MIS CARRIED AT 13 WEEKS

Hi Guys,

Well what a shetfull week, I went up to the hospital on Sunday to get checked out cause I was having slight bleeding, nothing major, they then sent me to a doctor who then sent me back to the hospital to have a scan done, after waiting for three hours at the hospital I finally got in at ten minutes past one, they then proceeded to tell me they couldn't do anything today cause there scanning department had closed at one. Fully annoyed I went home bawled my eyes out over the phone to my husband ( he is away working ) So i had to wait till the morning,,,,,,

Finally saw my GP who sent me for a scan straight away and found out that there was no longer a baby, and I thought I was in the clear being 13 weeks pregnant. It was awful, I cried and cried and cried, then for the next two days I was good, had to have a curret done and got totally plastered last night. Now I am a mess again, I hate this. I thank god that I have a little girl Lilly who cuddles me all the time, cause without her I would be more of a mess. I know that if I only ever have Lilly I am still luckier than most, but I can't help but feel miserable.

So now what ????? when is it safe to try again, one doctor says after three months the other says after I have a period again. I'm confused and upset and because everyone knew I have a million people ringing and I don't want or have spoken to any of them.

I just had to get that off my chest and was hoping someone could fill me in with what to do next.

Thanks,
Kim

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your beautiful bub, it is a terrible feeling and you need to take the time to grieve before you try again. But in saying that I was told by a Dr to try as soon as the bleeding stopped but have also been told to wait 6 wks.
You will know when the time is right to try again but I find that sadly it doesn't have the same excitement this time around more of a fear of what could happen.
Am thinking of you and my advice is to cry all you need and put yourself first.
Feel free to chat at any time
Jess

Hi Jess,

It's wierd cause yesterday I was so fine about it all, I was saying to my mother that i was thinking about holding off on trying cause there was no rush and ever since my daughter was born it has always been hectic, she was born then Dan proposed and we got married and then straight away I fell pregnant so there was no time for a breather, and Lilly is at an age were she loves going to her Granmothers place so I'm comfortable leaving her there if I need to go and do something. But this morning I woke up and felt sad all over again, it doesn't help that Dan has to work away, he rings up upset and misses us and I sit in a house all day and night with just Lilly. I just want to feel the way I did yesterday. And I want to be pregnant again !!! And your right now when I do fall pregnant I will be overly paranoid about losing again. Anyway better run, talk soon

Kim

My DH was really cut up about our MC and even considered giving up ttc again. I was devastated at that thought. We lost ours in Oct 06 and fell again in Jan 07.
Took me a month to physically get over MC tho.
Go with how you feel emotionally and physically. I have read that if you go back for another really quickly your chances of MC again are higher.
There is hope for you to deliver another beautiful bundle safely, but allow yourself to grieve your loss and don't let anyone else tell you when you should be done grieving...
All the best. X

Hi Faith,

Thanks for that, my husband cried just as much as I did, which shocked me alot. He was devestated and then he had to go back out of town for work that night after I had the curret which killed him, he didn't want to but I made him go. We can't afford to miss out on work.

It's such a crappy thing, and for one in five women to miscarry is even worse. I'm just scared that I am going to miscarry again and again. And I'm mad that there's not much that I can do about it.

Anyway, thanks again,
Kim

hey Kim ..I also misscariied at 13 weeks ..that was 5 weeks ago now and you just have to take 5min at a time ...dont worrie about tomorow ..just think 5 min ahead ...I felt fine for two days after mu M/C and then it hit me ..and I fell in a heap ..My son was wonderful thought the whole ordeal and I dont think I could have gotten by with out having to get out of bed for his sake ...

Take a few days to look after yourself ..people said that to me and I thought ..yeah right ..they obviously dont have a 12 month old ....But seriously they were right ..you need to just have some time to let this sink in and just nurture yourself for a bit ..might take an arfternoon on your own ..might take a week ..dont give youreslf a time limit to feel better by

My doc said wait six weeks to start to try again ...We havnt decided yet to start tryin gor not ..one day it is a yeas ..next day I fall in a heap and it is a definate no ...

