Loss of a twin

Hi

I was wondering if any one out there has lost a twin. I had twins boys in Feb 07 at 29 weeks. Both Jett and Kai were doing well for their size and were out of the most intensive level at KEMH in WA. At 16 days, Jett died from NEC which affects the bowels. The devastation is too hard to describe. You are grieving but you also have to be strong for the other twin who survived. Kai spent 9 weeks in hospital and is fighting fit now, but I often wonder how many other women there are out there coping with this unique loss. I have counselling with a lady who also lost a twin years ago who is great. I would to love hear from other women who had had the same experience as the loss is still as painful as it was on the day Jett died.
Thanks
Helen
Mum to Kai- 5 months

Hi there Helen,

I'm sorry you lost one of your little bubbas! I'm sorry I can't relate to your specific situation, I understand though how hard it would be.

There is a forum on the NSW sids and kids web site (just google it) and there is a few women on there who are in your same situation. I think from some of the things that they have posted, there is a group that deals specifically with twin loss, and the loss of one twin (or multi birth). If you have any trouble finding the forum, pm me and I'll post a link for it.

Hi Helen, just want to say that I cannot imagine what you are going through.
Have you joined the AMBA forum??? (Australian multiple birth association) There ia a specific area for mums who are grieving and mums who are supporting and counselling.You will be able to talk about Jett and have mums be able to relate to you and Kai will not be left out of discussions either.
Please go and have a look at the site or if you like I can put you in touch with someone who can better help.
PM me and I will put things into motion.

hi helen, im so sorry for your loss. i cant help you with your suituation ive never been through it, but you are more than welcome here to share your thoughts and feelings, the women here a wondeful and will help you get through it.

Hi

Thanks for your responses. I'll try the website and get in touch with the multiple birth association in Perth. It's nice to know that there is support out there as a lot of people who I know have struggled to know what to say. A lot of people do not even mention Jett's name which is so sad as I love talking about him. I'm really determined to keep his memory alive and I'll always say I have two children.

Thanks
Helen

Hi Helen,

I found that as well, people wouldn't say Olivia's name or talk about her. But once I started talking about her, my friends felt more comfortable mentioning her. Now, particularly with my close friends, they mention her just like she was still alive, I guess. We don't talk about her all the time, but when something comes up in conversation about pregnancy, or labour, or something like that, they will mention my experience and say her name like it isn't a big deal. Its a great feeling when it happens, and people don't hesitate when they say your bubs name.

Good on you for always saying you have two children. I hope people will come to understand the way you feel, and feel comfortable talking about Jett!

Jo

Hi Helen,

My name is Joey and I was pregnant with twins and delivered at 33 weeks (May 04) (4 days after finding out Rhiarna had stopped breathing). Rhiarna died due to "fetomaternal transfussion", simular to twin to twin but in my case it was Twin to Mother.

Lukey just turned 3 and is a on the go energetic 3 yr old.

Helen I am a member of OzMost (Aussie Mums of Surviving twins) please email me at joanne.pirrone@bigpond.com if you would like more information.

I received one of their booklets within the first 2 weeks of losing our little girl but I was in denial that I needed any help/support. It wasnt' until Luke was nearly one that I took the plunge and put my hand up. I haven't looked back since, the mums are just wonderful and I can talk about Rhiarna openly and not be judged. Rhiarna is talked about and every anniversary is shared with other mums of surviving twins so they know exactly what I'm going through. They have been my lifeline and support every inch of the way..

Take care sweetie
Joey.

Hi Joey

I have joined OzMost! It is just what I needed. Other people like yourself to talk to. Thankyou a million times. I've just posted an email on line. Sometimes I feel better when I have written something down. Hopefully going to the Sids and Kids group counselling in August as well which is also helpful.

Sometimes I feel like the only one. Hopefully from now on I know it's not just me.

Thanks again

Helen
Mum to Kai and Jett (my angel baby)

Tanks Danielle

I have joined Sids and Kids and OzMost, but any further support would be appreciated.

thanks

helen

Helen,

I'm so glad that you took that step and joined OzMost, it's an amazing support and full of beautiful women who really know what to say...especially when feeling down and out.

I do hope that you get out of the group what I have over the past 2 yrs, without them I'm not sure how I would of survived.

Chat soon sweetie,
Joey.

Mum to twins Luke 3yrs & ~Rhiarna~ my angel girl and bubby Ryan 4 months.

Hi Joey

I got some devastating news the other day. A friend of mine had a baby boy and called him Jett. I'm so upset. It feels like I'm back to square one again. I cannot believe how insensitive she has been by doing this. We got a text message. No phone call before hand and she never asked me if she could use his name. I feel like she has no respect for my Jett or my husband and I. I can't stop crying. I've spoken to my counsellor who said this a hurdle I have to cross, but I'm so lost...The pain is unbelivable. I have sent a couple of exts messages back asking why she would do this and explaining how upset I am but haven't heard back.

Helen

im just lost for words why your friend would do that??im sorry for your loss,my sister just gave bith to a still born little girl named tiana she carried her for 39 weeks,i would be so angry if one of her friends called there baby tiana.i wish you well and you dont need her you have your family and other friends who will be there for you.