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Stillborn Baby, How can I Help. Lock Rss

I had a beautiful baby boy three and a half months ago, I just love being a mum and I don't know what I'd do if anything ever happened to him. I just learnt today that a friend of mine delivered har baby and he was stillborn. He was perfectly normal, the pregnancy was reasonably straight forward and all was going well with labour, heartbeat was present until the monitor was put on and they lost him. He possibly had some sort of infection and the cord may have been around his neck. I have been really affected by this, I am feeling very down and I don't know what I can do to help or if I should keep my distance. They don't want any visitors at the moment but when or if I do visit should I go without my baby? They had previously miscarried and have been trying to have a baby for so long so this is terribly hard for them. Someone please help I am feeling so sad and just want to reach out to them, What should I do?
Hi,

I'm sure in time your friend will really appreciate your concern and sensitivity. You need to find a way to communicate your love and concern for your friend in a way that you are not in her face and that she can initiate the contact. I would suggest writing a simple message on a card, indicating you sorrow, concern and love for her, letting her know that you appreciate that she needs time to herself, but that you would love to talk to her when she feels ready. If you can afford it, have the card delivered with some flowers.

Allow her to initiate the first visit or phone call. On the first visit, I would organise to see her without bub. Let her chose whether she wants to talk about her experiences. If she raises the loss of her baby and you think you can, ask if she is comfortable next time if you can bring bub. At some point, she will need to get used to you being with bub and this will happen, but initially especially, it will be very painful for her. I suppose the important thing for you is slow and gentle.

I hope that helps. Let me know how you go.
Jodie

so sorry to hear about that, its such a horrible thing to have happen.
i would just send a card and let them know you are there when they need you.
I lost my baby two months ago at 39 weeks and my friends have been amazing in getting us through it. It is the little things that help. Although we weren't ready to see people yet they sent text messages everyday to tell us they were thinking of us, It is amazing how much this helps. They also took turns in bringing around dinner everynight and only stayed to eat with us when we were up to it. I was in quite a daze and didn't even really enter the kitchen much but I know they kept bringing things like milk and bread and fruit. This way we didn't have to go out ourselves ad risk seeing people we weren't ready to see because that is quite confronting. It made it easier because we weren't able to think of anything like that. Since we have been ready to see people they visit a lot just to be around. I think it is important to let your fried know that if she wants to talk about her baby it is ok. It really helped me to be able to talk about out little Lucas and eveything that happened. I know it is hard and you are probably worried about doing or saying the wrong thing, just remember that nothing you can say will ease their pain in anyway but you can make a big difference and help them through with little things. I don't think visiting at first with your baby would be a good idea. Even after two months seeing babies is really upsetting but at some stage you do have to try and cope with that. I know your friend might be different but these are some of the things that helped us through.
Thanks for the replies, I have sent some flowers and a card around. Life just isn't fair sometimes is it? Bad things happen to good people. How can someone come so far in a pregnancy (41 wks)and then have it all taken away from them? I'm really hoping they don't give up hope, they deserve the chance to bring a beautiful baby into the world - all responsible people do. You don't realise how lucky you are until something like this happens. I cherish every moment with my little one, they are just so beautiful. You guys that have been through the same situation are just so strong, I take my hat off to you.
[Edited on 08/10/2007]
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