I just can't win :(

I can't believe this I can't believe I have to go threw this again sad
I had my ultrasound yesterday and I measured 6 weeks but no heart beat I haven't cried so much in such a long time I knew things weren't looking good but tried to hold onto a ounce of hope that maybe just maybe things would be ok.
Then I go to my doctors today and he said that there isn't much hope as what I measured (the sac) should of had a heart beat he wanted to book me in for a d and c straight away but I asked if we could just do bloods to see if my levels are rising.
I had one test today and one again Thursday.
I don't no why I'm kidding myself honestly as much as I wanna believe things could be fine I'm starting to cramp really bad tonight which I don't wanna go threw this again and we were going to get the tissue etc sent to Melbourne for testing.
I don't no what I feel apart from numb like I keep thinking why could I carry 3 bubbas who are healthy and now have 3 losses in a row, Dp and I aren't resting till we get to the bottom of why this is happening its made us like determined to have one last bub but I'm scared we will never be blessed again sad
It looks like there is going to be a bit of a road ahead of us to find done answers, we weren't actively ttc this bub but now we really want another bub so bad.
No need to reply ladies I just needed to get this all off my chest, I'm contemplating seeing a grief councilor do it doesn't eat me up on the inside xxx

Im so sorry sweetheart sad

I dont have much else to say except that I am thinking of you

xo

Oh hun GBH xxx

Thanks ladies it means soo much to me xxx
I still think I'm in shock I can't believe it sad
Dp took the day off today to be with me which has helped my sil and bro and my parents have been so supportive I think I would of crumbled into a ball with out them.
Ahh life can be such a difficult thing to understand sad

my heart just sank reading that i cant believe it i am so sorry

Im sorry for your loss.

I know it is hard but you have 3 beautiful kids try and be positive that you could have them some people cant even have one baby.Not trying to say you arnt allowed to be upset or your feelings arnt valid.Just might make you feel a little better to remember what you've got allready smile. goodluck trying for another smile xxxxxxxxxx big hugs

Thanks sweeties you guys caring means a bundle xxx
Blessed I'm very grateful for my 3 kiddies they are the reason I won't fall into a heap and lock myself away with my misery...
I know what your saying Hun I'm lucky to have them, but the yearn and the ache and gut wrenching pain I feel when I know my baby hasn't made it yet again is torture I just want one more bubs to make our family complete. Thanks for your kind words sweetie xxx

oh no im so sorry sad
look after yourself hun, good idea to see a grief councellor if you need to. XXX thinking of you and sending you strength and healing energy from afar love and light

oh no im so sorry sad
look after yourself hun, good idea to see a grief councellor if you need to. XXX thinking of you and sending you strength and healing energy from afar love and light

Kylz you have such a beautiful way of saying things thanks Hun xoxo

Oh hun, I'm so sorry! Just like pp, my heart truly sunk when I realised what you were going to say. Doesn't matter how many babes you already have, doesn't make it any easier. Sending you big hugs! Xx

Oh hun, I'm so sorry! Just like pp, my heart truly sunk when I realised what you were going to say. Doesn't matter how many babes you already have, doesn't make it any easier. Sending you big hugs! Xx

Thank you gorgeous for your kind words I'm glad you understand my pain sweetie still kind of wishing this is one big dream and I'll wake up and my baby is fine I explained it to my bro it's like carrying something in your tummy you love but you will never ever get to kiss and tell them you love them sad

Sending you GBH!!!! Im so sorry you have to go through this!!! My heart is aching for you!! As PP said, it doesnt matter how many babes you have, Its still a loss!! Take care of yourself & your family..