Great idea on starting a new thread!!
Its true that so many people come out of the wood work with personal expericnes after the "topic" is raised.
We talk very openly about Olivia, and to our friends and family, not that they dont know already, we are very open about this being our second pregnancy. We were out somewhere, buying something babyish the other day, and the shop assistant asked DH if this was our first, he automatically replied yes, just so we didnt' have to go through the story again! Neither of use feel like we are betraying her by doing this, its just easier to keep some stuff to ourselves. With the people that matter, Olie is just a big a part of our family now than if she was still here.
I totally agree with the feeling of being robbed, and even now being preggers again, the loss of the ignorant bliss we can have being preggers for the first time. I wish I could have that back, even just for a day.
I get a bit ticked off when someone says that "any Mother" would be able to relate to the fear of loosing a baby. Any mother can fear loosing a baby, but its a whole different gut renching feeling of dread and dispare when you have been through it.
Wow i just read your story and it touched me, you and your husband must be very strong people, to be able to share this and be open with people, it would be such a hard thing to go through.
I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks, and it devastated us, It had the hugest affect on our marriage and we struggled like we never struggled before. I am now pregnant again, but i am living in fear that something will go wrong, i feel like i have been robbed of the joy of experiencing my pregnancy, without worrying. I have an almost 4 year old daughter and when i was pregnant with her, never had any idea or bad though about miscarrying. I read somewhere that after 1 miscarriage/loss etc that it makes it impossible to be able to relax to enjoy any pregnancy you may have again.
I personally dont think its spoken about as much as it should be, i have struggles mainly because i havent really got any friends and apart from my hubby who was grieving in his own way, had no one else to talk to or relate to. I am so glad H*ggies have put this topic up as so many of us have been here and its a good support for people who have, and need someone to talk to.
I'm so sorry about your mc. It would be really hard not having a group of people to vent and share your feelings with. Have you had any contact with Sids and Kids? A lot of people don't realise, but Sids and Kids covers a lot of areas. They have m/c support groups, right up through every stage of pregnancy and stillbirth, neonatal death, and even any death of a child under the age of 6 years old. We went to a seminar a few weeks ago on stillbirth and neonatal death, and one of the works said they had even spoken to some parents who have lost a child in their teenage years. I don't think they would ever turn someone away, regardless of how far along we are. They might be able to help you out? They have a great web page, and a forum as well. I've received heaps of support from them. We have a local meeting once a month that we go to, and all the people there are so very supportive. I think i'd be very very lost without them.
Did the Dr's have any idea why you had your m/c? You are at 11 weeks now (by your ticker! LOL) Are you starting to feel a little less pressure? I think once I know that this bubs heart is normal, and we get past 14/15 days old, then I think I'll feel a lot better. Well I hope I do anyway..
Thanks for the details, i didnt know sids and kids are for miscarriages as well.
The drs didnt look into it as i had a healthy pregnancy before with my daughter.
I am actually stressing more, hoping that i will make it to 12 weeks since i have come this far i am worried it will all be for nothing iykwim! Every little ache and pain i get i constantly worry about. Once i pass 12 weeks i will feel more relaxed. I am having a scan on 16th july, so once i see bubs has a heartbeat will be very reassuring. I already had a scan at 6w5d and saw bubs heartbeat. I have heard once you see a heartbeat on an ultrasound your chances of miscarriage reduce. I am hoping thats true!
Yes it would be so hard for you having to wait until bubs is born to see if her heart is normal, i hope in time we can both relax and use our experiences to help others
I've always said to people, we worry about our babies and pregnancies before we even have them! The second we think in our heads that we are going to try for a bub, we start thinking and planning, our dreams begin to form for the little baby that we want to have. So I can seen plain as day, why you would be starting to stress already!
Good Luck with trying to fall preggers, I hope you get your BFP soon!
Bec and mummy to cuties - sorry to hear of your losses.
Linkage I think our paths have crossed ona different forum where my username is jack + flynns mum. I think its great to have a spot here for us mums of angels so that people can chose not to read here unless they want to.
