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troubles with the inlaws Lock Rss

i put this post in toddlers and relationships too

i have a 3 yr old boy from a previous relationship. And have just had another baby 4 months ago. Joshua is the 3 yr old, charlie the newborn. before charlie was born, my partners family would always go out of there way, to interact with josh when we went up there. they would call me up to see how we were going.. Since charlies been born, i get no phone calls, she speaks to my partner about anything relating to me, or coming down for a visit. Joshuas been pushed to the side, by my partner first few weeks, with not helping me with josh.. so i was sore from a c section, trying to breastfeed, AND look after a jealous toddler. i wasnt able to bf in the end, was too demanding having no help.

Now joshuas going through that terrible 3 age. showig aggression towards ppl, and very defiant. ive had him assesed for any mental disorders, and he has none. the paediatrician seems to think its anxiety. and hes picking up on how hes being left out alot. joshsuas a normal child around me and my family, second i get him around the inlaws, he shouts ove rthe top of ppl, wont leave them alone, shoves his toys in there face for attention, and they wont spend that ten minutues doing somethingwith him, like everyone else i know does.. yet theyll coo and ohh and aah over charlie when were thre, and wont put him down

one incident id like to bring up is yesterday's. we went up there for lunch, i was on edge as it was, as i knew how hed e treated.. i took his books games, crayons, so hed have something to do. noone looked twice at him to try and interact. so i sat with him all day and kept trying to take his attention off them. so they wouldnt get annoyed with him. he would do things, run and show them, and theyd go oh thats nice jsh, and that would be it.it was me doing the praising and interacting, like i always love to do.

now they were holding charlie as usual, and josh went over andwas kissing him and cuddling him. and he got a bit hard, as most kids do, normally i say, thats too hard josh, a little softer, how about like this and show hi.instead my partner pushed him off him, and charlie started howling.

a few mins later they noticed blood in charlies ear, and a deep scratch on charlies head, from joshs nails.. as he was pushed awya. josh was showing no agression, wasnt in a bad mood, it was an accident. so of course, charlie was made a huge fuss over.htey went and got he antiseptic.from then on it was "naughty josh" and "poor charle" "look how youre brthers hurt u". i was nearly in tears, my partner came back out an dsaid, look what hes done kat, and began to rant, so i cracked it and said thats it, were going home.

once we ogt home, the mil rang up, to further bich im guessing, and to tell ryan josh had bitten his grandma. and they didint want to make a fuss over it there. so shes rang ryan first, to get him on her side, rather then tell me at the time he did it and let me discipline him then, so he learns... i was never told whether it was in agression, which i dont think so, im guessing it was a nip, more out of ejalousy. then i got the "why dont u watch him kat, u know he bites ppl sometimes, u NEED to watch him. got completely lectured. as tho i didnt even talk to josh all day. i cant watch him every second of the day.. and coz it wasnt made a fuss over, it may of been a gentle nip like i siad, when i was in the room. so i got attacked as usual and got upset, and walked out with josh to the park..

i dont know how to deal with this between the boys, i feel its only going to get worse, whether its about sibling bullying as they get older.. or praising one if therye better at something. i cant talk to my partner about it..
I feel for you. I have a dd from a previous relationship and often wonder if i had another baby how would my current partners family act? My ex has no part in my dd's life so my partner has bascially stepped in which is great but i do often worry about when we have baby will he be the same towards her? will there a noticable favourite? i feel for you i hope that you can get through this with your famliy but sometimes you jus need to say something even though you may look like the worse person in the world. maybe try to talk to them about it i guess............. sorry not much help but hope the situation gets better...
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