Hi everyone! How have you been? Today I was helping my friend to choose baby clothes for her nephew. Tears fall from my cheeks when I was looking at all those cute little clothes. I can’t help but wonder if I'll ever buy any. After trying for so long, deep inside me the hope is gone. BUT my heart won’t let me stop dreaming. I’ve thought about giving up so many times… But my heart says NO! It hurts so bad to see women all around me with big belly's. I think to myself "I bet that she didn’t have to try very long." Oh what I would give just to see my baby’s eyes. Today my friend told me "Maybe there’re just no more babies for you." How can she say that to me? Her words broke my heart. With all the little hope that’s left she blows it all away. I’ve had so many dreams of giving birth. I’ve actually realized in one of my dreams that I was dreaming. But those dreams give me hope. My DH lies next to me every night and wipes the tears away. He doesn’t ask me anymore for the reason that I’m crying. He knows! I don’t know how much longer we can do this. When is it time to give up? We have names picked out already. I’ve bought diapers, wipes, lotions, even newborn clothes. My husband doesn’t know about the clothes BTW. I think he would get mad at me. I don’t think he understand… What can I do except pray every night for a little one? My faith is wearing thin. Somehow part of me believes that one day my prayers will be answered with YES. Good luck and lots of baby dust to all of you precious women. I pray for all of you every night. I hope we all will be mothers one day.
Your post breaks my heart, especially since I can relate so much. After trying for 9 years myself, I can understand how hope starts to dwindle. At the same time it's very difficult to give up completely when the desire to be a mom is buried deep within our soul. I have days where I feel like I have to keep trying and days I feel like I want to just give up. For some reason today I just don't want to do this anymore. We had multiple failed ivfs and I’m exhausted. I too am so sad when I look at pregnant women. All my friends are pregnant and some are even on their 2nd. But we all started trying for #1 at the same time… The strain on my marriage is unbelievable. We've actually talked about divorcing… And the effect on everything in my life is sometimes just unbearable. I am not sure how to get through it but to just take it one day at a time. Be good to yourself.
Please don’t give up! Especially when you have such a lovely husband. The more you are worried /no hope you are stressing your body out. So please take one at a time. Don’t give up hun though I know sometimes it might be hard. I am very sure you will be surprised by little one or twins very soon! Some things can’t happen fast. We need to wait for them and believe. Things always happen for a reason... For a very good reason... Don’t be sat because of what your friend told you. There ARE babies for you! Unfortunately some ppl don’t understand that words can hurt. We shouldn’t listen to those who make rude comments. Let’s just believe it will happen for us!