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Sister miscarried today Lock Rss

Im just wanting some advice on what to do. Just so you have an idea of our relationship here goes.

Me and my sister have never seen eye to eye on anything, constantly argueing and generally stressing at eachother. Shes 18, im 20.

When she found out she was pregnant, well my nan kicked her out of the house and she then moved in with me. I wouldnt say i was very excited for my sister to be pregnant I went but I was going to support her no matter what, I was going to look after her baby while she studied.

About 40 minutes ago my mum got a txt saying shes having a threatened miscariage, my mum called to confirm the txt and turned out my sister passed clots and had sis have a miscarriage.

Anyway I am 36 weeks pregnant and I cant hide that I am pregnant and its no secret, I feel really guilty that my belly is so big and my baby is still with me while my sister is going through this loss. Im not sure what to do. I want to be brave for her make sure she know im here for her but im so emotional I dont know if i could control my emotions.

Im going to the hospital now (40 minutes drive) to take her some pads and fresh clothes. Other then that and a hug I dont know what else I can do for her.

Any advice someone has its very much apprieciated .
There's not much you can do besides be there for her and support her... but only if she wants you to be there for her.

Try not to be offended if she goes through a whole range of emotions - anger, jealousy and even feeling that it's not fair that you get to have a baby and she doesn't. She might even outright reject you for a while. If that were to happen she will just need to have some space - and you'll need to keep in mind that it's not actually you that has done anything wrong and it's not you that she dislikes, it's the circumstances which remind her of what really hurts the most.

On the day my dd was born I sent a text to the people that mattered to give the details - and I got one back from an aunt.... I didn't know that she was having an abortion on that day due to her baby having trisomy 18, severely deformed and its organs outside its body. I felt positively awful when she sent this information straight back to me.... she was sitting in the clinic waiting to go in. I felt so damn guilty that I was enjoying my new baby while she was going through that....

I just let her know that I was there if she wanted to chat and then left her alone - and she stayed away from me for nearly 2 years. I knew she would contact me when she was ready. Not that anything at all happened that made us dislike each other, everything is back to normal between us now but I was very aware that my circumstances were painful for her to look at. She has since healed, and talks about how old her baby would be now if it had've been born normal etc and doesn't have a problem with my dd.

It'll obviously take a while for your sister to feel better about things - I hope things arn't too difficult for you and her!

My sister and I were due 2 weeks apart.... my second bub, her first. At 20 weeks she lost her gorgeous little angel, and being 22 weeks, I just couldn't handle it. My Mum and I went to be with her... but the guilt was just enormous... here I was, still pregnant and she was trying the deal with her loss and give birth and I just didn't know what to do. It made things really awkward, I gave her a hug and told her I was sorry, but words just weren't enough. I would've given anything for her to have her princess back, all I could think was my (partner then) and I really didn't NEED our baby, and that it could've been the other way around....

I know it is hard, and I sort of went into shutdown about bub whenever she was around... I couldn't even call her myself to let her know that our bub arrived safely. For both of you, it may be a journey...

Good luck, and let her lead the way in how she wants you to respond to her..
@ chalys + 1
Thank you. Thats really helpful. I sleeped next door lastnight after bringing her home, actually i drove her car home and got my ex to drive her home. I just couldn't handle seeing her cry and spew and all the blood. Really sucks when theres nothing i could do to stop it.

@ Page83
Thank you, she knows im always here for her.

@ Manda8
Thank you, My cousins partner (mel) and my sister were due 7 days apart so i think my sister will be very hurt as she watching mel grow. I hope my sister is healed enough when my baby comes. because i know she will be an awesome aunty

What a terrible situation you are in. I'm so sorry for the loss in your family.

Chances are, if you are 36 weeks pregnant, your sister won't be healed enough by the time your baby arrives. I'm sorry to say. Miscarriage is a very traumatic experience and for me, was the first real loss I'd ever experienced in my life. This may be the same for your sister, it may not. But please don't put any expectation on her to feel or be the way you think she should.

Your sister will feel a whole range of emotions over the coming weeks/months. The best thing I think you can do for here, is not only let her know you are there, but also let her know that you inderstand that she may be feeling angry/resentful towards you and that that is OK and that you understand it. As has been said in earlier posts, she may want to distance herself from you for a while, but I think the big thing is to acknowledge that and let her know you understand it. Ignoring it will only make things between you awkward and make you resent one another, as you don't know what the other is thinking. Especially if you generally get under each other's skin anyway.

Good luck for you arrival and please don't feel guilty about the fact that your baby is fine. Just because your sister has had a miscarriage, does not in any way mean that you don't deserve your baby. Life is cruel sometimes, but make sure you enjoy your precious little one also.
I had a similar experience last year when my sister and I were both pregnant I was over the moon as I'd been trying to get pregnant for 18 months. Unfortunately I miscarried at 10 weeks when my sister was 33 weeks pregnant. It was really really hard to have that loss while someone so close was about to have a baby but of course I coped, My family supported me and I found I dealt with it by crying alone often, I put on a brave face for everyone else. Once her baby was born I was too scared to go and see it as I knew I wouldn' be able to stop crying and I didn't want to do that in front of everyone but when he was three days old I went around there and my sister let me hold him and left me with him and I just sa and held him for an hour with tears just pouring, it was such a sad moment but he was jus perfect and beautiful and it was a healing moment too.

Don't expect your sister to rush around and hold your baby or gush over him/her as it is hard and might take awhil for her to pluck up courage to do so. Just be there for her when she needs you.
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