I'm new to posting. My daughter was born at 25 weeks 6 days weighing 950gm as we both had contracted the e.coli infection (I had an emergency cervical stitch put in at 20 weeks and was on hospital bed rest). We were both very sick after her birth. Doctors in the NICU told us she may not make it through her second night but she did. She was still the sickest baby in the NICU.
The next few days she had several brain bleeds which ended up being grade 4 bleeds. Doctors then recommended turning off life support because of her brain bleeds and bad infection. I couldn't even consider this as an option. I asked to see some others doctors for their opinions. They all said the same thing, that there was a very high risk that she would be severely disabled, not walk, talk, swallow etc and not have a quality life and would suffer. After hearing this over and over we decided to turn off life support as we didn't want her to suffer anymore. She was 10 days old. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. We were so grateful that we were able to spend time with her, hold and kiss her and that she didn't die alone in the incubator. We will always cherish those moments.
But now only a few weeks after her passing I just can't get out of my head whether we made the right decision. Sometimes I wish that we didn't turn it off and wonder if the doctors were wrong. Then other times I think she's no longer suffering. I guess I will always wonder and question my decision.
I think it's all part of grieving and I'm finding it really hard at the moment. I just miss her so much. My emotions are all over the place too. I am very lucky to have my gorgeous little boy who is 18 months old. He really keeps me going and my hubby has been a great support too. Both these pregnancies were IVF. Before my son we had 2 early miscarriages then we tried IVF due to some problems.
Has anyone out there been through a similar situation or have any advice? How did you cope? Does it get easier?
Thank you : )