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  5. ttc after mc, how u deal with other's pregnancies?

ttc after mc, how u deal with other's pregnancies? Lock Rss

Hi everyone, I just thought I’d post and get some suggestions. I’m 34 and married to my dh going on 7 yrs. We’ve been ttcing for 7 yrs as well. We had 2 ivf cycles last year. First one failed and the 2nd ended up with mc. We are finally ttcing again! We’re about to start ivf with de. I’m very excited but at the same time I’m so sad… I still can’t get over the mc. I’m nervous and scared, because we’ll have only one try with de. If it fails, I don't know how I'll cope…

Anyway, I’m wondering if any of you really struggled with others pregnancies after a loss and how you handled it. I’m working SO hard on my positive attitude... But that doesn’t take away the hurt especially when you see that others have what you lost and have it so easily. It’s like salt in the wound. I have to put on this mask in order to be able to deal with it. I’ve tried opening up to my mom about it when I meltdown after finding out someone close to me is pregnant. I get the feeling that she is tired of my "pitty party" and she wants me to move on. So I’ve just stopped talking about my pain with her. DH is understanding and very sensitive, but I don’t want to bother him as he works so hard to save money so we could have all the treatments. My girlfriends? All of them are having kids/expecting.

Has anyone else had similar experience? I’ve heard so many people be like "Just be happy for them". But it’s deeper than that! Please share your coping strategies! I am thankful that we are ttc again. I’m thankful we can have another ivf. That has been helping me a lot! At the same time this whole ttc journey and pg women everywhere is depressing me.
I'm sorry about your failed IVFs. And I'm so so sorry about your m/c. I had a m/c last year and it was awful. I remember feeling I should "pull myself together" - oh dear that was hard... I concentrated on getting pg again - we are still trying, but I do my best not to lose it. Since my m/c I have become consumed by ttc again - it's getting obsessive. I think this is my way of coping- like it will make it all better when I'm pregnant again. Have you spoken to your doctor? Perhaps they could point you in the right direction for some kind of support. I think everyone copes (or not) very differently and I think perhaps you should sit down and tell your mum how you feel. I'm sure she would be more understanding if she really knew how much you were hurting.
I am struggling with this as well. I've had 2 miscarriages in the past 4 months, no children. I am 29, and people say "oh you’re young you'll be fine", but that is not how I feel. I am thankful I am young enough to have time to figure this out, but it doesn't make these losses easier and it doesn't make it easier when people around me get pregnant and have babies.

I've heavily relied on my best friend for support in these last few months. Well, a few days ago she told me she went off birth control and they are trying to get pregnant… Only 1 week after my 2nd miscarriage she decided this. I'm so sad. I don't blame her. I can't control her life by my suffering. I just wish they'd wait a little while. It makes me so sad. I can't talk to her about my pain anymore. I guess I need to find a new friend for the time being. I know when she gets pregnant, we'll probably stop hanging out because I don't want to deal with that. It's the hardest thing. I find myself praying it doesn't happen for them for at least a few months, until I can try again with donor eggs. It's so selfish of me. I feel like every time I get back up, I get knocked back down again.
Thanks so much for all of your encouragement. It has just hurt so much at seeing other people have babies and I have felt guilty about my feelings about it at the same time. It’s crazy! I was thinking the other day... How would any woman handle it? Those that are pregnant and have their baby around me would feel just as devastated and hurt if I was the one pregnant or with a healthy baby and they were the ones going through infertility. So, that helps me realize its normal and I don’t have to be some kind of superwoman that just gets up and goes on like nothing has happened. Anyway, I pray for all of you on this board every day and appreciate your comments!
I totally feel your pain. I feel like a stranger among women my age because all they talk about is babies. I don't go out with them anymore and I barely talk to them. It's really sad and I wonder if it will ever get better. I am struggling with this too. I have called my sister, mom, brother, and father on the fact that they are not being as sensitive as I would like and they really turned around well at least my sister and mom. They said they just didn't know what to say or they didn't want to bother me or bring it up if I wasn't bothered. I explained it's not something that can be ignored since it's my everyday life. I prepared some kind of a speech and read it to them and I swear they finally got it. I’ll right down just a couple of things from there. Maybe it’ll help.

