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  5. Is there/do you know if there is a 'right time' to move on?

Is there/do you know if there is a 'right time' to move on? Lock Rss

I delivered my first child a little over 4 years ago. She was 22 weeks and did not survive. Since then I have had three miscarriages. However i have also given birth to two other beautiful girls.

My question to those who have suffered loss in the past, have you felt it was time to move on? When I say move on, I don't mean forget completely (as if you could), but to try and change your mindset and move forward more. I have three crystal angels that hang in my window as a tribute to my babies I lost to miscarriage, and a willow statue and a box of things in my room for the Alexandra. But lately I feel like it's time to put these things away. I feel really guilty for feeling like this, but for some reason, I feel like it's time.

I gave birth to my DD2 9 weeks ago, and while I would have liked to have had another child, I have accepted that my family is now complete. I feel like I need to focus more on the children I have and to not look back as much. I feel like i have been focussing on the breeding phase of my families life, which has been an emotional rollercoaster, and now I need to just enjoy raising my beautiful girls.

Has anybody decided that the time is right to move forward? Did you do anything to signify this event?

Oh Hun I don't know the answer as I can't imagine ever having to go through what you have. I just wanted to say that ANYTHING you feel would be more than normal. Putting away the angels doesn't mean you've forgotten about them. I feel like its a positive thing that you are ready to take that step. If you feel like you don't quite want to put them away someplace that they can't be seen maybe they could be moved to a spot that is in an area that you don't frequent as much so it's not such a constant reminder. Don't ever feel guilty for how you feel, it just shows that you are now healing which is fantastic.

I'm glad you feel that your family is complete. No one deserves to go through the agony that you have and I'm so glad that you were finally given two beautiful babies to hold and to keep. Xx

Firstly it is so sad that you have had to endure such losses, GBH to you.

If you feel that it is time to put your things away then follow your gut and do it. You can always put them back if you feel that you are not ready. smile

It is such a hard thing to go through and it is so different for each person. I had a late miscarriage 12 years ago that resulted in me having to give birth and then cremating and burying my precious baby. I thought that life would never be the same again.... and I was right in a way because what i thought was important before that time was no so important anymore and I am a different person for the tragedy. But I don't see it as a bad thing because I like who I am.
Your babies will always be with you in spirit and memories and I have found now that my baby has been made a part of my family by my children even though they were not born when it happened. I told one of my girls what happened and she told my other one and now they talk about their baby brother -I don't know the sex but they say it was a boy- and how much they love him. Last year they out of the blue started asking lots of questions one day on the way home from school so I got out a special memory box that I have and the babies birthday was two days away -I had never celebrated or acknowledged it because it was too hard for me. I was amazed at how connected they seem to be. So I have promised the girls that we will do something each year on that date to remember him.

So even if you put things away it does not mean that the bond will be broken, it will be there forever smile
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I Gave birth to my first baby at 15 weeks last year. one year on from her birth we decided to sprinkle her ashes. DP wanted to keep her ashes box. I had moved on from needing thing to remember her but he still needed it.
I no longer need the things as I have moved past that point. But just because I don't have these things means I care any less. I still love our little girl and think of her often. Everyone is different so just do what feels right for you.

Rosie Mumma wrote:
Hi Clax, so sorry for your losses hun. I lost my girl at 20 weeks 6 months ago. I also have a MC angel I lost at 9 weeks. I'm not really sure what you mean by move on? My goal is to be able to function without being on the verge of tears, to be able to think about my girl without breaking down and to be able to remember her without losing my mind smile
I have a photo of her name in the sand and her footprints framed on our wall but I won't ever remove them, I hope that for me, moving forward is just feeling more accepting of the way my cards have been dealt.

You can only do what feels right for you and if you feel the time is right to put things away you should do that. I wish you peace Mama xxx

I probably didn't articulate that very well. I think I have moved beyond the overbearing grief that I felt for the first year or so of my first childs death. I still think about her and the other babies I lost everyday, but I can now do that without bursting into tears. Sometimes i wonder if by looking back too much I am stopping myself moving forward and focussing on the family I have.

A friend of mine told me that in her culture miscarriages are souls (soulmates) looking for you that aren't quite strong enough yet to survive in the world. She believes that my first babies' soul rejoined me in the form of my DD1 and my subsequent miscarriages were the same soul trying to join me and my family. Now that my beautiful baby has been born that soul has found me in my DD2. I take great solice in this sentiment and it has lessened by grief a lot. It probably sounds strange to most people, but she really believes it with all her heart, and I find the thought very comforting. It somehow makes the losses more bearable, more rational.

i wonder if now that soul has found me it is time to put the past behind me and move forward. I will always acknowledge the loss and grief that my DH and i have endured, but now it's time for us to enjoy the next phase of our lives as a family.

Thanks for you input ladies, I will talk to my DH tonight about how we are going to go about it.

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