a crappy day

19 months ago i gave birth to a beautiful angel girl. she was 26 weeks. i have a wonderful supporting family. and yet im so jealous of my SIL as she is pregnant (in labour as we speak) i feel sick even looking at her belly knowing she is going to give birth to a live baby and i, 19 months later havent even looked like getting pregnant. my MIL says things like, oh you will get pregnant now that SIL is or (now 7 months later) youll get pregnant when you hold the baby as if my fertility revolves around SIL.

i know i sound angry and hateful but im not really im just sad. when i had baby Ava everyone was worried that i was going to get pregnant straight away and not deal with the grief. i wasnt able to conceive in the more fertile period and i think now that i would be feeling better if i did have a little one straight away. now i get harrassed by family and friends as to when we are going to have another bub, what am i waiting for im not getting any younger (im 26). its not through lack of trying that we havent conceived. im taking clomid to assist in ovulating. im just over all this TTC stuff and i had a good convo with DH about having a break next cycle but even now thinking about having a break (my idea) i think but what if it was to be my month and i missed out.

oh my head is in such a jumble and i think that AF is going to arrive yet again in the next day or 2.

sorry for ranting.

I am so sorry for your loss. I could not imagine what you are going through or have been through.

We had been TTC for 2.5 years before we were successful. Sometimes you just need a break from TTC as its just full of continuous cycles and what seems like failure. Many people (including me) get pregnant after stopping TTC. I dont mean "trying but not trying" seriously ignoring everything and going back to having fun in your life like it probably was when you and your partner first got together.

Take a break, it sounds like you need it. Also perhaps stick up for yourself if you can. Tell your MIL how you feel and ask her just to give you guys a break, it will happen when it happens.

Best of luck with everything. It will work out eventually. Keep that chin up smile

yep .. just had 3 people anounce thierpregnancys today and im thinking this is soooooooo unfair. Even the FET yesterday has me nervous.