Hi there, I have a 9 yearold stepdaughter, a 2 yearold daughter & a baby. The issue I have is that lately my stepdaughter has been behaving badly towards my 2 yearold. She deliberately dobs on her all the time (it's constantly "she did this/that, she's doing this/that, should she be doing this/that" & it's over things that don't affect her anyhow (e.g. my daughter took a piece of fruit to eat or spilt a drink, or got out of her chair at the dinner table), she's just constantly dobbing & deliberately questioning everything she does with her father & I all the time. When someone praises my daughter for good behaviour, she immediately says something to put her down & take away from the compliment (e.g. thankyou for sharing. Stepdaughter: but she doesn't share her toys, she should share her blanket. Or; well done getting your colours right. Stepdaughter: but she gets red & white mixed up), she likes pointing out her mistakes & putting her down. My daughter is pretty independent & off playing with toys etc & not hanging around us, but anytime anyone does give her any attention, my stepdaughter will immediately but in & take over & make it about her, even im trying to parent my daughter (e.g. my daughter sleeps with a dummy but isn't allowed it during the day & she had one oneday, so i asked her where she got it, & my stepdaughter butted in & snatched the dummy out of her mouth. It's the same when i ask my daughter to do something or try to play with her, anytime anyone does). My stepdaughter gets lots of love & attention from her father & i, & im always telling her that we love her very much & the same as her siblings. We do activities with her, I've tried really hard...but no matter what, she just seems to be jealous of or threatened by my daughter. My husband is overly soft with her & doesn't like her being pulled up, even gently, so alot of the time i feel i can't...and he does nothing, so she gets away with it. He's tough on our 2 yearold though & yells at her for everything & anytime she annoys her big sister or is too rough with the baby, which is fine & she needs to be told (i do it to her too), but it's not fair of him to treat my stepdaughter differently & pull her up when she's doing the wrong thing. My stepdaughter's mum is having similar troubles with my stepdaughter & her little daughter, though not as badly, because she & her husband are strict & ontop of it straight away, & their little daughter is older/old enough to tell her big sister to stop it or leave her alone. I'm really stressed & frustrated with her behaviour & my husband's attitude. Please help!
Can I just reassure you that this is not a stepdaughter/ my children thing. This is typical 8/9 year old behaviour. I have one in that age group, and he is exactely like that with out four year old. It is a stage; kids are incredibly annoying in so many ways at this age - my mum told me once that age 8 is the most annoying age, and I agree. My older two have come out the other side just fine but they were horribly annoying at that age also. It will pass.