Whats next??

Hi all you wonderful mum's. I lost my baby on saturday at 9 weeks. 4th Preganacy. I have 3 beautiful boys and i never had any trouble falling or through preg. this has been such a shock to me i just don't know what to do next. Can anyone enlighten me on how long before they started trying again. (I had a D & C) i feel a bit silly i am 36 and crying all the time i keep thinking about what i did that put my baby at risk, why, wht happened.??

The Dr told me to call at the end of the week to get results? What can they tell you?
I would love to hear from anyone who can help?

a miscarrage just happens, its not usualy something the mother has done. most are because the embryo didnt attatch properly or there was something 'wrong' with the embryo. so dont worry yourself that you did something wrong because you didnt. i think you can start TTC right away but its best to wait for a cycle so you know when your ovulating etc. im verry sorry to hear of your loss and it hurts no matter what age so let yourself cry.

i'm feeling for you - i have had 2 miscarriages in the past 6 months, first was right at the beginning of the pregnancy and the 2nd i thought i was nearly 12 weeks but it had stopped growing at about 6 weeks.

please do not feel silly for crying. you are perfectly entitled to cry. i was a mess (still am a little bit) but i am getting better slowly - it's been nearly 2 months since the most recent one.

my fiance and i are trying again and may possibly be pregnant again now - we're scared i'll have another miscarriage but we just have to keep our fingers crossed that everything is ok this time.

my doctor told me to try again whenever we felt ready. i personally feel it's best to wait at least one cycle and only if you're ready emotionally.

i had a d & c for my most recent as well and am still waiting on DNA test results. i had about 30 blood tests as well and they all came back normal so we don't know why it's happened.

will be thinking of you.

i am so sorry for your loss i too have just been through the same thing a month ago i had a missed m/c at 10wks and a d&c my doctor told me to wait 3 months but me and hubby desided we are gonna start trying soon my doctor never iformed me of any blood test to see what had happened
hugsxx

I lost my first pregnancy when I was 6 weeks and I remember asking the doctor "why I have lost my baby for" and I remember my doctor saying that sometimes mother nature takes control when their is something wrong with the baby and I remember thinking that it was my fault for losing my baby and I was only 22 years old when I was my baby but after while you do get better but you never stop thinking about the baby that you have loss and wonder if it was a girl or boy.

After four months after losing my firs baby I fell pregnant again and at the begining of the pregnancy I was so scared that I was going to lose my daughter as well but I had a healthy beautiful little girl and now she is 2 years old and I just keep thinking how lucky to have her in my life.

Hi there Amanda
I am terribly sorry to hear about your loss. I too have a special angel in heaven. My angel was lost by m/c at 14 weeks and the doctors couldn't tell me why. I had only just told people that we were preg, as i thought that we were into the "safe time". These things sometimes happen. It is actually 20% of pregnancies that end in m/c. I know that this doesn't ease the pain, it will never ease the pain, but there was nothing that you did that put your baby at risk. I have since been blessed with an amazing DD, but i still think about my angel every day, i thinks about what could have been, and it always brings a tear to my eye & a lump in my throat. I then remember that if my angel had of lived, then i wouldn't have the beautiful baby that i have today.

Good Luck and i hope that you get the answers that you are looking for.
Take care.
M xx

Hi Amanda

I had 2 m/c in early 2004, with 1 month in between. I didn't want to wait long after the first before trying again. After the second m/c I was told i could try again whenever i felt ready (I had had a d&C), but i was so devastated we took a 6 month break before TTC again.

After the second i had lots of blood tests done (had to see several drs before they would do them - many drs think you should wait til you've had 3 m/c before testing, but my tears won them over in the end). They actually discovered I had an issue with my immune system that may have caused the m/c, but as they didn't test me at the time I m/c'd it was inconclusive. After another year or so of trying I finally fell pg with DD - now 9 months old. I was advised to take low dose aspirin thru that pregnancy just in case the immune problems flared up. This time around i'm doing the same again. I don't want to worry you with my story...my issue is quite rare.

The vast majority of m/c are just choromosomal probs or other issues with the baby. Its very unlikely you did anything wrong. They say that Mother nature is very good at supporting healthy babies and letting the others go....I found that advice completely useless when it was told to me....but it is true.

You may not get any answers to why this happened. My advice is just to wait til you are ready to try again...there is no right or wrong answer. And trying again does not mean you didn't love the baby you lost.

And cry, cry, cry.....all you need. Don't do what i did after my 1st m/c and go into denial. You and your husband need to grieve. Men find it just as hard as women, but they don't know how to deal and they want to be strong for us....so be there for him too.

Lots of girls here understand what you are going thru, we're all here for you.

Good luck, and best wishes

Claire

Thanks ladies for you support. I just need to let out some steam.
We never told the other kids that we were preg. So they don't know of our loss. But today my eldest 11yo boy has told me he wants to live with his father my ex ( re married this year )
I am devestated again, no this can't be happening. I lost my baby now my first born wants to leave me. I just cant stop crying, i feel like such a failure.

Oh Amanda, I really feel for you. You were so strong not to tell your kids, and for your eldest to want to move in with his Dad is a tough blow at this sad time. I'm sure his news would be a very hard thing to cope with at the best of times.

Feel free to vent....there are lots of supportive mums here. Do you have any family or friends who you can lean on too?

Sending you big hugs...

I am still carrying the baby they say I am miscarrying, it is still growing. I too feel lost, so can relate to that. I think that you have a lot more going on than you should have to go through on your own. Perhaps it be wise to see someone at the hospital who is experienced in loss. I wonder if your son is getting a little spoilt when he visits dad - things will be different when he lives there. He may be back before you can miss him! I do hope you have a supportive partner to help you through, my husband has been wonderful and I know it is helping me through. Best of luck to you and we are here for a chat about anything..
[Edited on 10/09/2007]