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feel like a bad person Rss

I started the ball rolling in Feb where I rang a few local clinics and discussed my options. Then booked an open day and the one I liked the sound of best. At the open day I decided it was definitely what I wanted so booked an initial consultation. I decided early on that I'd rather take the IVF route than IUI. But that was a personal choice as I felt the timing would be better controlled with taking time off work etc. At this point I also visited my GP who I must add has been very supportive. But as a self funding patient I don't think you need a GP referral to a clinic (I didn't anyway). I also took the route mitochondria donation +IVF. I could have started treatment in March. but was found to have two cysts on one of my ovaries. So had to wait two months for them to disappear. Then my AMH came back low which meant IVF was a better option than IUI. I'm currently about to start stimms! I would urge you to ring around, get initial tests done etc sooner rather than later (As I thought my fertility was fine. And was very shocked to find I had a low AMH.) Once you're armed with info and results you could then wait until everything is just ok. Any more questions I'd be happy to answer if I can. When I was starting out my journey I found the girls on here brilliant with their advice and still do!
C_Lains wrote:
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There are so many positive stories out there and you are bound to be a positive statistic. Keep faith and all will work out- I feel it in my heart of hearts!! I am happy that things worked out for people as others need inspiring and happy endings like yours. As for me, here is a bit about what i am facing:
37 and have been married for 4 years. I was diagnosed with Turners around 20 years old and thank goodness I am not too severely affected. I am quite short. A bit plump but at least not overly fat/obese. And only have a very slight hearing issue. Other than this I like to think I am very intelligent and rather normal looking if there is even such a thing. When diagnosed, I am sad to admit, my mother must have felt some degree of shock and the need to protect me, withdrawing me from discussions on the topic entirely. She took complete control. She insisted on finding out everything from the doctors herself and taling to them by herself, without me present. Thus, neither my mom, nor the doctor ever fully or properly explained the repercussions of such a diagnosis to me. Unfortunately it was too late for growth hormones. So i just received estrogen and progesterone. Years later i read a scary article about it contributing to breast cancer and stopped treatment...As i was young and not in any relationship, and not having got counselling (i believe that is something that should have occurred had i not allowed myself to be shut out of the discussions with the doctors). So I was not too concerned about pregnancy just yet or monthly cramps and bleeding... until now.
Suddenly i find myself 37 years old, approaching 38. With my two best friends both pregnant at the same time with baby#2. I want to start a family with my husband, and I am not proud to admit i find myself fighting a serious case of envy over what i cannot have. I wonder what i did to deserve this diagnosis that now begins to feel like punishment. What did i do wrong?
Of course my husband is supportive, but, not being in my shoes. Being a man, he can’t fully understand my case as a female..
Korailily14 wrote:
First of all let me say I am sorry for your frustration. I had a breakdown at a baby shower this summer. My 19 yr old sis got pregnant. I won’t say it was easy to be happy for her and not to jealous. I was broken by the news. I’ve also asked “why?” and “when?”… But I am now so blessed. And I fully understand how lucky/fortunate I am. I need to ask and please believe me it wasn’t easy for me and my dh. We’ve gone through a lot to get to where we are now. I'm 12 weeks after 9 years of TTC and battle with PCOS – eventually we did IVF with de. My question is - how do I tell a friend at work who's been TTC with many efforts and $ spent that I am pregnant? Any suggestions? I’ve been there but honestly I have no idea how to tell about pregnancy to someone who’s been ttcing for years and not make them sad. It seems impossible to me… Any comments would be appreciated.


Make sure that you don't make a huge deal about your happiness. Be sensitive to the fact that she is struggling. Remember how you felt being in her shoes. Also make sure that co-workers don't make a huge deal about it. Tell her that she is next. Tell her if it happened for you it will for her. All everyone wants is hope. Treat her with the sensitivity you wanted before.

I am not jealous so much of my friend's success but of my in-laws. They financially help my brother in law family but won't help us with the cost of IVF. They are incredibly wealthy and have even given my brother (who works with my husband and makes the exact same salary) pretty big sum to buy a house. They say that they help the brother because he has children and we do not. I am so angry and jealous that they will help the others who have children and have money but not us who are childless and desperately struggle with infertility. I am trying not to hate my mother in law but it is hard. My mother in law hates my brother’s wife. She tells me that those grandchildren need a good aunt and that we should be there for them. She tells that those children are already in the world… Her words make me so sad and mad! I’ve decided the next time she tells me those words I’m going to tell her that they need a good grandmother and that maybe she should quit traveling all the time and stay home more to be with them. They are rich people and I just don't understand. They actually like me but they have this twisted sense of what is fair.
I just want to say that I know how much pressure infertility can put on your career and your marriage. The more invasive the treatments, the harder it is to take the failure. At least in our case I am the source. I think that male factor would have been sooo much more difficult on our marriage! After years of trying and failures depression is an inevitable conclusion. Pregnant women around us don't make this journey any easier, especially when they flaunt it in your face! The best treatment for my depression is to keep going and don’t stop no matter what.
Oh god , that's hard..I took just about every supplement under the sun when I was TTC the first at age 33-34, including Maca and Royal Jelly. I also took wheatgrass, coq10, baby aspirin, b12, EPO, and some others from time to time. I had my FSH tested and it was very low for my age - 5.7. I don't know if the supps had anything to do with it because I don't know what the number was before I started taking it. I eventually stopped taking so many supps because I didn't notice any physical changes. Also I got tired of taking so many pills and paying so much money. I was tested, had a lap done. After a year+ of trying, it turned out I had ectopic –they had to delete one of the ovaries. Later tests showed I faced POF, AMH levels too low. I'd just wanted to mention if your dh is also 40+, he should definitely be taking supps as well.We ended up with passing IVF abroad, used donor egg –successfully.
Now I am just starting to gear up to think of another IVF cycle for a possible second child in about six months. This time around, I am taking a prenatal, coq10, baby aspirin and L-carnitine (powdered form in juice) for my egg health. Coq10 especially is universally recommended for egg health and I take it in powdered form because it is cheaper and can be mixed with food. I like baby aspirin because it really does improve blood flow to your reproductive organs. I'm also doing all this because I want to try out mitochondria donation + IVF, like the last option to try out my ''poor'' eggs.
God bless all on this way.
It's actually really common to feel this way. The jealousy creeps in whether we like or not. Don't be too hard on yourself. It will be fine, you're not a bad person! Good luck to you on your journey. May you get to conceive really soon, as well. Sending you my best wishes and lots of love.
Honey, this is nothing to worry about. It's really common. If you feel bad about this, it shows how nice you are. We are all humans, after all. It's understandable, we want ourselves to have the best, as well. Plus, the frustration gets to people during TTC, as well. So, it's okay, don't be too harsh on yourself. We have all been there. I had the same exact mindset. It made me feel like an evil person. I was open about my feelings to my husband. He told me, I wasn't being unreasonable. Sure enough, once I managed to conceive, I felt like a different person. Good luck to you, as well. I hope you get the BFP, soon!
Alicia, don't be too harsh on yourself. That's not good at all. I can assure you this feeling is quite normal. It probably isn't good to feel this way. However, it's something that every woman feels. How can you expect to feel normal if you've been hard done? It's not possible, to be honest. Infertility, or basically just frustration in general during the TTC scenario can be enough for this. So, there's nothing wrong in feeling like this. I hope things get better for you. How long have you been trying? Have you considered opting for alternative conception methods? That could be a good idea. Good luck to you! Sending you lots of prayers and baby dust.
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