I went to my antenatal check last year at 38.5 weeks. I remember thinking Bub had been quiet all morning but didnt think much of it because they tend to slow movements at the end. For some reason my hubby came with me which he'd only done once or twice. I think it was fates way of making sure I wasnt alone when I found out Id lost my boy. Midwife just couldnt find a heartbeat and ultrasound confirmed our worse fears. Its all really foogy in my memory.I remember being sent home for the night I decided to have C section because didnt think I would be strong enough to labour ( emotionally) so I had Thomas the next day.
We refused an autopsy which I now regret (I Think).There where no obvious causes and his 20 week anatomy ultrasound was unremarkable.I had heaps of tests diabetes, lupus etc but we never found a reason.
5 months later I found myself pregnant unplanned.It was the longest 37 weeks of my life and I think emotionally it was very draining for me and DH but we made it.Though I was so paranoid and also counting movements etc.Had heaps of extra monitering but nothing reassured me until I held DS in my arms. We are still grieving for our baby boy but now our world has started to shine again with the arrival of DS 3 and of course DS 1 helped to keep us focussed throughout.
So to all the other Mums to angels I wish you well and am always hear if you need a chat
I always check out huggies, aba, and the sids and kids forums. They are all great and there is such a wide scope of people who visit them! Much easier for me to remember my details if I keep them the same! haha.
It is good that your DH was with you when you got your dreadful news! No one wants to hear something like that, but I think it would be even harder to deal with hearing it alone! I went to a kids and sids seminar not that long ago on stillbirth and neonatal death. They were talking about autopsy's and how not a great deal of people will have them. Did they give you the option of having just the placenta looked at? They were talking about how the placenta is like a diary of a pregnancy and can show a great deal of things. The pathologists and doctors prefer to have both the bub and the placenta so they can get a full picture.
Some do have all the tests done possible, but still get no answer! That would be so hard to deal with.
32 Sleeps till I can hold this DD in my arms... I'm counting down in a big way!
Another sleep down 31 to go!!do you know the sex of your bub?
I didnt realise there was a Sids and Kids forum??
I find some comfort in sharing with people who have had the same experience. Besides my DH (at times) and MIL there is no one else who feels comfortable talking about it.Once you have another baby I think people just assume that everythings ok because you have a baby now. Like the grief and pain just stops NOT.
I had my placenta sent to Melbourne and they werent able to conclude anything from it.So they basically call it a Sids death in utero, I think because they cant find any other reason.
The forum you went to would have been interesting but very confronting for you??
I've been meaning to give you a call and chat, but just haven't had 2 mins to myself lately.
Talk soon ok. By the way, I had that pic of us with the glasses on in Melbourne enlarged and framed and hanging proudly on my wall lol.
Mum to Luke & my angel ~Rhiarna~ (twins 3 yrs) and chubba bubba Ryan 4 months...
Luke & ~Rhiarna~ 13.05.04 & Ryan 26.03.07
18 Sleeps and counting... (have a c section at 39 weeks) We found out at the 20 week scan we are having another girl. So its been good to spend the last 18 or so weeks, getting used to the idea of another little girl! The Sids and Kids Forum is only quite new, and there is a great bunch of people on it. I guess its just like this section of the Huggies forum without all the other pregnancy/birth/baby/children related stuff. And some staff form Sids and Kids are on there too helping out with the "right" things to say.
The seminar thing we went to was very good. There were heaps of people there, more than I thought would be there. Everyone else was in the Stillbirth group, and there was just us and our friends from our sids group that were neonatal deaths. I think everyone else was more confronted by us being there, because we were both very obviously pregnant. Some people had quite a hard time with it. I think the level of research data they had access to was quite good. There really are some things that need to be done about Stillbirth. The rate of sids has decreased heaps, but the stillbirth rate is still the same. I think its great now that Sids and Kids have branched out their charter to cover the death of any child under the age of 6.
It must have been very frustrating for you not to be able to get some more information about what happened to your DS.
It is very true that there are friends and family out there who you can talk quite openly about stuff with, and then others that don't want to know.
I'm not quite sure what to expect on how everyone will be after Charlee is born. I don't feel like it will change anything in terms of how we both feel about Olivia. I'll keep you posted on that one! I don't think my family will be like that, but I sence that some friends my have that attitude/belief. Your right though... as if grief is just going to stop!