I am nearly 39 years old and have been with my man for over 20 years now. We have always said that if I got pregnant we would be happy & if not that was ok too but we never really 'tried'. I have always been a bit terrified about making the big scary decision to 'try' - instead have plodded through my working career doing ok but not particularly fulfilled either.

I finally got my first holiday break in 2 years since the earthquakes and a traumatic split from my old job last year and headed off to Brisbane for a fun filled theme park holiday on Saturday 20 July. On the Sunday I got my period but by Monday started cramping badly and bleeding profusely too. I still thought it was my period but the pain on Monday night was excrutiating - I couldn't sit, stand or lie comfortably so walked around the apartment for hours going to the bathroom every 15-20mins. I eventually got a few hours sleep and we continued to get on with the holiday that I had been so looking forward too.

On Tuesday evening I was in the toilet again for the 100th time that day when I felt something small pass (not a blood clot) so I looked into the toilet & saw something small & pink but couldn't face reaching in to see what it was but deep down I knew I had miscarried. The next day something that looked the placenta passed also. A doc appt on the Friday in Oz confirmed via urine test I had been pregnant. 2 weeks later I went into hospital for a D & C and they confirmed I had been 6 weeks pregnant and today I have nearly stopped bleeding.

I have never been pregnant before but feel sad & this has shifted something inside of me but now I have to choose and I am terrified to make the choice...how do you make such a big decision....I am truly terrified of saying yes & miscarrying again or even getting pregnant or saying no & regretting it for the rest of my life....I just don't know what to do....