Just have to say ..Jess helped me tremendously through my bad time with a email a day ...thank you from teh bottom of my heart jess ..your one in a million

Hey Kim,
Just reading through the posts and I know how hard it feels right now, all the anger and heartbreak but like we've all said take it one day at a time, I know you can't believe it now but it does get a little easier, not that you will ever forget your baby and the one thing I found hard was people telling me it was meant to be and to try again, it's not as easy as everyone thinks.
Don't feel pressured into moving on if you aren't ready like I did for a little while, and I still have some really bad days but I am getting there.

Thank you so much for your message Frances, I started to tear up when I read it, it's great to know that I was able to help someone, when it happened to me I felt I had no one until I discovered this site and the amazing ladies on here really have been a life saver to me.

Hi Luke's mum,

Thanks for that, I hope that your feeling better. I'm glad I'm not the only one that was fine and then went down hill. Today's the first day that I'v realised what happened. Yesterday I was so good. I was even thinking about holding off falling pregnant until the end of the year, I was actually excited about having a drink again, and then this morning I woke up miserable !! I don't want to be able to drink and have a normal shaped body I want to be pregnant !! I used to winge about my body when I was pregnant, and winge about not being able to have a bottle of wine and winge about not being able to eat fetta cheese, now I am ashamed to think that I winged about something as petty as that !!!

Anyway enough rambling on for me, thanks again and talk soon
Kim

Hey Jess,

you right and I will take it a day at a time, I will ttc when I'm ready. It's so hard with Dan working away, I just got off the phone to him and he is so miserable, which makes me feel more miserable that he's forced to go out there to support his family. I just wish I had him here every night. But I just have to keep telling myself that I am lucky to have such a beautiful healthy girl. I'm already luckier than most people. Thanks again Jess

Talk soon
Kim

Hi Kim,
Cheer up lovely - bubs will come along when he/she is ready.
I m/c at 15+ weeks - very painful. It took me a good 2 years to get over it. We are now finally ready to try for #2 (well have been for 5 months). My bestfriend just m/c at 11weeks not long ago, its just horrible.
You'll have days of endless tears but then other days will be better. One thing that I would loved to have thought/known back then was that its not your fault and everything happens for a reason. Of course I now know that but I hope you know that too. I know that bubs just wasn't ready to come into the world and I am at peace with that too.
It may help you to name bubs and maybe get a brooch or something with their name and DOB. We did that and it helped me so very much. I have a locket with her ashes it in and her brooch, the pregnancy test and heaps of other stuff in a beautiful box my friend gave me.
I didn't talk to anyone other than by text for ages. I just told them I didn't want to talk about it and they accepted that.
Anyways, as for the next step - take your time. When you feel its the right time to try again, try. Don't push or pressure yourself. I think there are a few different ideas on "when its safe to try again" - some say 3 months others say once period comes....I just think when you feel your ready for it.
Well lovely chin-up - there are good things to follow for you , hubby and lilly.
Bree

Kim, sorry to hear of your loss, it's hard. I lost my first at 9wks and my 3rd at 12wks.

As the first preg was a big surprise, we waited a couple of years (2) before trying again - ending up with our DD. After the 2nd miscarriage, (3rd pregnancy) we were told to wait 3 full cycles after the D&C. Weeeellllll, no cycles came (insert red face), and 9 mths later a healthy baby boy. OOps, but wouldn't change it.

So I guess what I'm saying is, if you feel the time is right, you do what you wish.

Goodluck!

