I knew straight away, even the night Olivia died, that I wanted to have more children. Olivia was our first pregnancy, and it was planned. We were both at a stage where we wanted to have kids and become a family. Those feelings didn't change because she died, if that makes sence. I suppose for me, I had a certain period of time where it was advised that I shouldn't get pregnant, carrying to full term and having an emergency c section. So I knew there was a period of time where I shouldn't get preggers. Once we were at the end of that time, I still had a very strong urge to be pregnant.
I personally don't think waiting any longer would change the level of fear that I have, that history will repeat, or that something completely different will go wrong. There is only so many things we can control. We can take vitamins, be healthy, eat the right foods, do the right exercise, and give our bubs every possible chance to survive. There is also an element of the process that is beyond our control. I think once we accept that, then we are in the best position we can be in to go through another pregnancy. We can do everything right. Perfect in every single way, and mother nature can still strike.
I don't think the fear ever goes away. I still think today, "crap, what if it happens again", no one can say it wont, but we have to assume that everything will be fine.
I felt a strange sence of calm for the first half of the pregnancy, I knew that if something went wrong, then there was nothing that I could possibly do to stop it. If I had a m/c or went into early labour before say around 20-22 weeks, I knew that there was nothing I could do to change anything. (aside from the obvious in going to hospital if I had any problems) Since then, on the other hand... If I feel something is wrong, I know at this stage (34 weeks) that I can get myself to the hospital, and I know that there are medical inteventions they can do to help bubs in the event that something goes wrong. So I've found the 2nd half i've been more anxious. Once I was past 24 weeks, I started doing kick counts every day, and I have a pattern now of how active DD is. So in my mind, I'm doing something to actively help DD if she does get into trouble. If something does go wrong, I can say in all honnesty that I've done everything I possibly can to help her survive. Does that make sence.. probably as clear as mud!
I have had moments where I hate being pregnant and just wish it was all over, like this week, and other times where I love laying down, and putting my hand on my belly, and feeling her kick away.
You need to take your time, assuming you don't have any other medical issues which means you have less time, 5 weeks isn't a long time, so being unsure at this stage would be completely natural. You are the one that has to deal with it all, with the help of your DH or DP of course. You both have to make a decision about whats right for you guys. Take your time and don't let anyone tell you what you should do. Listen to peoples advise sure, but you need to take what you need from it.
When ever I get too scared, I close my eyes and try and picture what it WILL (not might) be like to have DD laying on my chest for the first time looking up at me and making eye contact... thinking about how warm her skin will be, and how her breath will feel on my skin. Who couldn't enjoy a feeling like that.
Don't under estimate yourself. You never know how strong a woman is, until you put her in hot water!