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dont lose hope- your time will come Lock Rss

Hi there
My second baby is due 9th January 07, this pregnancy has been filled with apprehension and muted joy- my first baby after months of fertility treatment, had to be terminated at 21 weeks due to a condition called agenesis of the corpus callosum- basically the matter which connects the right and left hand side of the brain does not form, which results in a severly handicapped child- whom can die shortly after a full term birth. Come my second pregnancy,(which happened naturally)the stress of waiting for that 20 week scan to check on my baby's physical health was almost unbearable some days, and if wasnt due to the amazing support of my partner i think i would have gone out of my mind with worry. It has been 3 years since my first baby - Grace- and the pain of her loss is still with me, all i wanted to do when i lost her is get pregnant again straight away, to heal my pain- there were days where i couldnt physically cope with the pain in my heart, i would go over the things in her memory box time and time again, crying my eyes out, i was angry and disjointed that i had done all the right things and i was suffering a loss that a mother who drinks, uses drugs etc should be going through- i hated seeing other babies and many a night would drink myself to sleep, all i wanted was my baby and i was would have given anything to have another-
i can see now that it was very much necessary for me to have those 3 years to deal with her loss and move on in many respects, to be able to deal with the second pregnancy in a better frame of mind, yes i was still worried, but i can only imagine how much worse i would have made it for myself had it been sooner- I am now past the 20 weeks and yes in the back of my mind some days i get horror thoughts of things going wrong, but they are few and far between and i have been able to enjoy this pregnancy more than i might have had it been sooner! Basically i am trying to say that i feel grief shouldnt be rushed, and it cant be healed by another baby, everything happens for a reason and it takes time for that to unveil itself and as hard as it is to cope with at the time, there is better days and another healthy wonderful baby awaiting you when you are ready!
[Edited on 04/11/2007]
Hi there, your story is so so sad. I just cannot imagine ever getting over the loss of a baby. I dont think i could. You must be a very strong woman.

Congratulations on your new pregnancy and I really hope everything goes well for you. You definately deserve it.

Take care xxx

I have 3 boys!!!

Hi there.

I only just saw your post so this is a bit of a late reply. We had very similar circumstances with our son Adam and during my pregnancy with Samuel I was filled with stress and anxiety. I had to increase my dose of antidepressants which helped a little but even after we received good news at our 20 week scan it was still very difficult to believe that we were going to be blessed with a healthy baby.

I am glad you have a supportive partner. I don't think that anyone can do or say anything to make you feel less anxious but when you have your baby in your arms you will believe it.

PM me any time if you need to chat.

Louise x

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