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3 year olds and sudden defiance Rss

My 3 and a half year old dd is REALLY testing me at the moment, defying almost all instructions. I feel like all day long I am putting her in time out or (reluctantly) giving her a tap on the hand/bottom or threatening and taking toys away. She was a really well behaved child up to now but is being so defiant - she won't stop doing what she is being asked to because she "wants to" keep doing it, and conversely won;t do as asked if she doesn't want to. I basically want to know if this is a normal phase and if so how long does it last!!! PLEASE reply and reassure me!!! I feel like I must have gone wrong somewhere and my husband implies (and sometimes states) that she is behaving this way because I let her get away with too much. He expects her to do as she's told the very first time every time. Is he right? Obviously, it would be great if she'd do this but I think it's probably unrealistic. I usually give her to 3, then consequence. Thanks

Sharyn,NSW

Oh my god, lol,
I am having the same thing but my dd is only 19 months old. What usually works for me is something i saw on tv, and that is to get down on their level so either bend down or kneel and in a very calm but positive voice tell them " NO or MUSNT do that" or whatever u want to say and then take them away from the problem and direct their attention away from it. So if she is playing in your cupboards or somewhere she isnt ment to be, get down to her level, tell her no and explain briefly why, then direct her attention to something she likes, so maybe say... " how about u come outside with mummy and show me the birds" or whatever it is that u know she likes to do.....

I hope all that made sense....

I do this with my dd and 99% it works....

hope it helps !!
From what I hear 3 is worse than 2! I'm looking forward to this LOL, my DD is 3 in March and she goes through phases of not listening to a thing to occasionally hearing me... but its mostly "I'm doing my own thing" unless she hears "chocolate" HA HA. We seem to have to tell her a million times, raise the voice, make threats and yep we occasionally smack and then after a smack the threat of one is usually enough for a while until she forgets and we have to give her another one to pull her back into line. Sadly not much else works sometimes, we never thought we'd smack but then we've never had a 2 year old before.

Cant tell you how long it will last but she sounds normal, they are testing the boundaries big time. We always try the positive route first, ie enthusiasm and encouragement but alot of the time she's in her own zone and not interested in doing as she's told.
You sound exactly like me at the moment. I definitely think that it is the terrible 3's not the terrible 2's. My 3.5 year old DS tests me every day. It is also partly his personality - he is a very stubborn kid - just ONCE it would be nice if he did what he was told, ate his tea without a fuss, brushed his teeth without a fuss, went to bed without a fuss and left his brother the hell alone when he is playing with something and not take it away from him.

At the moment I go through good days and bad days. I am having a bad day today, wondering what I did wrong, where did I stuff up. I feel like I have just yelled all day. I can honestly say that it really gets me down sometimes, to the point where I just don't want to play with him which I know is probably making the situation worse. Today, we really haven't had any one-on-one time playing.

And like you, my DH thinks I have never been tough enough on him. Maybe that is the case as he doesn't muck around when daddy is home nearly as much.

But tomorrow is a new day - he can be good when he wants to.
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