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Tegan's Story Lock Rss

ant bec
so sorry to hear of the recent loss of your baby girl Lily. You picked a beautiful name for her.
Thinking of you and yours
Best wishes and we are all here for a chat if you need us.
[Edited on 07/08/2007]

Thanks spunkymonkey, it is nice to chat to others who have had the same experience.

We are still coming to terms with what happened and Anton (my husband) can't even talk about Lily. If someone starts to talk about her he changes the subject. He would like to have another baby soon so he has got another child to love and play with etc however i would like to wait at least 6 mths. We are going to review the situation in 3mths.

How long would you ladies suggest waiting before having another baby?
Antbec
I dont think that there is a right or wrong answer to that.

We found ourselves unexpectantly pregnant within 5 months of losing Thomas and to be honest it was very hard as we were really still in that acute stage of grief.Then I think to myself that even if we had more time between I dont think it would have made things any easier IYKWIM?
A subsequent pregnancy is always going to be hard. Due to our closeness in time I had Flynn a week after what would have been Thomas' first birthday/anniversary and that was really hard.So my advice would be to avoid falling when it will bring your EDD to around the same of the loss of your little one.
As for husbands wow thats a whole other story!
18 months on and my DH still has trouble talking about it.Whereas I like to talk about him as it is important to me that he is acknowledged as a part of our family.We had lots of pictures taken and he has never looked at them.But I know the day will come when he wants to,whereas I look at them often.
He will deal with things differently than you will.My advice would be to keep the lines of communication open and be kind to each other.

I am sorry for your loss of little Tegan.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Jody
antbec

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your amazing daughter, If you ever need to talk i'm always here.

Peter was very much the same in regards to not wanting to speak about Tegan after the birth, When people tried consoling him or generally talking about Tegan he changed the subject quicker then the blink of an eye. I never pushed him into talking about her or what happened i let him do it in his own time. In time your husband will come to terms with it, Until then just let him feel as upset, angry & emotional as he wants. It took Peter about 6 months to openly talk about Tegan to me and others, He did however comfort me in my time of need.

In relation to wanting another baby only the 2 of you can decide that. I always thought if i had a baby so soon after Tegan it would be replacing her and i just couldn't do that. That was my thoughts back then. Since having Trenton (4 years later) i now know that it's impossible to replace Tegan.

All the best to you and your family, I'm here if you need a shoulder to cry on or just a chat!

Anne xxx
Hi Girls,

Its very sad to hear so many stories of bubbas growing their angel wings. What I do find comforting is that all the women on here are able to show such strong support to one another. I don't know about anyone else, but I've found sids and kids to be great. That have some great resources on line too. There is a good booklet they have published in relation to having another baby. I read it from cover to cover when we were thinking about it... Thought I would post a link to their resources page so everyone could have a look.

http://www.sidsandkids.org/publications.html

Big hugs to everyone!

Thanks Anne and spunkymonkey

We actually have 2 photos that we display in the lounge and that is kinda helping us through things at the moment. What i'm finding hard is Anton is back at work (he's a dairy farmer) and i would love him to be at home to help me out a bit more with Lorelei. I know its impossible tho as they have allocated time off - 2wks on 2 days off. They are in the middle of calving at the moment and there are days where he comes home sad because they have had some stillbirths and a few of them are the old girls calves but mainly the heifers.

But the nice thing is that my younger SIL is having a baby next year and it will be cool if it is a girl as we will be giving her some stuff that we have.

Did any of you guys take the nursery down or did you leave it up? We have left ours up.

Rebekah
my sister gave birth to her daughter tiana 3 mths ago she was stillborn at 39 weeks.i dont like saying the word stillborn i dont know why?she went in for her check up as always and was told im sorry but there is no heart beat.everything was fine the week before so she had lots of questions why but they have no answer.her husband wants a baby soon but she wants to wait.she is very scared to have another one.they told her the baby was healthy and so was she.its something they are still looking into.we go to her grave everyday.we all miss her everyday as you miss your little one to.i wish you well to you and your family.
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