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  5. Why do I feel like noone understands Why I am terr

Why do I feel like noone understands Why I am terr Rss

Just so you know, I have had an horrific life, sexually and physically abused throughout my childhood, on my own from 15 years of age. I made a decision back then, that I was not going to be a victim. I was going to be strong and make something of myself. Just because I suffered these things, that does not give me an excuse to be the victim, or do drugs, or be a criminal. Time and time again I hear of criminals using the excuse of rough childhood, or not loved at home or what have you to try and justify their actions. Their actions are a choice, just like I believe that depression is a choice. You allow yourself to be consumed by all the bad feelings and emotions and don't stand up to it and fight it. I have the perfect excuse to justify me being emotionally defunct, or weak and dependant on others. When I thought my son was going to die, I had the perfect excuse to to justify depression. But I point blank refused myself that path. It just wasn't an option. So I have suffered, and suffered greatly through my life, but I will not be a victim and I will not fall victim to emotional baggage. So after living it myself, I can say, leave your baggage at the door.
Well I am sorry for what you have endured and good for you - for coming out the other side and making it work for you and your family - but it still doesn't make sense to me that you believe it is a choice, if you have endured and come through not to fall victim then I would have thought you would be more interested in inspiring other women to seek help they need and support them however you can no stand up so judgingly saying 'get over it' or 'it is a choice'. How sad it is that you are so ill-informed enough about PND and similar emotional issues to realise it is not a choice - yes for some they can get on with it, suck it in and solider on but some can't - I have a very good friend who has suffered terrible PND and was seeing a counsellor 3 times a week on meds, visting 4 playgroups a week to try and get on with it - and tragically it still wasnt' enough - don't tell me to leave my baggage or any other mum for that matter to leave their baggage, (edited)
[Edited on 18/02/2008 by Huggies Moderator]

Wear your baby out!!!

I think you are confusing "empathy" with "sympathy". And as harsh as it may sound, I have no "sympathy" for people who wallow in their own self pity or use past sufferings as an excuse for future behaviours.

However, I may very well be able to "empathise" with what they went through to make them feel that way.
[Edited on 13/02/2008]
Empathy vs Sympathy

Empathy- intellectual & emotional awareness and understanding of another person’s thoughts, feelings, and behavior even that are distressing emphasizes understanding

Sympathy- sharing another’s feelings especially in sorrow or trouble through imaginative identification with the other’s situation
emphasizes sharing of another persons feelings and experiences

Wear your baby out!!!


The intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.


The fact or power of sharing the feelings of another, esp. in sorrow or trouble; fellow feeling, compassion, or commiseration.

Tag you're it!
Look we are not going to agree here. My initial point was that birth wasn't all about the mother or her surroundings. Who cares if a stranger delivers your baby as long you both come out of it alive. And if the staff treat you like crap - who cares, they are nothing to you. You are NOT defined as a woman by the birth you have and your baby will certainly not remember and/or care how they came into the world and instead just be thankful (hopefully) that they are here. Birth in itself is a wonderful and amazing experience and I for one will never allow anyone to tarnish or impede on my precious moments with my child. If a staff member were to treat me poorly, then they simply will not treat me. I am not aggressive at all, I just mean what I say and say what I mean. After I was re-admitted into hospital after I had my son, as I was so ill, they said they would feed my baby formula for the night and I wouldn't be breastfeeding. I said no and then they insisted. I advised them that in no way was I not going to feed my child and that I would do whatever was necessary to ensure that happened. And what do you know, I fed my child! Start as you mean to go on!
We could go around in circles all day/night and i for one am frightned about your lack of sympathy/empathy whatever you prefer to call it.

Just one point that you seem to miss over and over is that good for you it didn't happen to you against your will don't put down/ride down or disallow the fact that some mums more 'aggressive' some less - whatever you want to call it - are put in positions that they are forced against their will. THIS IS FACT.
After I was re-admitted into hospital after I had my son, as I was so ill, they said they would feed my baby formula for the night and I wouldn't be breastfeeding.

I TOO WAS IN A SIMILAR POSITION, albeit a little more involved - AND GUESS WHAT EVEN THOUGH I MET WITH THE HEAD OF NURSING, THE REGISTER ON DUTY and 3 other midwives - THEY STILL FEED ARTIFICIAL MILK!! - I too went on to bf - SO WHAT!??? This all came to light only recently when I received my notes 4 years later - don't tell me I wasn't assertive...

