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I'm writing this in tears. Pregnancy test is negative. Don't understand why. Everything went great. Transferred 3 healthy eggs. Despite of my age, Dr. said my eggs are great. Chances were so high. Maybe it failed again because of my age? Don’t understand what’s the reason? This is our 3rd failed IVF!!! I’m so shattered. Can’t believe it’s happening again. Everything was so great! I was so sure this time we’ll get pregnant. I've heard that success rates increase with each next IVF. I've read that after failed IVF you are more fertile your first cycle due to all the high amount of drugs you've taken. Anyone else heard of that? I believed it was true, but… Meet with my RE next monday to discuss next try. What can improve my sucess rate? HELP!!
So sorry to hear about your negative test. I wish you to be strong now. I don't think success rates increase with each next IVF. So many of us had failed IVF. I don't think that it changes anything. But then again so many people keep saying that the second one is usually more successful. But it might be that some of us learned from the first one and take a different approach. Opting to use donor eggs may give you a higher chance of success than attempting IVF with your own eggs. Millions of healthy babies have been born with the help of de IVF. It remains an excellent choice for many people who are struggling to get pregnant on their own.
I am also 45, and I'm so very sorry about your news. In April I got pregnant after 4 months of trying to conceive without fertility treatments at age 45. I just miscarried last week at 9 and 1/2 weeks. It was totally heartbreaking for us. Prior to conceiving, my 3rd day FSH level was still normal (though at the high end of normal). What I wanted to tell you is that even though I seem to have very good eggs for my age, my Reproductive Endocrinologist is still unwilling to do IVF using my own eggs. Apparently older eggs do not withstand the IVF process very well. Plus, the miscarriage rate at age 45 is 60-70%. So I guess I wonder if you were somehow led to believe the odds of the IVF working at age 45 were better? I have a friend who went through 3 failed IVF cycles at 44-45. She really wasn't informed of the low chance of success. My RE thinks I have at least a 5% chance of regular fertility treatments working. So we are going to try that, with the understanding that I will still be at a high risk of miscarriage. This particular RE clinic has a 70% success rate using donor eggs. So that will still be an option for us (though not covered by insurance). We are also in the process of international adoption. Again, I'm so sorry about your disappointment.
With all my bloodwork coming back with such great numbers, Dr. said he would have no problem trying once again with my own eggs. He did explain that our chances were greater with donor eggs. The thing is my husband and I wanted a child from the two of us if possible. Just don't understand why it didn't work. Transferred eggs were great. Just don’t understand why it failed again. We are meeting with RE next monday to discuss next step. I want to ask him about donor eggs. Don’t want to waste time as I’ll turn 46 soon. Also we have no money to waste. I have no idea where to find money for de ivf. But at least we’ll probably have higher chances with de. Still can’t believe we failed again. Miracles happen every day. Why not for us? We have only been married for 3 years. Life sure is unfair at times isn't it? Sorry to hear of your loss. I know how you feel. I had an ectopic pregnancy in which I lost my right tube. Then had a miscarriage in my 3rd month. I hope all your prayers are answered. Best of luck.
I'm so sorry to hear that. IVF isn't always so successful on first few attempts. Use this information to give yourself hope. I know it must be heart-shattering but please hold it together! The stress isn't a good environment for the bay to be conceived. I think you should definitely keep trying. It'll all be well worth the wait! Good luck and keep us updated!
Sandrape788 wrote:
With all my bloodwork coming back with such great numbers, Dr. said he would have no problem trying once again with my own eggs. He did explain that our chances were greater with donor eggs. The thing is my husband and I wanted a child from the two of us if possible. Just don't understand why it didn't work. Transferred eggs were great. Just don’t understand why it failed again. We are meeting with RE next monday to discuss next step. I want to ask him about donor eggs. Don’t want to waste time as I’ll turn 46 soon. Also we have no money to waste. I have no idea where to find money for de ivf. But at least we’ll probably have higher chances with de. Still can’t believe we failed again. Miracles happen every day. Why not for us? We have only been married for 3 years. Life sure is unfair at times isn't it? Sorry to hear of your loss. I know how you feel. I had an ectopic pregnancy in which I lost my right tube. Then had a miscarriage in my 3rd month. I hope all your prayers are answered. Best of luck.


It's nice to talk to someone here who isn't young enough to be my daughter! I can understand why you want to try again. If you have the resources and/or insurance will cover it, why not at least try? I'm not sure when your pregnancies were, but I will tell you that when you're pregnant at 45, the doctors hover over you with scary statistics, which I found nerve-wracking. We had a six-week ultrasound with a heartbeat. In a younger woman, that would mean the chance of the pregnancy succeeding was at least 90%. And I had no bleeding or cramping. My progesterone went down a bit, but not to scary levels. Yet still we went into the 9 and 1/2 week ultrasound, and the heart beat was gone. We have great insurance for fertility treatments, but no coverage for donor eggs. And since we've put a lot of money into our international adoption, we need to wait probably two years before we can finance a donor egg pregnancy. So we're going to try the fertility treatments, as I said, but frankly if we had the money right this second, I would much rather use donor eggs. I grew up in a family in which my only sibling was adopted. I know our parents felt just the same about both of us. I'd much rather be confident the pregnancy would go well than have a biological child. I realize most women feel differently, however...
