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Does it get any easier? Lock Rss

I have never written on one of these forums before but from reading through previous messages you all seem to help each other through and I thought it help. On 12th August I gave birth to my beautiful Lucas stillborn at just over 39 weeks and am finding it very hard to cope. On the Wednesday everything was going well. On the Thursday I couldn't feel bub moving much and was worried but I had my regular doctors appointment that afternoon so just waited. During the appointment the doctor told me everything was fine and that his heartbeat was strong. I told her that I was worried he wasn't moving and that my stomach was sore but she insisted everything was ok. When I woke on the Friday I had an awful headache and still couldn't feel him moving. Everyone I spoke to that morning kept telling me that that was normal because he should stop moving as much at this stage. But I knew something was wrong and sure enough went to the hospital to hear the words I'll never forget "I'm sorry but he has no heartbeat". They induced my labour and my beautiful Lucas was born at 1:30pm on the Sunday.
We were told that there was a chance that had the doctor sent us to the hospital on the Thursday there is a chance that he could still be with us. That was really hard to hear, but i know being angry about it and trying to find someone to blame wont change anything or bring my boy back.
I just don't understand why any of this is happening. How could we get so close and then lose him. There was only a week until he was due and all our dreams would come true.
I am just not sure what it is I am supposed to do now? I was all ready to be a mum. And now I just feel so empty. My husband went back to work today so I have to try and find the strength to get through the days without him which is harder than I thought. Does it get any easier? I just can't imagine the pain ever ending.
Hi Jill, (I PM you to your other question.)....

As for your question about does it get easier....in the long run YES, however our bubs never leave our mind for a second.

I just think the days between our sadness get that little bit longer with time.

Someone wrote me a card once when my mum passed and written on it said ; TIME IS THE ONLY HEALER... and that is so true.

I think with time we are able to learn to deal with our loss that little bit easier.

Even after 3yrs 3mths 21days and 22hrs..I ache for my little girl and I still have sad days where I just hurt and yearn to hold her again.

You will find that your world is standing still and seeing everyone go about there business and get back to normal is heartwrenching because you life isn't that. I felt gutted, empty, and just wanted everyone to share my pain and stop for one second.
But as they say Life does go on and we just need to find that path for us to continue. You will, but it's a matter of time sweetie.

Take care and look after yourself ok. Drop in here anytime and chat to us. If we can share our sadness maybe we can get through it a little easier.

All my love,
Joey.
Mum to twins Luke 3yrs & ~Rhiarna~ my angel in heaven.....and bubba Ryan 5mths.

Luke & ~Rhiarna~ 13.05.04 & Ryan 26.03.07

i dont know if it gets any eaiser,my sister gave birth to Tiana lea this year on the 3 of june at 39 weeks [stillborn].she has a 4 year old boy that sometimes keep her mind of things.leah got no answers why it happened but she found out Tiana heart stop on leahs birthday which was very hard.she has her good and bad days.she sometimes thinks maybe god knew she was sick and thats why he took her.lighting her a candle everday is nice.at her grave and at home.we are a close family and she loves that but somepeople like to be by them self.I hope you find it a bit easier to talk to people who have gone through what you and your family are right now.you feel like they were born so perfect why aren't they here.they say time heals everything and think it does but it might take and while.my thoughts are with you and your family.
I'm really sorry for your loss. I can't tell you if it gets any easier, as I only lost my little girl on the 6th of August at 36 weeks. And only 48hours before she was born I had heard her heartbeat, so I can relate to the feelings you're having. I had trouble when my husband went back to work as well, I was just lucky that my 21month old is here to distract me. I can't imagine how it must be to lose your first bub. Its crazy how everything can be fine and then it all just stops. One suggestion I have is maybe contact sids and kids, if you want someone to talk to. Cause for me, I just love to talk about my little Rori, it really helps me deal. But I know everyone is different.
If ever you want to share how your feeling, this really is the place to do it.
Big Hugs,
Em

Ava May 18/11/05 & Rori Elaine (stillborn) 6/8/07

I am so sincerely sorry about your precious baby. My Bailey was 38wks gest & born still on the 12th august 2005. My story goes exactly like yours.
he had a true knot in the cord & it was around his neck & leg. He was my 4th child.
jp409c is so right. Only time will be able to help you. 2yrs on for me, the sadness & flashbacks are still there, but it eases somewhat allowing you to return to a normal life. The way i explain it, is that I will never be the same old tracy. And its so true. Although i am able to truly laugh now, & smile, there will always be that small hole in my heart that belongs to Bailey. Take the time to talk to those who have been through this torture. It helps tremendously. Dont feel guilty when you struggle to look at pregnant wonmen or newborn babies in the street. Your feelings are perfectly natural & will ease over time.Everyone is different, but personally i found it started to get a little better after the 1st anniversary. But i was fortunate enough to have my sweet newborn Brody born 8/6/06 before Baileys 1st anniversary. Many women cant bare the thought of having another child so soon, others desperately need to try again. This was not of course to replace bailey, but at the time it was everything i needed to do...
Take care of you,
regards of HOPE & STRENGTH to you and your family

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Thankyou foe your replies and I so sorry for the loss of your babies. It is awful to think of other people going through this. I have had a bit of a better day today. I managed to call into my work to visit which wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, but I have been feeling a bit stringer today. I guess I have to think about going back soon. The thought of having to say out lud what happened when people asked or to people who don't know terrifies me.


Tracylee I am so sorry to hear about your loss and glad you have your little Brody to hold now. I was just wondering how you knew it was time to try again. Did you know? Having Lucas has made my husband and I realise just how ready for this we were and how much we want to be parents. Nothing will ever replace our first baby nor would we ever want to. But I do feel that I'd like to try again soon (although I am terrfied for many reasons). I am just worried that I wont know when I am ready. Do you ever feel that you didn't wait long enough? Were you scared for the whole pregnancy or were you able to enjoy it at all?Sorry if that is too personal I am just trying to make sense of everything I am feeling.


i have sent you a private message #

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