Huggies Forum

Huggies® Ultimate
Newborn Nappies

Learn More
  1. home
  2. Baby Forum
  3. Pregnancy & Birth
  4. Loss and Sadness
  5. Colleague's loss, should i say anything?

Colleague's loss, should i say anything? Lock Rss


My teamleader's just lost his preterm baby last week sad (their first baby).
The team sent flowers to him and his wife.
He took this week off and might be back to work next week. I want to express my sympathy for him in person but not sure if i should bring it up.

My relationship with him is not great. He's asked me very silly questions when i was pregnant such as "are you pleased about it?" and when i told him i needed to go to my monthly check up he said "i want to you know this is the busiest time for our business so if you don't need to take time off, then don't"
After i came back from my maternity leave, i kept my distance from him and only talk to him if necessary.
I've forgiven him for these silly questions.

After hearing the sad news, I cried. As a parent myself, I am truly heartbroken for him and his wife. As i am typing this, tears are coming down again sad(
But really not sure if I should tell him that.

If you were me, what would you do??
I'm thinking. With my limited expereience with people when dealing with loss is that it's best to not broach the subject yourself. But just be avaliable to listen if your team leader brings it up. I think try not to offer opinions or advice. Just an active listener is what most grieving people need.

As you were saying the team has already recognized his loss by sending flowers. Just give him time to get his own head around it.
I know it's a different scenario, but after I had a miscarriage work was hard for awhile. People were obviously sympathetic, but it made me constantly remember what had happened. But then when people just carried on with daily tasks, it made me think "don't you realise what I am going through"

Short answer is that really you can't say or do "the right thing" because it's a terrible loss. Especially for men, it's a different experience for them. I think you just need to be sensitive but not tip toe around. It is one of those things that will just take time

Follow my blog "Bed Rest for Baby" at

Maybe a card expressing your sympathies.
It sounds like you're not exactly mates, so a card is personal enough wuthout being all soppy and teary etc. At least then he knows how you feel and if he eants to talk he might seek you out.
I personally wouldn't do or say anything unless he brings it up. Your work has sent flowers representing all of your sympathies.

It doesn't sound like you're close at all so I think any other gesture (apart from maybe saying you are sorry for his loss)would seem a bit fake. I know if someone I didn't really like tried to broach such a personal subject with me I wouldn't particularly like it.

Just my opinion!!
It's a hard one.
When we had our late term MC before my DP went back to work he told his boss for eveyone to leave him alone and he would talk to them if he needed to.
He felt like he was there to do a job and was getting lots of suport from friends and family. He just needed to do a job and feel normal again.
If he reaches out to you then be there but remember that it's about what he need not about you.
I think it's great that you want to be there for him but there isn't much you can do.

thanks for your replies, they are all very thoughtful.

I think after reading your suggestions, I decided it'll be better to leave him alone. If he brings it up, i'll be there to listen.

Sign in to follow this topic