feel your pain I'm in the same boat....
We were like rabbits lol before dd, after dd it went down hill and then after the twins well once a fortnight and that's a effort for me I just can't get in the mood and have more important things to do I no that's sounds mean but by the time the kids are asleep I gotta do house work that I hadn't got around to and I can't go to be bed knowing I hadn't done it.
Dp gets all down like I don't love him anymore and that I'm not attracted to him but it's not that at all I love that man dearly.
He went out and bought me that horny goat weed and flowers too roll eyes
It didn't work for me at all.
I can't really give you a answer I just wanted to let you no your not alone....
I try to explain it too but it's always poor him sort of thing they don't get it do they!!!
I do feel bad that we aren't as intimate as we were but i just don't feel like it at all sad
Of only there was like a single tablet that could make us how we were lol
Becoming a mum obviously changes a lot of things... my advice would be to change it up - even though you're not in the mood at the moment, maybe all you need to do is sit back and enjoy the sensations, and hopefully you can remember how good it can be - surprise your partner with a toy and ask if he can use it on you(have a couple wines before to relax yourself and send the kids to grandparents) - and tell him there are no promises for sex afterwards

Oh sweetie I feel your pain I'm in the same boat....
We were like rabbits lol before dd, after dd it went down hill and then after the twins well once a fortnight and that's a effort for me I just can't get in the mood and have more important things to do I no that's sounds mean but by the time the kids are asleep I gotta do house work that I hadn't got around to and I can't go to be bed knowing I hadn't done it.
Dp gets all down like I don't love him anymore and that I'm not attracted to him but it's not that at all I love that man dearly.
He went out and bought me that horny goat weed and flowers too roll eyes
It didn't work for me at all.
I can't really give you a answer I just wanted to let you no your not alone....
I try to explain it too but it's always poor him sort of thing they don't get it do they!!!
I do feel bad that we aren't as intimate as we were but i just don't feel like it at all sad
Of only there was like a single tablet that could make us how we were lol

Thanks hun, good to know I am not alone ! I love my partner but I am like you one the kids are finally asleep it's just so much effort to be in the "mood" I feel bad for my DP but I can't help it at all! I have tried to make myself want it, it gets me no where ! I have to say my partner is not the romantic or smoothest guy to get the deed smile he just wants it when he wants it an I gotta be in the mood or I am in trouble ! But tonight my DP has said that he is thinking his not too happy witha our relationship ;(. He said I have been a B:t(h this wk. . I am due for my period kids have had gastro I have had it and I just started back at work so yes I have been a B:t(h .

I have previously read posts in similiar threads about this topic, the major post was "just get back on the horse"

If ya want to stimualte your libido, have more sex, the first few times you might have to force yourself or schedule the time in your diary, but once you're doing if more often, you'll want it more often. Kick start your libido again!!!
Do it for your partners cos they are worth it...

Its just the initial getting going feelings that need to be overcome.
Try a special date night, get the kids looked after and go out, get back the spark of long ago.

Remember if your relationship isn't strong, the family life isn't strong.

Kids love to see their parents be affectionate in front of them, even as teenagers, they may say yuk but really they love to see you loving each other, this kind of displays of love, reinforce the types of love/affection/relationships that they will in time seek out...

best of luck, get back on the horse!!
Lottie

Becoming a mum obviously changes a lot of things... my advice would be to change it up - even though you're not in the mood at the moment, maybe all you need to do is sit back and enjoy the sensations, and hopefully you can remember how good it can be - surprise your partner with a toy and ask if he can use it on you(have a couple wines before to relax yourself and send the kids to grandparents) - and tell him there are no promises for sex afterwards

Hi, I have tried all that sad I can sometimes but rarely want it so bad I am begging him! And sometimes I am in the mood them bam half way thru it I am not in the mood, and he can tell sad seriously I dunno what to do! Apparently there is another herb or something called ''maca root" apparently used for fertility but does help with sex drive. I believe that mine is purely hormonal, my skin has been terrible and just hormones don't seem to be right ! I am going o get the pill injection soon and I am hoping it will change me in a way and balance my hormones. Lets hope before it's too late xx


I have previously read posts in similiar threads about this topic, the major post was "just get back on the horse"

If ya want to stimualte your libido, have more sex, the first few times you might have to force yourself or schedule the time in your diary, but once you're doing if more often, you'll want it more often. Kick start your libido again!!!
Do it for your partners cos they are worth it...

Its just the initial getting going feelings that need to be overcome.
Try a special date night, get the kids looked after and go out, get back the spark of long ago.

Remember if your relationship isn't strong, the family life isn't strong.

Kids love to see their parents be affectionate in front of them, even as teenagers, they may say yuk but really they love to see you loving each other, this kind of displays of love, reinforce the types of love/affection/relationships that they will in time seek out...

best of luck, get back on the horse!!
Lottie

I will try this but my problem is he wants ummm head (sorry!) all the time an also wants to watch p@rn ! (sorry again) and I think this is when I lost it more ? I think I feltni wasn't good enough on my own? I tried explaining but it didnt help (stubborn man) so I dont know sad his not into going on dates etc he would rather stay home. I really feel as though were falling apart ATM ;(


Thanks hun, good to know I am not alone ! I love my partner but I am like you one the kids are finally asleep it's just so much effort to be in the "mood" I feel bad for my DP but I can't help it at all! I have tried to make myself want it, it gets me no where ! I have to say my partner is not the romantic or smoothest guy to get the deed smile he just wants it when he wants it an I gotta be in the mood or I am in trouble ! But tonight my DP has said that he is thinking his not too happy witha our relationship ;(. He said I have been a B:t(h this wk. . I am due for my period kids have had gastro I have had it and I just started back at work so yes I have been a B:t(h .


