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Is It a Good TIme Lock Rss

Hey Ladies

Just wanting to know ....those of you lucky woman that are now pregnant ..what let you know that you are ready to have another bub ??

I had a M/C at 13 weeks 5 weeks ago and I still dont know weather i want another or not ....I am not half as strog as some of you woman and I would never cope if anything happened again ..

Obviously having another M/C is always going to be on your mind ...but do you have times where you do enjoy being pregnant or is it always fear ??

Frances
hi frances, weve been speaking alot lately. you will know when your ready, if your having doubt then i think its safe to say your not ready, when all you can think about is being pregnant again with a NEW bub then in my opinion you are ready, and you ARE strong you are making it through this and being a mother to your son your just as strong as all the other woman here. there are times you enjoy it particualy at the end when all you are is bub and you can even feel their hands move, but there will always be something that worries you.
Hey Frances,

I knew straight away, even the night Olivia died, that I wanted to have more children. Olivia was our first pregnancy, and it was planned. We were both at a stage where we wanted to have kids and become a family. Those feelings didn't change because she died, if that makes sence. I suppose for me, I had a certain period of time where it was advised that I shouldn't get pregnant, carrying to full term and having an emergency c section. So I knew there was a period of time where I shouldn't get preggers. Once we were at the end of that time, I still had a very strong urge to be pregnant.

I personally don't think waiting any longer would change the level of fear that I have, that history will repeat, or that something completely different will go wrong. There is only so many things we can control. We can take vitamins, be healthy, eat the right foods, do the right exercise, and give our bubs every possible chance to survive. There is also an element of the process that is beyond our control. I think once we accept that, then we are in the best position we can be in to go through another pregnancy. We can do everything right. Perfect in every single way, and mother nature can still strike.

I don't think the fear ever goes away. I still think today, "crap, what if it happens again", no one can say it wont, but we have to assume that everything will be fine.

I felt a strange sence of calm for the first half of the pregnancy, I knew that if something went wrong, then there was nothing that I could possibly do to stop it. If I had a m/c or went into early labour before say around 20-22 weeks, I knew that there was nothing I could do to change anything. (aside from the obvious in going to hospital if I had any problems) Since then, on the other hand... If I feel something is wrong, I know at this stage (34 weeks) that I can get myself to the hospital, and I know that there are medical inteventions they can do to help bubs in the event that something goes wrong. So I've found the 2nd half i've been more anxious. Once I was past 24 weeks, I started doing kick counts every day, and I have a pattern now of how active DD is. So in my mind, I'm doing something to actively help DD if she does get into trouble. If something does go wrong, I can say in all honnesty that I've done everything I possibly can to help her survive. Does that make sence.. probably as clear as mud!

I have had moments where I hate being pregnant and just wish it was all over, like this week, and other times where I love laying down, and putting my hand on my belly, and feeling her kick away.

You need to take your time, assuming you don't have any other medical issues which means you have less time, 5 weeks isn't a long time, so being unsure at this stage would be completely natural. You are the one that has to deal with it all, with the help of your DH or DP of course. You both have to make a decision about whats right for you guys. Take your time and don't let anyone tell you what you should do. Listen to peoples advise sure, but you need to take what you need from it.

When ever I get too scared, I close my eyes and try and picture what it WILL (not might) be like to have DD laying on my chest for the first time looking up at me and making eye contact... thinking about how warm her skin will be, and how her breath will feel on my skin. Who couldn't enjoy a feeling like that.

Don't under estimate yourself. You never know how strong a woman is, until you put her in hot water!

Oh Linkage ..you are just going to make the best mum ...you ahve already made me feel better ..teary but better ha ha
Thanks again Mummytocuties !!
My Hubby wants to start straight away ..he is ready now and wants another ASAP ..he has always wanted heaps of kids and it is a dream i used to share with him ..he said that loosing Charlie has made him more determined not to wait ..He is nowhere near as scared as I was ..he handled the whole thing really badly ..he wasnt as supportive as he usually is ..this is really out of character for him ..he is known for is gentlness and kindness ...he has been anything but through this time .......I think he is just dealing with it in a diffrent way to me ...dont get me wrong he is still my world ...!!!

I jsut wish there was a sign ...like a neon sign that said "your ready now"..no such luck hey ???
Guys do deal with things very differently. I think society expects them to get over it a lot quicker than they expect women to. It took us over 10 months to get DD1's autopsy report, they had a lot to follow up on. I read it over and over, coppied it, and highlighted stuff I wanted to ask the dr, looked up stuff on line, getting definitions of stuff I didn't understand, I read it over and over. DH literally flicked through it, (its like 8 pages of detailed info) in about 2 or 3 minutes and said "okay then", that was it... LOL, didn't we have a massive barney!! We did get over it very quickly though! Sometimes our differences mean we can support each other at different times in the grieving process.

As for being ready now, it might take your body a few cycles to get back into a pattern as well. Maybe try and get your head around the possibility or idea of being preggers first.

I have alreay got this big plan in place if this bub doesn't survive. (touch wood) I'll stay off on maternity leave, do my Aromatherapy course that I'm doing, I'll go back to full time work and DH and I will build our dream house. So I have a plan I guess. Once I figured that out in my head, my anxiety levels did drop a lot. I haven't really spoken to DH about it, its just something that I think in my head. I don't think anyone who hasn't been in our siutation would understand it, and probably think its quite morbid, but I think people who have been through a loss would totally understand it!

I remember seeing an episode of Dr Phil once, he said when you can't decided what to do, spend a week thinking about one side of the coin, and wear that situation around in your head for a week. Then the next week, wear the other situation around for a week. So for one week think you are ready to try again and think about being preggers.... Then the next week think about not being preggers and not trying again and after that two weeks. Sit down and see if you have made a choice...

