I hate it I hate it I hate it

Hi girls,
I ran in to my dd swimming teacher yesterday, anyhow she had a little girl (9 weeks ago) and i would have been due 2 weeks ago and she said oh were is bubs had to go though the whole lost it ect, and then she piped up and said OH i think when things happen like that it is for the best, WELL NO i just needed to be on the right meds and everything would have been fine, my dh was with me and he said oh dont worry about that it is just her not knowing but grrr how could another woman say it is for the best lossing not one but 2 in a row in the space of under 4 mths grrr sorry for the vent.

best wishes
NIkki

Nikki,

That's awful. It is true, people don't know what to say and in some cases, there is a reason for losing bubs, but you don't say that to someone who has lost a baby. I have been very lucky about how people have reacted to our loss. I have found everyone to be really considerate and supportive, but I know that is not everyone's experience.

I wish you all of the best with #2

Jodie

it happened to my sister to.she took her ds to pre school for the first time since the loss of her dd at 39 weeks [stillborn].and she was talking to the teacher and she said oh but then you gotta think there are worse things that happen to people out there in the world?and my sister thought no hang on a min what can be worse then burring your own child.some people dont think my sister said when she told me she should of said something but just couldnt think.

Hi Nikki,

Vent away love! I reckon, in the last 12 months, if I wrote down every screwed up thing people say, I'd be able to put them all together and make a book called "what not to say when someone looses a baby"! I think its a combination of being put on the spot, trying to say the right thing, not knowing what to say, and then some times, a little bit of stupidity.

Your DH is probably right on this one, she probably just didn't know what to say. Lol we all know what to say... "I'm so sorry, it must very hard for you"... but for some reason it escapes some.

Heya

I can't believe people say things like that! Its true that she probably didn't know what to say, but surely she could have thought of something better than that! And I also agree with the comment what could be worse than burying your own bub, or losing them. Its something you can't imagine, you only know what its like if it happens to you. So you definitely have a right to be upset! Grrr....

Em

hey..I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I know it's not easy when these experiences take place but there's really nothing that you could of done to change anything (don't blame yourself). My experieces may not be the same as yours but mine are still in the process.. I am 37wks pregnant tomorrow and know my baby may die. she has a heart defect called Transposition of the great arteries. She has to have an operation otherwise she will die. I know there is a 95% chance that she will survive but still it's not a guarantee. The thought of losing her rips me to threads as I have not lost anyone close to me before. I probably would of been one of those people to say something without thinking maybe because I haven't had a loss so close. it's when our lives become so comfortable that we think we are immune to everything bad.. Because it always happens to other people and never to you. you have to look on the positive side of life. being bitter about other peoples thoughtless words isn't worth it. try to embrace the moments you had with your baby, the happy moments. And shrug off peoples silly comments. Cheer up. when I watch all these medical shows about babies I think there are alot of things out there that people endure far more than what I'm going through and I count myself lucky..

Posted by: linkage
I reckon, in the last 12 months, if I wrote down every screwed up thing people say, I'd be able to put them all together and make a book called "what not to say when someone looses a baby"!

Hey Linkage....totally agree mate....

with us we lost our twin and I swore that if I heard just one more person say "At least you still have one"...I reckon I would of clocked them bigtime.... or the worst ever is when you hear "Things happen for a reason" oh crap.

Truly I think there are just insensitive people out there and yes they haven't been through what we have therefore don't know how to respond or what to say.... Just be a friend I say or simply keep ya mouth shut....

Sorry if this sounds a little harsh but I just encounted this just a few minutes a go...with a workmate I've known for years. We were talking about her friend who m/c and she said "better now then later".....well I saw red didn't I.... I hate these little comments, I know they are innocent comments but to us they hurt.

Joey...
Mum to Lukey 3yrs & Ryan 5mths .....and my baby girl ~Rhiarna~ in heaven...

oh i know exactly how you feel i have had 2 in a row too and my sister in law is due 1 month before i would have been due she has an 18month son also. when we were telling her about the long waits to have the d&c she said i know what you mean i had to have my bladder full for the hour drive to get my scan done it was so uncomfortable - yeh sure that compairs!she is still happily pregnant and didnt have to have a scan and see no heartbeat but thats not the worst just 2 days after my d&c (i should of been 16 weeks preg) my father inlaw shows me a tattoo that he just got with the name of sister in laws baby and said "when i get one to stick to make sure i give it a short name so the tattoo doesnt hurt so much"- i coulda died right there on the spot i didnt know what to do i was so upset and angry and i still cant work out how anyone could think that was a good thing to say and besides i did get them both to stick thats why i had to have d&c's weeks after they died. this time i dont want to tell anyone till after 20 weeks in the hope that everything will be normal and i wont have to hear anymore stupid comments.