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I’m so sick of rude comments! Lock Rss

I’m so sick of people asking when we will have a baby. I've starting responding with "when everything starts working". I’m sick of people asking DH if he needs to be shown how it's done. I’m sick of people saying "stop thinking about it and it will happen". I've been pretty quiet in here lately, bit overwhelmed with everything and feeling a bit like a failure, but thank goodness for all of you. I know you can relate. You’ve been supporting me so much during my ttc journey. Thanks a lot, ladies. How do you respond to rude comments? Which one was the worst comment during your ttc? Hope we can share here and have a little rant.
I started telling ppl that I don't want kids to stop the questions. Then when I first started to tell ppl I was pregnant everyone was asking if we were trying… I don't know why they ask that??? Is that matter? Why people think it’s ok to ask such stuff? I got sick of it and started saying well yes we were ttc actually for a very long and had to do IVF… It tends to shut them up. Another friend told me “IVF must be so much easier than trying naturally as you don't have to time your fertile window and it always works!” Honestly I could write a book on this topic... It was said after my 3rd failed IVF(she didn’t know about my IVFs at all). I understand that people who don’t have troubles conceiving just don’t understand the whole thing. They don’t understand what we are going through but… This’s so annoying and sad and painful and awful when people say such things.
I often get 'You're so lucky you don't have kids!' from people who admittedly don't know me that well. Obviously it never crosses their mind that being childless may not be a choice. It takes all my strength not to shout at them 'Actually I'm very unlucky not to have kids, you idiot!' Someone asked me if I thought my husband would leave me for someone who could give him children. How crazy a person should be to say such things?? Well I do my best to just ignore such people. I don't think people actually know the impact of what they’re saying or asking. I'm sure I was sometimes a complete b*tch prior to struggling with infertility asking about others ttc. I was asking this out of curiosity, because I was ttcing myself. But I never meant to hurt anyone… I didn't know what to say! I was naive! I was just making conversation! I'm now going through de IVF and find these comments upsetting. But hey all you can do is take comments in the spirit in which they are intended. I find it comforting to think we are not on the receiving end of these comments! Everyone cops it, fat people, too thin people, single people, stay at home mums, working mums, vegetarians.... There's no escape!!!
Yeah it can be so painful… I was still bleeding from my mc last year… At my first day back at work I got absolutely hounded by two work colleagues (who didn’t know about my mc) after the announcement of another workmates pregnancy, asking when DH and I were going to try for another baby… They were saying it must be my turn next. That was painful to hear and it was hard to hold my tears back… Last months they were doing same thing to another colleague. She has one child, who is 7 yo and she’s trying for a baby #2. So they were cautioning her against leaving too big of a gap between her son and a second child... I just wanted to scream! I heard she was sobbing in her office… I wanted to talk to her, but we’re not that close… Also there is this stupid pillow at work called “the pregnancy pillow”. Whoever sits on it is supposed to become pregnant next. It was being passed around one time and the lady goes to pass it to me, grimaces and passes it on to the next person. At that moment I wanted to leave and never get back there… Now when I remember that moment, I want to take that pillow and strangle that btch with it.

What about “You wouldn't understand as you're not a mother”? I’ve got this comment right after my first mc. It took all my willpower to not stand up and walk out.

Thing is I’m pretty sure I’ve asked the offending question to people myself, long ago before I started down this road and realised what an emotionally loaded question it is and how hard it is to answer sometimes.
'I'm worried I'll be infertile' said to me several times by so called best friend while she was planning her wedding (and planning to ttc as soon after the wedding as possible). She knew my history and wasn't really supportive. Two years on and she's pg with baby #2. Another friend joking about how she only had to look at her husband makes her pregnant.

I've had offers from acquaintances to be my surrogate. Serious ones. They don't even stop to consider how insensitive that is. I even had one offer because she loved being pregnant but hated the newborn thing as it was sooo boring. Well maybe for her it is, but I'd give anything for that kind of boredom. Because of the nature of my job I'm always asked if I have kids and if I want kids, why don't I have kids? So difficult not to scream in their faces. So difficult not to punch them in their faces! Totally not appropriate for me to explain my fertility issues but I just want them to stop and think!!

I've also had people say 'you'll be next!' When I've been holding the babies of friends and relatives. I never know what to say. If I say no, I'm seen as a child hater. If I smile and laugh I just have to die on the inside. Great, thanks. I've even had 'aww you're so natural with babies', 'when are you going to start trying?' (3 years ago thanks).