Dp has also said the whole Im not happy etc etc it's like a chore something you no you should do but don't want to do gosh I sound hard on poor dp right now but they need to understand how we feel too.
I too have tried to make myself want it and as you I can't .
Dp I will give credit to for trying like dinner and coming home to flower petals and presents and I still don't want to!!!!!!!!!
If you find the secret to this please sweetie let me know lol.
Don't they get stroppy when they don't get what they want though it does cause us not to talk for a day if I turn him down over and over to be honest I have been enjoying dd waking up so I have to settle her as it gets me outta it so sad hey lol
If he wants blowjobs and to watch porn and you are not comfortable with that then you have to tell him!!! Otherwise it will make you feel like sh** and not good enough!

Try to tell him how much it upsets you, and surely he will respect that? He wants you more than he wants a bj or some skanky porn girls! Maybe he suggests those things to get the 2 of you more into the mood? As he can sense your hesitation?

I am so sorry to hear you guys are falling apart. if he is making you feel worthless then this is not your fault, and it is no wonder you are falling apart.

You need to make him listen!! Please trust me!

I don't think anyone else has noticed that you mentioned these things as they look like part of someone else's quote.
Ok, You've acknowledge the prob. Good start. If you think it's hormonal then go and see a dr and get bloods done. Ask your Dr to check your thyroid level. This one effects all your hormones and it is quite common for women to suffer low levels within 12mts of having a baby. It usually corrects itself, but not always. Other signs of your thyroid not being right is: crankiness, weight gain (no matter what you do), bad pms, headaches and restlessness. I had all of these at the end of last year and I felt like I was going crazy (a few here know my story) and it turned out to be my thyroid. It's still a little low, but it is correcting itself, but it is also something I will need to check as it is also a hereditry condition.

Hope you feel better soon, and that you get your drive back... and it definately sucks. So hugs to you.
Hi there, i havnt been on this site for about 1 yr and thought i wanted to read tonight if anyone had similar problems of an unhappy marraige, well unhappy partner's....I will be using this as my motivation now to go to the dr's. Few more other issues with my situ, but all the same, this topic could save my 10 yr marraige. im knocking on divorce's doors. I have a non cancerous tumour sitting on my pituatory gland which didn't make me ovulate naturally for 2 of my pregnancies, the tumour was picked up, pills to shrink it and couldn't believe it, fell naturally with our last child. For many years now though, I have not felt the way a wife should feel towards her husband. I love him dearly, he's my best mate, but dont feel in love wth him...
We just moved for financial reasons from my home in Bris to Perth. We were scraping through just every week. FIL (a very controlling manipulative man) dangled a big home cash deposit with the condition we live in Perth and no-where else. We have always been renters. You dont get offers like that every day so was desperate, and we lived in Perth previously for 4 yrs and I enjoyed it. The difference then was, it was planned our future was in Brisbane so I knew i would come home to Bris. We did the current move 6mths ago.
I ignored the fact that my DH is an alcoholic.
A Non-abusive, non-voilent hard working bricklayer, full of energy with the kids when not on his 4th beer but does drink 4-7 beers, 5 out of 7, nights of the week. He is a quiet/mellow drinker but all the same, when we go to the park so does that 6 pack. Makes him lazy with his interactions with the kids. Kids love him, he adores them. He is a very kind husband.
I now miss my only living relative, my hearing impaired mum..I say deaf bec i have a strong desire to look out for her, she too, is my best friend. Going home whenever I want and her here, costs money and the mortgage is hitting us hard, bec FIL altered the amount he gave us AFTER we already moved to Perth. I know, very deceitful person.
Today I told DH Im leaving when we're cashed up again, bec my move for the family isn't what's right for me to be a good parent and gulp, i wasnt in love with him anymore. He took it on the chin and said he was saddened but not surprised by the conversation. He already stipulated about 6 mths ago he would not follow me back if this was to happen bec we always bickered over money.
To summerise why ive posted on this site, Reading this has given me motivatation to perhaps not throw in the towel so quickly and to check my hormone levels and if the tumour is causing this...If I can help him and me in the bedroom, he may be willing to chuck in the daily booze for his family. He has always brought up the non passionate sex life we have when i say he his a drink prob, so he's gotta do something that makes him feel relaxed, I can see his point... Problem, all the males in his family who live here, 3 of them whom he's close with are also alcoholics..Could I be defeated already with them around, dont know?!I knew this before the move but we needed a lifeline. Never been a home owner so it was so exciting to dream of paying off our own bit of Aussie land.
Sorry to go off track but i guess i wanted to express woman can be at the brink of ending their marriage to then read posts like this and to then get a tad of hope....thank you and that was good to get that off my chest, no-one knows of this except for me and my hubby, mum thinks everyings hunky dory, what a pickle Im in!!!!... And yes I started seeing a counseller 4 sessions ago, and it does feel good every time i walk out!! smile

You go to start having orgasms again. Seriously, to remember how good it feels. Get a vibrator, watch some porn or think of a fantasy and get in the mood on your own. I used to have the same prob kids all day, over touched just want to be left alone (now it is because I work at night lol). Kids are in daycare on mondays so I put porn on the tv while I do the house work and when he comes home in the arvo before we pick up the kids, its on. Other days when I know we are not gonna have the chance I use the vibrator to keep me feeling sexual and it makes me feel happier and more relaxed.
Also sex burns lots of calories so think of it as doing your exercise as well.
In my opinion its not worth losing your marriage over. Guys need sex like they need food. Thats what we get into when we marry them.

Its more a matter of getting in touch with your sexuality again. We need it as much as they do.
Hope this helps and u dont think im a weirdo lol.
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