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Taking your other children to a hospital birth Lock Rss

Hello mummies, first of all you all rock and I am grateful for all your help with my queries!!

I am 31 weeks pregnant and have arranged for my 2.5 year old to go to my mums when I head off to the hospital to deliver my second, (I plan on staying home as long as possible then once I feel I need to leave - hopefully when contraction are 3 mins apart smile) but in the last few weeks I have felt this desire to have here with me when I am at the hospital

Part of me whats her to be there as I want her to be involved and see the baby and is just some crazy hormones I think, the other part of knows that my mum is going to be really annoyed and agitated if we pick my daughter up for her to meet her sister without bringing her to the hospital too, this is not something I want, I want my daughter to have special time with her sister before everyone else, letting her introduce her to the visitors as they come (she is very excited and VERY proud and protective of her sister that is growing inside me)

So my questions are... Has anyone taken their child to the birth when they are so young? Was it ok or was it hard work? Was it worth it?

Also how do I get the message across to my mum without upsetting her (she can be quite unforgiving and get quite upset and be rude afterwards to you... To make you "pay" for what you did. Also one of her favorite saying is it is just "Hollie being Hollie" because I voice my concerns or wants and don't just submit to what she wants)

Note: can't really give my daughter to anyone else, mother in law is worse and and lives hours away so thats not an option and all the rest of my family work full time jobs.

Thank you in advance and sorry this is such a long story!!
Hospital policy is usually that if a child comes, there needs to be a supervising adult for the child as well as a support person for you. I.e. you can't have your support person be looking after you and looking after the child and you most certainly cannot take the child to the hospital alone with you.

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When i had my 2nd we got special permission to have our daughter at the hosp with us, we had to write a letter to the head clinical nurse. But as Skubala said you do have to have a person who is there just for your child.
we had my mum there to look after dd1. I had prewrapped a number of little presents, like colour pencils, colour in book, stickers etc and every so often to keep her entertained and happy she would open one up. We also had one present from bub for her wrapped up that she got after the birth.
i was not sure if i wanted her in the room when i actually gave birth, so mum knew if i said it was time, she was to take her out and go for a walk or wait in the little waiting room. She would come in and out of the room until about an hour or 2 before the birth and i asked mum to take her out, i decided i didnt want her in there for that.
When dd2 was born hubby and i had a short time alone and then hubby went and told mum she could bring dd1 in. they came in together. dd1 was 3, she hopped up on the bed next to me and stroked bubs arm while i fed her for the first time. she gave her a kiss. ( i didnt have the needle and was having a natural 3rd stage for the placenta, breastfeeding helps with this ) so when i finished feeding, so we could finish 3rd stage in some privacy, i gave $20 to dd1 and mum took her down to the cafeteria/shop to buy a present for bub, she could buy her anything she wanted with the money. By the time they came back, i had showered and dressed. bub and dd1 exchanged presents. With dd3 she was 10 weeks early so not possible to have kids there, with dd4 she was 5 weeks early, but i didnt want any kids there, and with this bub when i go in to labour i wont have the kids there either.
Being at a high risk to have another prem and not having family too close, if we get stuck with having no one to take the kids we will take them to the hospital but the head clinical nurse has to be notified and i will have my 14 year old watch the younger kids in the little waiting room until someone could get there for them. (there is a little waiting room just for labouring women and their hubbies so would be safe to have them thre for a short time)

i think it is sweet that your dd is so excited and protective and i think its a great idea to have her introduce new bub to others. Could your mum be your dd's support person? If you dont want them in the room at the actual time of birth, when born your hubby could go out and get just dd, and tell your mum that you need dd to meet bub first and that dd will introduce bub to her?

I have heard a few mums on here have had there little ones with them at the birth and its been great. Atleast if you have someone with your dd and something doesnt go the way you wanted it, then you do have someone there to take your dd out.
I don't think its ok to bring your child with you because how scary would that be for her?!

She would be witnessing you in alot of pain, blood, scary machines and people. And at the end is her new sibling, doesn't seem like a good way to start a relationship.

Plus you'd need someone to look after her and if that's going to be your mum either way then your dd would be better off at your mums house where she can play and relax. Plus if it would be your mum watching her either way then either way shell be one of the first to see bub.

Why not just explain to your mum that you'd like your dd to be the first to see bub and once they've bonded she can come and meet the baby. She could just wait in the hall or visitors room until you're ready.

(Noddy's not fat ffs!)