I've also been given suggestions of what I should try, folic acid, meditation, acupuncture, Chinese herbal medicine, all manner of drugs, clomid... I don't want suggestions or opinions or questions. I just want you all to shut the f up and stop talking about my ovaries like they're your property!!
A work colleague and father of four 'I don't think women who don't have children are real women'. About a week after I had miscarried an IVF pregnancy. After telling a friend we were about to start IVF ‘I'm not sure if I could do IVF. Surely it is nature's way of telling you that you weren't meant to be a parent’. Ironically, she is now going through IVF herself. ‘Are you trying again?’ - asked by my SIL at Xmas Dinner, in front of the whole family, days after my first loss. And my fave - one of my friends told me she knows how I feel because quote ‘I tried for ages and thought it would never happen’. When I asked her how long she had tried she said about 5 months.

Hugs to everyone who's had something horrible said, some of these are unbelievably horrible. People are the worst!
[quote post="3633242" name="Loretttas20"][b]Loretttas20 wrote[/b]:
A work colleague and father of four 'I don't think women who don't have children are real women'. About a week after I had miscarried an IVF pregnancy. After telling a friend we were about to start IVF ‘I'm not sure if I could do IVF. Surely it is nature's way of telling you that you weren't meant to be a parent’. Ironically, she is now going through IVF herself. ‘Are you trying again?’ - asked by my SIL at Xmas Dinner, in front of the whole family, days after my first loss. And my fave - one of my friends told me she knows how I feel because quote ‘I tried for ages and thought it would never happen’. When I asked her how long she had tried she said about 5 months.
OMG, I'm so sorry... I'm so sad to hear about your mc.. First trimester miscarriages are often caused by problems with the chromosomes of the foetus. Chromosome problems - Chromosomes are blocks of DNA. They contain a detailed set of instructions that control a wide range of factors, from how the cells of the body develop to what colour eyes a baby will have. Sometimes something can go wrong at the point of conception and the foetus receives too many or not enough chromosomes. The reasons for this are often unclear, but it means the foetus won't be able to develop normally, resulting in a miscarriage. This is very unlikely to recur. It doesn't necessarily mean there's any problem with you or your partner.
Placental problems. The placenta is the organ linking the mother's blood supply to her baby's. If there's a problem with the development of the placenta, it can also lead to a miscarriage.
Several long-term (chronic) health conditions can increase your risk of having a miscarriage in the second trimester, especially if they’re not treated or well controlled.. Infections. Food poisoning. Womb structure. Weakened cervix, others..Yep, sometimes people are the worst to deal with. Thinking of you, honey.
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This is more of an insight into my feelings or venting out the disappointment of persistent infertility struggle. At some point or other, all of us have to come across this situation where no one is able to perceive infertility as it is. Needless to mention assisted fertility is still scorned at by several be it openly or behind the back. No one truly realises that it's not something voluntary... none of us asked for it. It's just another medical procedure and the one suffering isn't so fortunate to happen to get pregnant naturally so they need it. It's even hearting wrecking that sometimes I see posts and journals talking about the irrationality of such process. Unless someone has been is the same shoes it's best not to try and judge people and their decisions. This shamming needs to stop!
Loretttas20 wrote:
A work colleague and father of four 'I don't think women who don't have children are real women'. About a week after I had miscarried an IVF pregnancy. After telling a friend we were about to start IVF ‘I'm not sure if I could do IVF. Surely it is nature's way of telling you that you weren't meant to be a parent’. Ironically, she is now going through IVF herself. ‘Are you trying again?’ - asked by my SIL at Xmas Dinner, in front of the whole family, days after my first loss. And my fave - one of my friends told me she knows how I feel because quote ‘I tried for ages and thought it would never happen’. When I asked her how long she had tried she said about 5 months.

Hugs to everyone who's had something horrible said, some of these are unbelievably horrible. People are the worst!

I can totally understand what you mean. Like I said all of us have been through this at some point or other. When something fails or just don't go as expected the first thing you do is look into yourself in the mirror than to look beyond or in surroundings. Then as usual the self blaming starts...been through it shortly after my MC in my early days of fertility struggle. Eventually you somehow learn to block this negative thought. ometimes when you get something so easily you get all filled up with smug to look the unfortunate lot with either overwhelming empathy or discreet disdain. I feel irritated with both attention as well as ignorance TBH... no sure if it's sensible but it just happens so. I think this is why all of find the forum totally helpful and supportive. I'm so glad that you could make it through... success stories always give me hope... no matter how far I am from attaining success...
This is more of an insight into my feelings or venting out the disappointment of persistent infertility struggle.
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