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  5. There are no words to make it all better

There are no words to make it all better Lock Rss

I miscarried my first pregnancy (twins) at 11 weeks. I thought I was so close to the safe zone of 12 weeks that we could start telling people. I miscarried a few days after we told our families.

People try to make you feel better by saying things like "it wasn't meant to be" or "you can try again". These were some of the worst things to hear. I know they were trying to do the right thing but it doesn't help at all. They made me feel like the babies didn't matter, but by this stage, we had picked names etc so they were very real for me.

I have since had a beautiful little girl and and currently 32 weeks pregnant. I will never forget my 'first babies' though and still cry when I think about it - this happened about 3 years ago. Time helps but it still hurts. Not even my DH understands but I think its different for the men.

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Hi Mshell,
What a great new forum. I M/C in April at 8 weeks, it was my third baby and I am very much the same as you, I don't think I will ever fully get over losing my baby and the words don't really help even though I know people are trying to help.
I am TTC again but I still blame myself everyday for what happened even though I know I didn't do anything different to my other pregancies but I feel as if it is my fault somehow.
I wish you all the best with your new bub.
Jess
Hey Mshell ...know all about that safety zone ...I had jsut told everybody and then ring them the very next night to tell tehm the bad news ..

I think it would be better for people to say "I am so sorry ,,I dont know what to say " than to say horrible things like "must have been a reason"...I would ahve wanted my baby weather he was sick or not ..i jsut wanted my baby full stop...

I am so happy that youare now pregnat and have other children ..I can now see that there is light at the end of the tunnel and you can move on but still remember your little one that diddnt make it

Thanks for sharing

Frances
There are no words to make you feel better. most people really did not know what to say. I remember when i had my first miscarriage the following day my mum was having a house warming party and one family friend who I have known for years said when are you having kids hurry up whats are you waiting for blah blah blah!!!!. I had only had my d & C the previous day. It was so hard to hear that. I know that people dont intend to say hurtful things and im sure if he had known the circumstance he would never of said that but it does show you have to be so careful with what we say to people as you just never know their situation.

We decided not to tell anyone before 12 weeks with our first pregnancy and that ended at 10 weeks. With my second pregnancy I had my 30th when I was 6 weeks and told everyone and my son is now nearly 10 months old. Its hard to know what the right thing to do is. i always need to tell my immediate family because as soon as they see me not having a glass of wine they always just assume im pregnant anyway!!!! I recently had another miscarraige at 5 weeks and had told my immediate family and my best friend then when I had to tell them I had lost the baby I was feeling bad because I dont wont people to feel sorry for me when I understand everyone has their own issues to deal with, does that sound wierd?

Anyway enough rambling from me

Take care and chins up

Kerrie

proud mummy of beautiful smiley baby boy and delic

It is so hard for people who have never had a miscarriage to understand the pain and greiving required to survive.
I had a miscarriage on May 21st 2006 - i will remember that date forever as it was our first wedding anniversary. I am one of the lucky ones who already have two gorgeous daughters, however i was so excited for our family to be growing. My MIL was terminally ill and i knew this would be the light that her and the rest of our family needed in such a dark time. We had told our families but no friends at that stage - so at least there were not too many phone calls, but still so many comments that actually made me angry rather than comforted. Similar to Kiesha i had my D&C two days before our best friends wedding and it was a real effort to be there - but the worst thing was being on a table of young families and pregnant ladies all asking when we were going to try again - I didnt really feel comfortable explaining the situation so therefore just had to put up with all night.
I am lucky enough to now be pregnant again i am 32 weeks but still spend every day worrying that something may go wrong. It is great to have this section - so that everyone who knows how it feels knows that no words will help and that it is one of thoses things that time has to heal.
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