Turning off my daughter's life support

Hi everyone

I'm new to posting. My daughter was born at 25 weeks 6 days weighing 950gm as we both had contracted the e.coli infection (I had an emergency cervical stitch put in at 20 weeks and was on hospital bed rest). We were both very sick after her birth. Doctors in the NICU told us she may not make it through her second night but she did. She was still the sickest baby in the NICU.

The next few days she had several brain bleeds which ended up being grade 4 bleeds. Doctors then recommended turning off life support because of her brain bleeds and bad infection. I couldn't even consider this as an option. I asked to see some others doctors for their opinions. They all said the same thing, that there was a very high risk that she would be severely disabled, not walk, talk, swallow etc and not have a quality life and would suffer. After hearing this over and over we decided to turn off life support as we didn't want her to suffer anymore. She was 10 days old. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. We were so grateful that we were able to spend time with her, hold and kiss her and that she didn't die alone in the incubator. We will always cherish those moments.

But now only a few weeks after her passing I just can't get out of my head whether we made the right decision. Sometimes I wish that we didn't turn it off and wonder if the doctors were wrong. Then other times I think she's no longer suffering. I guess I will always wonder and question my decision.

I think it's all part of grieving and I'm finding it really hard at the moment. I just miss her so much. My emotions are all over the place too. I am very lucky to have my gorgeous little boy who is 18 months old. He really keeps me going and my hubby has been a great support too. Both these pregnancies were IVF. Before my son we had 2 early miscarriages then we tried IVF due to some problems.

Has anyone out there been through a similar situation or have any advice? How did you cope? Does it get easier?

Thank you : )

Hun i am so sorry for your loss, as PP stated you will have alot of support hear at huggies.

I went through a horrible experiance with my DD when she was born. She began to have seizures at a day old and was transferred down to Monash Hospital were it was discovered that she had a brain bleed. My world just colapsed around me it was the most horrifying thing to see my little girl go through this. I spent 4 weeks with her down in NICU.
I know my experiance is no way compared to your's, but if you ever need to talk about certain feeling's just ask.
Big hug's for you and your family

OMG, I am really very very sorry to hear about your loss. I wish I could say something to help ease your pain, but I don't know if there is anything I could say that could make you feel any better.

I had a miscarriage in January at 11 weeks and our baby was conceived on a Clomid cycle. This was our first. At around the 8 week mark they told us, our baby's growth was not inline with my LMP dates. They said it's possible, I got my dates wrong, because they couldnt see a heartbeat. The next three weeks were agonizing for us, as they tried to give us injections to help the growth of the baby. We had some hope after the first week, but after no progress in the next two weeks, they said our baby would not make it. They were going to ask us to let go of our lil' baby, but I started bleeding on my own, and we lost it at 11 weeks. I can't tell you how hard the next few months were for us. I felt soo much pain, it was like my heart physically ached.

I can't even imagine what it must be like for you to carry your baby to 20 weeks, see her and then have to let her go. But one thing I am sure of, is that you did the right thing by her. You knew that the pain was going to be immense for you, but it was more important for you to relieve her of her suffering. That is a selfless deed, and I have no doubt in my mind that you did the right thing. She will definitely be in a happy place now.

I think you need to take your time to grieve her, miss her, and cherish her memories. That's part of the healing process. If you can, why don't you and your husband go away for a little weekend holiday to relax if possible?

If you would like to talk, we are all just a post away, and you can message me anytime. Please don't blame yourself for anything, it was definitely not your fault, and nothing you could do, would change how things turned out.
I hope this gives you some peace and you find it within yourself to slowly let go of the negative feelings of despair, and just focus on all the happiness she gave you when she was around.

A big Hug coming your way from me.. xxxxx

Nawww massive hugs to you and your family, I am also so sorry for your loss!!

What an awful awful thing to go through. It's something I could not comprehend happening. Please be reassured that every grieving process (no matter who the person was or how old) has people questioning their actions and wondering if there was more they could have done. It's perfectly normal.
With medical intervention it's possible that you bought some more time to have with your beautiful baby girl. Once upon a time you may not have even been able to see her alive. Sometimes God just decides its time, and nothing you could have done could have changed the outcome.

I'm sorry if I'm not helping. I havn't been through it and I'm just sharing what goes through my head when I read your story. I hope that time might ease your pain, and in the mean time all the huggies ladies will be here if you ever need to get your feelings out.

xxx

Hi Rosie mumma. Have missed seeing you around. I hope that when you're ready you'll come back again. Xx

your very brave and I am sure that if there was a chance they would have told you , I am so sorry for your loss , take care

So sorry to hear of your loss butterflyab sad I haven't been through the experience of loosing a child, but I do know what grief is like. My heartfelt thoughts and prayers go out to you, and I hope you and your DH are able to work through this time together *hugs*

butterflyab

I am so so sorry for your loss, I cannot imagine how heart wrenching this must be for you and your family.
Whlle I dont have any specific advice I couldn't read your post and not reply, like the other girls to let you know there is plenty of support here as well as ladies who have also been through situations of loss and grief.

Rosie Mumma (hugs) have missed you around here.

What you are going through is a mothers worst nightmare. I just wanted to say how brave you were to make that decision. I am sure you will always wonder "what if" and you will always miss your baby. I hope in time you can come to a place of acceptance and realise you probably did make the best choice for your little girl. I don't know what else to say other than I am sorry you are in this situation and hope with time you can heal.

I am really sorry for your loss.
It would of been such a hard choice to make. You know in you heart that it was the right thing to do. It's great that you got to spend some time with her i your arms you will always remember this.
Just remember you didn't do anything wrong.
I lost a baby at 15 weeks it's the hardest thing I have ever been through. For us knowing that at 15 weeks there was nothing we could do for her alowed me to except things.

It sounds like you need to get some help sorting through everything that you have been through.
Are you getting some cauncelling? It realy help.

On a positive not I am now 28 weeks and it has been very stressfull but also very rewarding.
Sending you heaps of hugs and support.

Hi everyone, thank you so much for your kind words, support and for sharing your own personal stories. You all made me feel a whole lot better. I know over time it will get easier. Today we went to the cemetry to see our DD. Our little angel is at peace now. It really breaks your heart to see how many babies & children have passed away so young. We just didn't realise until we buried our own DD in the children's section of the cemetry. Our DD is surrounded by beautiful little angels.