I want to share my feelings about infertility with you, because I want you to understand my struggle. I know that understanding infertility is difficult; there are times when it seems even I don't understand. This struggle has provoked intense and unfamiliar feelings in me and I fear that my reactions to these feelings might be misunderstood. I hope my ability to cope and your ability to understand will improve as I share my feelings with you. I want you to understand. You may describe me this way: obsessed, moody, helpless, depressed, envious, too serious, obnoxious, aggressive, antagonistic, and cynical. These aren't very admirable traits. No wonder your understanding of my infertility is difficult. I prefer to describe me this way: confused, rushed and impatient, afraid, isolated and alone, guilty and ashamed, angry, sad and hopeless, and unsettled. My infertility makes me feel confused. I always assumed I was fertile. I've spent years avoiding pregnancy and now it seems ironic that I can't conceive. My infertility makes me feel rushed and impatient. I learned of my infertility only after I'd been trying to become pregnant for some time. My life-plan suddenly is behind schedule. I waited to become a parent and now I must wait again. I wait for medical appointments, wait for tests, wait for treatments, wait for other treatments, wait for my period not to come, wait for my partner not to be out of town and wait for pregnancy. My infertility makes me feel afraid. Infertility is full of unknowns, and I'm frightened because I need some definite answers. How long will this last? What if I'm never a parent? What pain must I suffer? Why do drugs I take to help me, make me feel worse? Why can't my body do the things that my mind wants it to do? I'm afraid of my feelings, afraid of my undependable body and afraid of my future.
My infertility makes me feel isolated and alone. Reminders of babies are everywhere. I stay away from others, because everything makes me hurt. No one knows how horrible is my pain. I feel so alone and I wonder if I'll survive this. My infertility makes me feel guilty and ashamed. Infertility destroys my self-esteem and I feel like a failure. Why am I being punished? What did I do to deserve this? Am I not worthy of a baby? Will my partner want to remain with me? It is easy to lose self-confidence and to feel ashamed. My infertility makes me feel angry. I'm angry at my body because it has betrayed me even though I've always taken care of it. I'm angry at my partner because we can't seem to feel the same about infertility at the same time. I'm angry at my family because they don’t seem to understand the terrible pain I feel. I'm angry at my expenses; infertility treatment is extremely expensive. My financial resources may determine my family size. My insurance company isn't cooperative, and I must make so many sacrifices to pay the medical bills. I can't miss any more work, or I'll lose my job. I can't go to a specialist, because it means more travel time, more missed work, and greater expenses. Finally, I'm angry at everyone else. Everyone has opinions about my inability to become a parent. Everyone has easy solutions. Everyone seems to know too little and say too much. You can help me. I know you care about me and I know my infertility affects our relationship. My sadness causes your sadness; what hurts me, hurts you, too. I believe we can help each other through this sadness. Individually we both seem quite powerless, but together we can be stronger. I need you to be a listener. Talking about my struggle helps me to make decisions. Let me know you are available for me. It's difficult for me to expose my private thoughts if you are rushed or have a deadline for the end of our conversation. Please don't tell me of all the worse things that have happened to others or how easily someone else's infertility was solved. Every case is individual. Please don't just give advice; instead, guide me with your questions. I need you to be supportive. Remind me that you respect my decisions even if you disagree with them, because you know they are made carefully. Don't ask me, "Are you sure?" Help me realize that I may need additional support from professional caregivers and appropriate organizations.

Sorry it turned out so long, but I hope it will help.
Pregnancy depends on psychological factors? Normal women's psychological quality is not good, pre-pregnancy stress is too large, may lead to poor pregnancy, emotional stress during pregnancy, loss, will also affect the growth and development of the fetus, IVF is the same, if the emotion can not be alleviated, too anxious and Tensions, embryo transfer success will also face failure, many couples test tube baby to do a few times to succeed, the psychological factors account for a large proportion.
Hope you won't mind me chimming out here too. Lovelies, this is such a hard time to go through!! I can hardly bear the mix of feelings in my head even now, when we've already made the head or tale of a new process for us - egg donation. But first let me turn back to our previous struggles. I was 35 yrs old when the journey started. Up to this time we managed to conceive our 2,9 yrs old son naturally. All the other attempts for baby#2 turned into disasterous experience. I miscarried or AF just showed its ugly face each month of ttc. We turned to doc for help. He was not too compassionate with us. He told us both to take vitamins and supplements, to try doing yoga and some other things. But I truly felt it won't be enough. Yet another month and yet another hope - We got bfp. Later our GYN said we weren't lucky again. I asked why. And he told it was ectopic...They had to remove my left tube...My sweet dh has been always a rock of support. We decided to look for the second opinion, found a new expert. She adviced us going straight to IVF. And she suspected me to face POF symptoms..which was another heartbreak for both of us.. How much more could I bare?!!! Later our doc told us we were true candidates for egg donation..
I tried to put my story short. But there is much more behind it!! SO how to coppe with others' pregnancies? - I really don't know. I was seeking the answer to this question for so long and failed..Moreover, I have to be satisfied with our baby born naturally..What could I wish more?!! - But again I couldn't undertsand why all this happened to me - secondary infertility pains in unexpected way, lovelies. I feel jealous, broken, miserable, optimistic, angry..all the sorts of feelings which are driving me mad..And praying one day this all will be the note from my past..
It's so nice we have each other here, so could share..Stay well, lovelies xx
Hankhan899216 wrote:
Pregnancy depends on psychological factors? Normal women's psychological quality is not good, pre-pregnancy stress is too large, may lead to poor pregnancy, emotional stress during pregnancy, loss, will also affect the growth and development of the fetus, IVF is the same, if the emotion can not be alleviated, too anxious and Tensions, embryo transfer success will also face failure, many couples test tube baby to do a few times to succeed, the psychological factors account for a large proportion.