I was held down against my will by 2 staff members at hospital while they performed a VE - I was kicking at one of them to get them off me and shouting at the others to stop it......... IS THIS AGRESSIVE ENOUGH?????

I refer to my previous posts at this point because it goes back to the same thing, lack of understanding, empathy, sympathy, common human kindness & decency, thought and whatever other word you wish to insert that means you can see why someone feels the way they did even though it was not your personal experience.

PND IS REAL, PTSD IS REAL, BIRTHRAPE - IS REAL, MIDWIVES/DRS disrespecting patients is happening everyday.

Wear your baby out!!!

Birth is about the separation of the woman and the baby. (dictionary meaning) It IS important how this happens. It should be done with the utmost respect for both. How can this happen if the woman doesn't have any respect for herself?
This doesn't necessarily mean squatting in a room full of candles with some chanting monks, it simply means respecting the woman AND the child, emotionally and physically.

I find it so incredibly sad that people are so detached from the birth that they say it doesn't matter how it happens, as long as you both get out alive. What about physically healthy, what about happy, what about your baby not having respiratory problems, or feeding problems etc from having a medicalised birth? I keep seeing its not just about you. How is having most of the interventions not about you? Do women these days really have so little respect for their body they are happy to do whatever to it to have a baby? Doesn't anyone else find this scary? Why aren't women confident enough to be able to birth their babies without feeling they need an army of people and a hospital full of equipment? They are birthing their baby, nobody else. Where in history does it say that women just don't go into labour if you don't intervene?

I think people are confusing the problems that used to exist with childbirth (such as unsanitary conditions - dirty hands doing ves, genuine problems with the birth from actual physiological issues as opposed to hospital issues and not having appropriate medical equipment/treatment etc) with childbirth today. Yes things can go wrong, but isn't intervening or operating in anticipation of that happening a bit over the top. Especially when that can cause the outcomes they were trying to avoid in the first place.

I really am just astounded that women can say they don't care about the birth. Do people really not care about the birth or do they just not want to be disappointed if they hope for a certain birth? Birth really is about how you set it up. If you want a natural birth - then set up a birthing environment where this is safest for you to achieve this. If you are in labour and you are fearful - this increases pain, can make labour longer and can make the mum panic. Can people truly not see the connection?

I know I have gone on.....I just.... I really feel bad that women have so little care about their body. Its not bad to want your body to come out of birth the way it went in....albeit a little stretched. Perhaps people should be more concerned if they aren't concerned what happens to them AS WELL AS their baby.
pnd and ptsd are not just about getting over it. it also involves hormones and chemical interactions within the body.
good on you for being able to deal with a bad childhood and be assertive in your adult life, but not everyone is like that. i have suffered depression and it is not just as easy as getting over it. and there wasn't a 'real' reason for it either.
i think it is insensitive of you to suggest that it is as easy as all that.

Actually birth rape IS NOT real, we have had this discussion before. It may have been done against your will, but to imply that it was a sexual act is down right disgusting and disturbing on YOUR behalf and it is a term used to make your experience SOUND worse.

The implication that there will be less bonding between mother and child if there is medical intervention involved is so very ignorant. 2 CSs here and there was not one moment that I have felt that I didn't bond well with my children, that is not just me either, but most people I know that had medical intervention.

I know none of this will penetrate your skulls, but look at a different perspective for once in your little lives.
The implication that there will be less bonding between mother and child if there is medical intervention involved is so very ignorant. 2 CSs here and there was not one moment that I have felt that I didn't bond well with my children, that is not just me either, but most people I know that had medical intervention.


Switch this whole sentence around and apply it back to yourself - if that makes sense. Because you implying that it doesn't EVER damage the child/mother bond is very ignorant of you. And like this whole converstaion tht goes around and arouna and around. Obviously it worked for you.... but it doesn't work everyone, myself included and many other women.

[Edited on 18/02/2008 by Huggies Moderator]

Wear your baby out!!!

Actually I never said it doesn't EVER damage the bond,
[Edited on 18/02/2008 by Huggies Moderator]
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