Hi there smile
I understand how u feel... within the last 48hrs i had my lil girl in wellington. Also i had my 3yo at the hospital with us and would have had our 9yo there too if he had not been at a sleepover... anyway

In nz its ur right to have who you wish at the hospital whether it be your family child or just need to make it aware to your midwife prior that ur lil one may be presesnt and you will also need another person who can mind them for you. as we all know sometimes u cant wait for a minder or drop a child off on way to hosp when in just makes it easier to have someone come with you both.

what we did was i had my sister come to hospital with us so my partner could support me during labour.

where are u in nz? all nz hosp should have a family room ,

i had a waterbirth and was three min apart by time getting to hosp so i had my sister take our 3yo to the support/family room they watched tv were playing and havn lotsa milos and snaks lol . there was no way we coulda had time nor patience to rwly on someone coming to the home as we vasucally had to gt up n go so and it was great as once i had baby my sister brought in our son to meet his sister and he was soo happy when he saw her it just made everything so much easier havn my sister there and was so good seeing my sons face when he wallked in.

basically its upto u but talk to ur mw.its not like ur toddler has to b stuck in the room with u thy shld b free to cm n go unless obviously theres a reason ur mw needs the toddler to be out of the room.
remeber ...
have a bag ready for ur toddler too with
,blanket,snaks and drink...couple lil toys they like and know are theirs but not alot tho some family rooms are small areas and if possible have ur person to care for them avail to ether stay wur due week or very close on call on way to hosp makn things easy and stress free for u too.

Goodluk n sorry my reply is so long.
I know a few people who have taken siblings in with them while labouring and giving birth, with positive experiences, the older sibling felt like they were really a part of what was happening.
If you feel its getting too intense for them like pp said there is always the family room. I guess it also depends on how you labour? like if your quite calm or more screaming the house down type of labourer. To not upset your Mum you could also ask her to come along and look after older child.
My midwife and I were talking about this the other day, because if my labour progresses as it last time, and in the middle of the night we may have no other option but to take DD with us with no extra person, and she'll be almost 1 at that stage. Not the ideal situation but may have to happen.

Thank you guys, after really hashing this out with my hubby I think the reason I want to take her to the hospital is that I can't be bothered dealing with my mum if she takes offense to what I want about her not coming to the hospital right away. So thank you for the advise about taking her to the hospital (and you are right in nz I can take my daughter but it is curtious to let your middy know) and if I needed an extra person there to support my dd it would be my mum so not really a solution!! Now I just need to figure out how to get this across to my mother... Hmmmm wish me luck smile
Hmm that's a tough one, it it were me I would just not tell her once I'd given birth until I was ready to see her I think. Good luck!

The Only thing about doing that is she is the only me who I can leave m two year old with, last time I had multiple days of labour as well as 12 hours in hospital before baby was born so i do see it is unfair on the wee one to take her. Especially as she does get quite upset when I am hurt. And I want her to visit first without my mum, so my hubby will stay with me until we are done in delivery (settle me in post natal) and then he will go and get my daughter from my mums, who I don't want to come to the hospital for a couple hours after, with her knowing that the baby is born because we got her. Maybe i am just being pathetic but this means a lot to me (maybe it won't in the long run but it does right now!) I want my daughter to have a few hours with her sibling and her mum and dad before everyone comes and sees the baby.
Yeah probably best not to take her on those circumstances but that sounds like a good solution, completely normal to feel that way to want some time just you guys!

I would just tell my mum that my hubbys coming to pick her up as soon as bubs born as we want to have a bit of family time together before everyone comes to visit , as this is what you want it shouldnt matter what your mum thinks if she has a problem its not your fault , some mothers can be selfish and overrule you for the rest of there lives , funny but true being a mum you can kinda understand but she needs to step back a bit its your choice dont let her make you feel bad and if she says anything about it just tell her its not about what she wants of course you want her ther but not straight away youd like some time to recover and time for your younger one to start a bond with bubby . im sure if she loves you shell understand , i told everyone to wait until i got home to visit especially friends , my partners mum was at the birth because unlike some my mother in law is a beautiful person and thinks of me as her own (seceretly) i wish i had a mum like her ) and my mum lives in NZ so it was hard to get her over in a hurry . But as far as visitors were concerned i diddnt want anyone whilst i was bonding with baby to come in and keep me awake or interupt the most precious time . Not being a nasty and just saying what you want people should understand youve just gone through the most traumatic experience in your life so what you want is cerntanly to be accepted smile id hate for my mum to be there because shed be all over everything , wanting to know everything as shes that kinda person it would so stressfull so the less people the better xxx
in new zealand (and australia im assuming) if you tell your midwife and the midwife in charge at the hospital that you dont want any visitors other than your children and hubby, they more often then not come up with a reason as to why you cant have visitors until you give them the go ahead to let others in to see you and your new arrival.
that way you dont get upset or harassed by family for not being let in.

hope that helps smile

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