How do i get thru ..

I should have been 26weeks now with boy/girl twins due 7th of Feb 2008. I lost my first twin (girl) at 19weeks (7th Sep 07) and my twin (boy) at 21 weeks (27th Sep 07), due to unknown reasons. I never thought my first experience of motherhood, would be to bury my babies. I still can’t believe I have lost both my babies, it took so long to conceive them, yet they were taken away with a blink of an eye. I still blame myself if only I didn’t do this or do that. Each day seems to be getting harder and harder, I don’t know who to turn to anymore. People just except that I should be over it by now. I hate when people say ‘it happened for a reason’, ‘I understand’ and that ‘I’m young and I still have plenty of time’, but when u have been trying for almost 6 years and finally getting pregnant for the first time, the pain of loss is unbearable and unexplainable. Why do such things happen to people that do the right things. I have never smoked, drank or had any bad habits. I guess it’s just the one thing I'm missing in my life that seems perfect to others. I just want my babies back. I hate going out anywhere, when i do i always see twins, and i just think that could have been me and my babies.Its so hard to not see pregnant women, or babies when everywhere u look, they are there. I don’t know what to do or what I really want anymore.I feel so helpless and lost. My heart aches so much, tears are just forever flowing and I just wish time does heal the pain. I just want to be pregnant again to feel them grow, kick and move inside me, I want to have the feeling of holding them in my arms and feel their warmth and love. But feel so scared of something happening. Each day comes and I just want the day to end quickly.I've waited so long to get pregnant, i wanted my babies so so so so so so much.
[Edited on 04/11/2007]

My sister lost her DD this year in june at 39 weeks she was born sleeping.you dont here of it happing much but when it happens to you it happens to alot of familys.We didnt get any answers she was perfect she wishes everyday she should of did this and that, or she bleed or had pain or something so that she could be here and they got to her in time,im so sorry for your lose.my sister hates praying now she feels there isnt a god because why would he take her.she tries to think maybe she was sick thats why she was taken its so hard when you dont have answer.she is also so scared to try again but like you she cant wait untill the days end. i hope you have great family as we are all close and i feel like i lost my own daughter but i lost my niece.we hate looking in the shops seeing all the girls clothes sayin we should be buying them for Tiana.i wish you all the best and a great big hug.
Take care.

Hi. I lost my first daughter in the early stages of labour on 4th feb last year. It was a perfect pregnancy all the way thru and it wasnt until my midwife found no heartbeat during my labour and had a scan to confirm that she had died that morning. I went thru a natural labour knowing that the outcome was a deadbaby. We named her Emma-Rose, she was perfect. She was so impatient to come out that when she was delivered she had the umbilical cord around her neck 3 times very tight. It was the worst feeling to bury your baby. We fell pregnant very shortly after that and had another beautiful daughter, who is a triving 10 months old now. Now we have found out we are pregnant with twins!
I have found it very lonely and people dont understand how you feel unless they have been in the same situation. I find it hard to look at babies that are the same age as Emma-Rose would be and I see alot of her features in my daughter. Some days it does get easier, but it still hurts. I cry for my baby nearly every day, i miss her so much.
I just want you to know that I feel for you and I do understand how you feel, and im so sorry for your loss.
Thinking of you xoxoxoxox

I found out i lost my DS at 17wks, he was 15wks. i went to the docs with a terrible feeling but i got told things were okay, that at 15wks the heartbeat is sometimes hard to find. my DP has a hard time taking bout these things & even friends tell me i should be over it by now. but like you i dont now how to get past something like this. i have a few friends that were due around me and im happy for them but it is so hard to see them. We just talk all the time and have named him, we will acknowledge the day we think he was taken from us, and his memory wont be forgotten.

Thank you all so much for you support, I feel so comforted knowing I have so many people that do really care about me and know how and what I am feeling and going through. I understand exactly how your sister (Bindy31) feels, when there’s no reason or answer as to why it happened. I know how frustrating it is when people say pray to god and have faith and he will bless u with many children and he has a reason. But we never prayed for him to take our babies away from us, so why did he. I’m yet to go to the shops or anywhere for that matter, except to the doctors. I find it so hard passing by the baby shops and stuff on my way. Having a boy / girl twin would have been the most wonderful blessing we would have had, to start our family. Having had my sis in-law have a baby recently and my sister having a baby today, it’s so hard to not have to go to the shops and buy them stuff for the baby. So when I do go, I know it’s going to be so hard to have to buy stuff for them, even though i am so happy for them. I just want to buy all the stuff I saw that I wanted my babies to wear, the toys for them to play with, the pram for them to ride in, and the cot we decided for them to sleep in. But I can’t do any of those things. I am left with nothing. Kylie I am sorry for the loss of your daughter Emma - Rose. I guess there is light at the end of the tunnel. Congratulations, am so happy to hear that you’re pregnant with twins. I wish and pray that your pregnancy is an easy one, and that you’re blessed with two beautiful healthy babies. Will be thinking of you. Please do keep me updated with your pregnancy. I am sorry to hear the loss of your son (flick82). One thing I found that meant allot to us was to name our babies. Which we did, we named our Angel Princess Ayesha and Angel Prince Bilal. They are forever with us everyday and no matter what they are our first babies and no one can change that. I know no-one can tell me how soon to be over it, as they don’t have a clue what we have been through. I guess that’s probably why I haven’t been in contact with my friends since all this has happened, as I know they don’t know what to say and I am not ready to open up. So do take all the time you need, as there is no time limit for our healing. As for support, my family live in the opposite side of town and I’m not close to them. I have my hubby who has been of so much support, that without him I would be totally lost. I am now grateful I have u all to get me through this. Once again, I am so sorry to hear about the losses of your darling angels. My heart goes out to you all. Life’s such a roller coaster you don’t know what’s going to be next. I just wish you all the best and I hope you all are blessed with many beautiful healthy children. May our prays be answered and our dreams come true. I wish you all the best and a great big hug. Thinking of you always. Take Care. Keep in touch. Lots of Love