Luke's Mum
Its hard to know when the right time is. I found out I was pregnant 5 months after we lost DS2. My husband was very angry at first but I think that just stemmed from fear. To be honest I didnt enjoy my 3rd pregnancy very muchI was to scared too. Its like I didnt want to get my hopes up and just kept saying to myself yes we are having a baby but it might die too. When I think back on it I did torture myself with my thoughts but I think its just a coping mechanism kicking in.

I miscarried twins at 11 weeks. I was told by drs to wait one full cycle before trying again. I fell pregnant the first month of trying.

Its easy to say but you know in your heart when its time to start trying again. Be prepared if it takes a while to fall again though. With this pregnancy, it took 5 months. It broke my heart as my first 2 pregnancies, I fell immediately.

Guys handle things so much differently. You can't say its wrong as it must be their way of coping. Their bodies don't have to handle the hormones and physical symptoms so they find it difficult to connect to the situation. Just remember, they love us and they WANT to do the right thing, even if they don't know what that is

alphabits.com.au scrapbooking - ask me about it ..

Thanks so much for all your replys everybody ...

Last night I was telling hubby about all you wonderful women in here and the support that I am getting

I told him I dotn talk to anybody about my misscarrage that has said "must have been a reason "...or one of those obligitory things they say to make you feel better ...I know they have no idea what to say and I appreciate the effort to try and make me feel better ..It just dosnt ...people who say things like that must have absolutly no idea or comprehension of what I am going through ..so I dont talk to them about how i feel ...hope that diddnt come accross the wrong way as I know they are doing it with the best intensions .....When I told hubby this is why I never talk about it to him as he is of the opinion that there must have been something wrong for me to misscarry ...he asked me if I am holding onto this to much ????..as in talking on here is just keeping the pain alive ........how can I marry a man who could be so wrong ??????They say hard times test a marrage ...they are right ....I am in no way thinking of backing out of my marrage as I am still hopelessly in love with him ...I just never thought he could be so uncaring as this is totally out of character for him ..

I was talking to my mother in law the other night (who by the way is a absolute angel ) and she has had two misscarrages ..30 years ago ...and she said that she thinks of those babies every night before she gos to sleep ..she "blows a kiss of to heaven"she said that she has been doing it for so long now it has become a habbit ..she is a foster mother and has been tucking kids into bed fro over 50 years ..so kissing her lost babies seems natural to her ..he is just beautiful ..She said that when she lost her babies she would wait for that babies due date to pass before trying again ..this made sence to me ,so for the moment this is the plan I am going to try
wow that was long winded !!!

I cant believe the kind word everybody has had for me

Again ...give your tummys a rub for me !!!

Frances

frances, your MIL sounds wonderful. i think men feel differently about these things because its not their baby yet (if that makes sense) this baby is inside you and everyday you know its there, it makes you pee alot it makes you feel sick it makes you like and dislike certain foods, you have to give up eating some of your fav foods (mine is blue cheese) you cant drink and when that baby is not inside us anymore and not in our arms either we feel like an empty pit, i guess men dont feel the way we do about it because they dont experience what its like to grow a child so dont know what its like to loose one this early on if that makes sense.
Hi All

Frances, I know exactly how you feel. When I miscarried in February at 9 weeks with my first baby my world collapsed. The first thing the ER Dr said was "at least you know you can get pregnant" I couldn't believe that this so called Dr could be so cold and calculating when we had just lost our baby - and to us she was a baby not a "non-viable pregnancy"

After lots of tears from my DH and I, we slowly pieced our life back together, realising that September 25th (due date) would never hold the same in our hearts as it once promised to.

Anyway, sorry for the waffle, and getting back to when we knew to try again. I was terrified to conceive again. I was worried that I'd do something wrong, and we both didn't want to think about going through the MC pain again. I guess we just knew that we wanted a baby, we wanted to share our lives as a family, and the joy of being able to have a child outweighed the emotional "what if's". Luckily, we fell straight away - having waited 2 months, and I am now 13 weeks exactly.

It is a purely personal decision. No one can really offer solutions - simply share their stories. I constantly worry and I know that is not great for bubs or I, but that is my coping mechanism.

Hope that is of some help to you.

Jodie
(EDD 16/01/08)

mummy to DD A & DS L + 1 angel baby

Thanks Jodi

Congratulations on your bubby ...are you getting any morning sickness

I just worrie that I hated being pregnant when everything is going well ..My first pregnancy was a text book pregnancy no morning sickness and I never got any fluid retention ..My hubby's best friends ride in rodes and i was opening the box for the cattle a week after I was due (Luke was 15 days overdue)..but I jsut diddnt enjoy being pregnant

now I am concerned that all these feelings are going to be intensified ??? I am worried now and I am not even pregnant ..imagine how I am going to feel when I am actually pregnant ??

Wish my head would be quiet for 5 min ...ha ha
[Edited on 07/10/2007]
Hi Lukes mum,

I dont enjoy being preggers at all!! The whole way though my pregnancy with Olie I had to keep reminding myself that it was a means to an end, and we would have a wonderful little bub at the end. This time around, I've pretty much just plodded along, not thinking too far ahead, one baby step in front of the other. I wouldn't say that the feelings have intensified, they are the same, I just can't wait to have my body back to myself and have my little girl here! Yeah, you will probably worry, but as long as you do everything in your power to make sure you keep bubs and you safe, thats all you can ask of yourself. There should be a "Can you please babysit my uterus for 40 weeks" club... I'll pay to be a member of that club!

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