I should say that the chances of giving birth to a healthy baby after using IVF depend on various factors. If you research more you're more likely to find the following ones:
Maternal age. The younger you are, the more likely you are to get pregnant and give birth to a healthy baby using your own eggs during IVF. Women age 41 and older are often counseled to consider using donor eggs during IVF to increase the chances of success.
Embryo status. Transfer of embryos that are more developed is associated with higher pregnancy rates compared with less developed embryos (day two or three). However, not all embryos survive the development process. Talk with your doctor or other care provider about your specific situation.
Reproductive history. Women who've previously given birth are more likely to be able to get pregnant using IVF than are women who've never given birth. Success rates are lower for women who've previously used IVF multiple times but didn't get pregnant.
Cause of infertility. Having a normal supply of eggs increases your chances of being able to get pregnant using IVF. Women who have severe endometriosis are less likely to be able to get pregnant using IVF than are women who have unexplained infertility.
Lifestyle factors. Women who smoke typically have fewer eggs retrieved during IVF and may miscarry more often. Smoking can lower a woman's chance of success using IVF by 50 percent. Obesity can decrease your chances of getting pregnant and having a baby. Use of alcohol, recreational drugs, excessive caffeine and certain medications also can be harmful.
One should talk with a doctor about any factors that apply to you and how they may affect your chances of a successful pregnancy. But I truly think stress plays the last role in the whole process. This is like a tandem of all the factors you're working at to achieve success. Someone shared these beautiful tips, hope some will help you. A detox can be a really good way to get your body back into balance and ready for the IVF journey. Getting rid of all those toxins you have build up in your body over the years.
Then a well balanced diet will absolutely help your chances of success. Take part in the fertility diet to enhance your reproductive organs and ensure good quality blood supply to the uterus. Good quality blood supply to the uterus increases protein and nutrient secretion around implantation, which your embryos will love. Get your partner on the Sperm Diet.
Acupuncture is now, without a doubt, one of the best ways to enhance your success rates. It will reduce your stress, enhance your ovarian function, and increase blood supply to your reproductive organs.
Other therapies such as reflexology, hypnotherapy, yoga, or massage can also help. Alos the feel-good factor and endorphin buzz produced by regular sexual intercourse can really help to alleviate stress.
Take a good quality multi-vitamin and mineral supplement which contains vitamins A, B, E and C complex, zinc, magnesium, selenium, iron and Co-enzyme Q10. which play a vital role in the fertilisation and implantation process. Essential fatty acids are vitally important. Wheat Grass to keep your FSH in check and Royal Jelly to nourish your egg quality.
Finally make sure you are getting enough folic acid in your everyday diet.
Wishing you all the very best, hugs xoxo
Oh so sorry dear! I know how MCs are for someone. Well, I know IVF fails sometimes. I've also had my failed attempt last year. Now, this August, we are having another attempt at a clinic in Kyiv. So, yeah! Same would I tell you to go through? Your journey will come to an end, I hope! Stay STRONG!
I feel the same way too. But my motto is don't lose hope but keep on trying.
I'm so sorry you're facing all this..
Really it's so hard to read between lines ..the amount of feelings you're dealing with daily, dear. I know that well, though my story differs. I've always thought that becoming a mother will wait merely until I do all my plans. How stupid of me it was! I couldn't imagine that once I'd find myself somewhere abroad looking for infertility treatment..
And so many times asking myself - why? why me? But this is how the journey started. I got married pretty ripe age. Dh and me wanted a child badly.. I was 36 yo, later diagnosed on POF.
1 failed round ICSI which ended in early miscarriage. Then again months trying naturally. Like waiting for the miracle, but it didn't happen. Unless we found ourselves in another clinic waiting for passing ivf shots. You know, I never shared our problem with friends..
I was afraid of reactions, furthermore the least thing I wanted to hear was: oh, poor thing, etc. Together with my dh only we divided the problem in two. He was super supportive. So I believe it'd better for you to avoid people who make you feel uncomfortable like that. I mean at least for some time. Though being friends people can't fully understand the thing you're going through because they've never experienced the same. Yo should value positive thoughts now. Ou should believe in better changes.
You have to be strong, dear, though it's not easy. Remember every day makes you closer to your aim. I will be praying for your soon emotional recovering and further steps. Much of love and support to you, lovely lady.
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