Tanya

Hi Kim, well in reading the original post as of what to do next........NOTHING!!!!!
YOu do exactly what it is you want to do.. My story, (long version cut short) I am now pregnant with baby no6. This is my 14th pregnancy and I have lost 8 babies thru m/c some have been the ealrier stages, 2 have been at 12 weeks, in which i hada D&C done. I have never waited for a period and have never been advised to , except by a female gp who said it is better for dating if you have aperiod first...
I had lost 4 babies in a row and i can tell you the last one absolutely did my head in, iwas a mess, I never bled and my stomach was still fgrowing as the placenta was still nce and healthy, but the baby was just doing nothing, floating, on the scan it just looked like any formed 12 week old baby , i had no bleeding no pain, nothing, i was inconsolable, also had my 9yoDD with me to celebrate the moment with me (didn't she get a fright).ANYway had the D&C and was dertermined that i wasnrt going to let it happen again so i asked to have my tubes ties at the same time. I got into theatre and was speaking to my OB (who for the first time i had gone privately, thinking he could keep my baby alive)and chickened out of the procedure, everything was waiting for me to be done, all the tools etc.and i backed out at the very last second!! I had no bleeding for 6 weeks after the op , then i had the most horrendous period for a week, the first 3 days i could not leave the house i was using tampons and pads and still had to change every 15 mins, it was painful and clots wer coming out, but i tell you, i have never felt so clean and fresh after it was all over... There is not reason medically why i m/c and they say that statistically i am just one of the unlucky ones!! doesn't really help much..
Now emotionally: there is no way to act, to prepare yourself for each minute of the day, to stop the feelings you are feeling, it is lioke a rollercoater and will be so for some time, i went thru sadness anger and i thought i had started on the guilt but was told by the OB on checkup that no i was still very angry and there were emotions that go in a line, he said sad, anger guilt then start to come thru, i didin't get past angrt, and boy was i angry!!! besides still crying at everything, i did not and could not speak to people who wanted to see me, in the end i was just honest and told them when they rang or wanted to visit that i just could not do it, i feel like death and i don't want to see anybody and i can't stop crying, they understood but were sad for me. The anger, boy, i was angry with drug addicts, smokers, people driving down the road with baby seats in their cars, i could not even walk into a shop which sold any kind of baby clothing or accessory, I even walked into a shop, (i thought gettingout of the house on my own for an hour or so may help)and just completely broke down, thankfully they understood, it was a crystal shop and sat me down and we had a chat. i was a bloody mess. and i make no apologies for it, as it was my way of grieving, i had started to look into councilling for myself, i knew iwasn't getting any better and i hated that feeling, especially having other kids at home to look after, when i really didn't feel like doing that either, when i found out i was pregnant again! that is what got me thru, i had that massive blood loss and was pregnant the month after, so then there came the whole lot of other issues that come with that, worrying about everything,making sure you have a gurad up until 20 weeks or so before you even look at baby sections, etc, that pregnancy was the longest , time of my life i think, My DD is now just turned 9 months old. When i got her home from the hospital, i was waiting for another period, and it didn't come so i am now 29 -30 weeks regnant (i forget!) with bub no 6!!!.... so things work out in the end.......eventually. But my advise is to go with every emotion that comes your way, you may sob for hours, then laugh about why you have done so, you may clean evrything down, i did that, i just felt so dirty and guilty for some reason i had to have eveything scrubbed, It is not a day by day thing at this stage, it is to get thru 5 mins at a time, even 1 minute if you have to(as Lukes mum has said). I know i was adamant i wasnt going to let myself go thru this kind of emotional pain again so i said no more kids, and somehow i fell pregnant. I suggest you do nothing about birth control at this stage and see how you go you are going thru turmoil at the moment so thats when i think you should do nothing, when you have a bit of clarity in the next few months you will be able to make a clearer decision.
Oh and try as best you can to ignore the comments Well at least you have other children, some people aren't that lucky, and It was for the best" i lashed out a few times at those comments, because of course you are not that nieve to KNOW that, but you need time to let it all sink in, and a few months later you will be like, well of course thats true, but your heart is just not int he place to deal wiith those comments right now, i loved each and every one of the kids i have lost, and yes i still had other kids at home that i loved and was lucky yto have them, but these kids wer individuals and deserved my love also, and to lose them was devasting... i know you will know what i mean, even if it takes a few weeks.. Anyway, that was my story, well one of them!and you will have your own journey to go on thru this , but letting you know i am thinking of you at this time and that is how i got thru....just barely! will keep cjheckingin and seeing how you are doing, I don't usually come on these threads as now that i am pregnant i think anything i do will curse me iby looking at these sites or thinking about them, which is totally my issue, but your story just hit a nerve.... there is no time limit on grief!!! big hugs xoxox