Thanks for writing back. It's nice to have someone to talk to about this. And I really need to talk to someone. I can talk to my husband. He’s very supportive, but… I'm not sure men understand how deep it hurts that you can't conceive. He doesn't even know that our test was negative yet. I don’t know how to tell him. I’m so scared. I feel this is my fault. I’m letting him down… He’s in a business trip. Said he didn't want me to call him at work. He wants to be face to face when he gets the news. He’s going to be so hurt. All this failures are as hard for him as for me. Our insurance doesn't cover any fertility treatments. We've paid out of pocket for everything so far. We have had family and friends offer to help with the cost which I think is wonderful. I’m grateful they want to help. Well you know how men are. It hurts their pride to accept financial help. But if we decide to try again we may have to have some help. At our clinic IVF with donor eggs is around 30K. You’re right about having an increase in a successful try using donor eggs. My husband was adopted. We understand that family isn't all about having the same blood. I'm curious when you say other fertility options what are you referring to? Do have any children? My ectopic was when I was 17 and miscarriage at 31. Sometimes I think maybe I'm not meant to have children. Looking forward to hearing from you.
Sandrape788 wrote:
Thanks for writing back. It's nice to have someone to talk to about this. And I really need to talk to someone. I can talk to my husband. He’s very supportive, but… I'm not sure men understand how deep it hurts that you can't conceive. He doesn't even know that our test was negative yet. I don’t know how to tell him. I’m so scared. I feel this is my fault. I’m letting him down… He’s in a business trip. Said he didn't want me to call him at work. He wants to be face to face when he gets the news. He’s going to be so hurt. All this failures are as hard for him as for me. Our insurance doesn't cover any fertility treatments. We've paid out of pocket for everything so far. We have had family and friends offer to help with the cost which I think is wonderful. I’m grateful they want to help. Well you know how men are. It hurts their pride to accept financial help. But if we decide to try again we may have to have some help. At our clinic IVF with donor eggs is around 30K. You’re right about having an increase in a successful try using donor eggs. My husband was adopted. We understand that family isn't all about having the same blood. I'm curious when you say other fertility options what are you referring to? Do have any children? My ectopic was when I was 17 and miscarriage at 31. Sometimes I think maybe I'm not meant to have children. Looking forward to hearing from you.


If you have the desire to raise children, of course you can and should be a mother! But in our case you don't have unlimited money to put into acquiring children. I do hope you will think long and hard before you do another ivf round with your own eggs. First, it sounds like the embryos were very high quality for this try. Yet still it didn't work. Plus, even if you do conceive, you will have the high miscarriage rate to worry about. In our case, the odds of my conceiving were 1 in 200. Ironically, we beat those odds. Unfortunately the baby died at the point when he/she had a 60-70% + chance of making it. Then if you make it through the first trimester, there are all of the potential genetic problems to worry about. If your insurance would cover it, I would say why not try again? But if going through another round with your own eggs limits your ability to use donor eggs and/or adopt in the future, is it really worth it? I know the feeling of feeling you should be able to conceive, though. I kept apologizing to my husband for the miscarriage, even though I knew I'd done everything possible for the pregnancy. Of course he didn't blame me at all. You asked what fertility treatments we are going to try. Actually, I have no idea. My Reproductive Endocrinologist said obviously I managed to ovulate, my tubes are open and my husband's sperm is good. So that eliminates a number of potential problems. I assume they will try some kind of insemination process with my husband's sperm? Neither of us has any children. We married recently. We have only tried to conceive a short time. Like I said, the odds are apparently kind of low that whatever the doctor has in mind will work. But as long as it's not donor eggs, it will be fully covered by insurance. So really there isn't much for us to lose. Plus, we can still continue with our international adoption and try with donor eggs in the future, if needed (we'd like to end up with two children). I'd really like to hear what happens with you. I wish you all the best in your decision-making over the next few weeks!
Thank you so much for support! I feel so much better now. I’m so glad you shared your thoughts with me. And thanks a lot for advices. I wish you good luck with your treatment! I'll give you an update once we see our RE next week. Talk to you soon.
I am sorry to hear your loss and my eyes turned to tears. Don't give up. Everything will be fine. Ask your doctor, if doctors are saying that you should avoid then try it. Maybe it helps a lot. Often it happens because doctors want to give you a break. Your hormones level does not work properly. Sometimes doctors suggest this because if you ignore this issue as you can. When you keep this thing away from you. it will release your stress and boost up your energy. Once you make this stamina you can do it in a better way. If doctors say that you will not be a mom ever then you should move out but at this time, try to follow the doctor’s instructions. It will help you a lot because they have experience and you have not. Best of luck.
Hi, don’t worry. I’m sorry about your failed cycles. I know you are very disappointed. You should not give up. Infertility is a problem who made women disappointed. You should not stress. This is not a right way. Your story is so sad but still, You shouldn't lose hope. Good luck. Take care. Stay strong.
Hey Sandra! All my heartiest condolences are with you on such a painful moment. You have had the worst of what any women can ever experience. known t feels to end up in a fail attempt of IVF everytime you plan to go for it. But please just stay calm and composed. You need to have all the support of your husband throughout. And if you want to make it a point to get a baby, then eradicate these negative thoughts. KIndly also let me know which clinic have you been using for all the 3 times that you have gone for IVF. The major impact on the results of the IVF is mainly because of the clinic that you have chosen. This is why I want to share about the clinic that I recently discovered for myself. This is because I have also been trying to conceive for about 7 years.BUt this clinic in Europe is amazing and has the best of doctors. You should ee gynecologists in this clinic in Europe.
I am sure you will not feel disappointed after your first time in this clinic.
Take care and wish you all the very best!
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