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so angry Lock Rss

I'm glad you had a good day and don't feel guilty about it, as hard as it is you still need to be normal & do normal things.

The pregnancy thing is so hard, like I said I waited a month then took a few months to fall, I am excited about it all but its hard not to feel cheated IYKWIM? I think I should be 24wks not 5, but I have to move on.

Ignore the comments, people mean well but its awful to hear, a lot of people tell me that there was prob something wrong, but I ended up just saying to them I don't care I wanted it anyway and if they don't know what to say please don't say anything. I know I sound harsh but it was driving me crazy!! I actually had a friend on the phone the other day and Charlotte was being naughty and she said aren't you glad your not having #3 now?? I was horrified I ended up hanging up, I just don't think people think about what they say before they say it.
Did you have a D&C? or did bubby pass naturally? Hope you don't mind me asking.
Well good luck with everything.
Jess
thats so sad jess, i understand what you mean about feeling cheated. hopefully you will be past the 25 week mark before you know it.

you have every right to tell people thats how you feel. I honestly think anyone that would say things like that havent experienced this before. It WASNT for the best, not for you, me and for all these other girls.

OMG i cant believe what your friend said. That's the most horrible thing i've ever heard. Some people just dont think before they speak

Bubby passed naturally he said cos my uterus was just about empty when he did the scan. He said next period might be worse then usual but he said its normal so i shouldnt need a d&c cos it was so early.

xxx
Hi Denae and ladies,
I was almost 22 weeks and went in labour....I gave birth to my son Riley only to wait for him to pass away as I was told to expect as he was too young to try to save. This happened on the 7-6-07 and I only just got the results wed which were that I had a blood clot behind the placenta. In the mean time I was still bleeding and they did a scan to reveal that I still had some placenta and had to have a d&c last Monday.
It's so hard to find the balance in life where you grieve for your lost child but carry on for your child/children you have with you now. All I can say is be happy when your feelings let you and be sad when you know you need a cry.
I got really angry at my Mum yesterday as she said that "one day I will figure out why Riley was taken from me" NO NO NO NONO. There will NEVER be a good enough reason why my healthy baby boy was torn from my body 5 & 1/2 months into the pregnancy. I hate the saying now “things happen for a reason". There is no reason good enough that we lost our little angels.
It's been 5 days after my d & c and I’m still bleeding. Who knows when my body will get back to normal? Hopefully soon, because I’m so sick of pains in my stomach and a constant reminder of what happened.

I wish you all well.xoxoxoxox

Rachael, Kobe 21/8/2005

Rachael, im crying for you now. That's NOT fair what happened to you, that shouldn't happen to anyone. Im so sorry, the wounds for you are still fresh and cant imagine what you would be feeling. Im so sorry hun, i hope one day you will be okay. huge hugs

Well im having another down day today. A friend told me last night it was a "good thing" that i lost a baby. How can that be a good thing??? I was so upset when she told me and now i just feel like breaking down again even though im crying already. Why would anyone ever say that??? Im hurting enough without people telling me that i should wait for the wedding and that its a good thing and that it just wasnt meant to be. This is exactly why i didnt want to tell ANYONE. Im sick of people judging me! How cant they see that im hurting?
Oh Denae, obviously your friend has not been through the hurt that you have to say something so insensitive, its just cruel to say things like that. I found a lot of people that haven't been through it don't realise how much it really does hurt as I was told by people that its not really a baby yet and not fully formed etc, it is a baby and it was YOUR baby, nothing is ever going to change that.
I was lucky that I had an ultrasound before my baby died so I have scrapbooked the photo and put it with my other kids ultrasounds but have been told that its morbid.
This baby is no different to Cohen, it was still your beautiful little baby and if you want to talk about it like that you should be able to, our little boy knows that we have our little angel in heaven and still talks about her all the time.
Give yourself time and it will get easier, I am thinking of you.
Jess
it was my baby, it had a heartbeat sad its not morbid at all, i think it's beautiful. Im glad you got an u/s though it would be harder knowing you saw your beautiful baby and then it slip away so quietly. Thanks Jess, you and the other girls have been such a great support. WOuldnt know what i would do if i couldnt let out how i was feeling... i always seem to hold back when im talking to people in person so it makes it a little easier xx
hey jess i think thats great, i too had an ultrasound with my first pregnany at 6 weeks due to spotting, and we had a heart beat. i lost the bub 4 weeks later but dont have anything to remember it by. my third pregnancy i started spotting from the get go so i knew i was gonna lose it and never went for an ultrasound, i lost it the day before i went in for my 12 week scan. i think its wonderful you have something of your little angel.

denea, im glad this has been a good outlet for you. somewhere you can speak to people who care without having to face to face. i hope your feeling better soon.
Thanks Danae,
It has been such a hard journey. I think about Riley all the time. I want to incule him in every day life, which is hard as his presence was so short. I will always include him when i can.I would give anything to hold him in my arms again.

"Good thing hey!!!!!!!" I think our family and friends only say things to try and help however they really need to think a little harder before they talk. I'm sure they all mean well , but seriously they need to know their comments hurt. That's why i told my Mum not to ever say them sayings infront of me again.
It was NOT a good thing that you lost you little bub. HOw could it ever be good??? or how could there ever be a reason good enough to loose your child unborn or born?????

Keep your chin up, thin positve about your future but still grieve when you need to. I think that's the key.

Rachael, Kobe 21/8/2005

rachael, im so sorry to hear whats happened. it's something i cant even imagine.
i too said something along those lines when my nephew died. he was born too early and his mum and dad had to make the decision to take him off the breathing machine (he couldnt breath on his own) and i said to the father it's for the best, meaning their choice to take him off the machine was for the best not the fact that this all happened but i didnt explain myself and still to this day i wish i had. their decision was for the best because bub had very little chance of survival and if he did survive he would have been badly brain damaged. i didnt mean it the way it was said and i hope he didnt take it that way. my point is people dont mean harm they just say these things so try not to let it hurt you. easier said than done i know.
Hi Denae,

Sorry to hear of your loss. I had bleeding around 12 weeks, called the hospital and they said it was perfectly normal for 10 weeks but i said well I'm 12? They said everything is fine, not to worry. I didn't have any cramping tho. So I went to doctor who checked for bubs heartbeat but couldn't find it, again she said not to worry as at that age sometimes difficult to catch the heartbeat!!! So I put it all behind me and moved on - the day before I was due for my first check-up at the hospital, at 15 weeks, I was admitted to hospital after blood and water started gushing out of me at home - along with pains. I had to "deliver" my baby after a 4 hr ordeal. I blamed myself for a while but I knew it wasn't my fault and you need to know that too! Even if you had of gone to the doctor it would probably have been too late. As they are so so small there isn't a lot they can do. Unfortunately it was there way of saying "I'm not ready". As I delivered my baby I got to see her and we had her cremated. We named her and got a brooch with her name on it, we also made a special box to put in her belongings in.

I suggest taking some time out to name bubs (based on what you thought it would be) and do a few little things to keep their spirit alive. You don't have to involve your partner/husband or anyone else - just do it for you.


Anyways, I feel your pain sweetheart and I am thinking of you at this painful time.

You know the next one will be all that more special smile

Hugs
Bree
[Edited on 13/08/2007]
[Edited on 13/08/2007]

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