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my son and adhd....feel so alone Lock Rss

Hi guys this is my first time on here and would love any help from you as I feel that everyone is washing there hands of us.

We found out late last year that my son who was 8 at the time has ADHD as well at APD he got put on medication as a last resort, we had tried everything, diets, good behaviour charts, nothing seemed to work.

Well the medication seemed to work and life was great no propblems at school, he was making friends. But I got pulled into the school on friday to be told he was upsetting other children with his behaviour, other kids parents had come to the school to compain about him, and he was really behind in his work.

I was very shocked that she had not said anything sooner and she sat there with a long list of things he had done, all I could do was sit and lissen and think to myself here we go again, the teacher he had last year wasnt very understanding to his needs and before we found out he had ADHD he was embrassed a number of times by her in front of the whole class, when we went down to the school and complained to the head teacher, she didnt want to know and fobbed us of, beacause it was close to the year ending we just kept going. The teacher he had this year is friends with the one from last year, and I know for a fact she was taking to her about my son, last year as she was over heard.

Any way when I asked if there was any help for my son, she said no...there was nothing the school could do. My question is, is this correct can a school just falt out not offer any help and just wash there hands of you, just beacause you learn differently? I was also shocked to find out that he gets treated the same as other kids and when he cant do the work, he gets left behind. Is there any help out there????

please help I just want the best for my son
i dont really know to be honest, but i would be looking around for a school that IS willing to help.

Other mums on here will be able to help tho

good luck on this difficult journey
Thank you so much for your answers APD is Auitory Processing Disorder, my son has a heart of gold and would do anything for anyone, he doesnt mean to upset anyone and said to me that he wishes he didnt have ADHD, he feels that there is somthing really wrong with him and asked me a number of times, Am I normal??? I said yes you are you just have trouble learning the same way as other kids. I am Dislexlic and I to found it hard at school. What makes a child normal any way?? I cant imagtion what is going on in his little head and try my hardest to understand, If anyone can help me with that, that would be great.

When he has acted before thinking and has so much reget over what he has said or done and really doent mean it.

It really upsets me that the school dont seem to care as if they want us to leave as they cant be bothered any more, he seemed to get more help before we knew what was wrong. I am not sure if they are living in the dark ages. When he is at home and its one on one we can keep him under control with no meds, its hard dont get me wrong, but he loves one on one time. To me they put way to many kids in one class and the teachers just dont have the time. But to be told, hes behind with his work....but no there is no help for him.....really.

, my self and my husband have allways been hard working people and work full time to make ends meet and when we want somthing back we get nothing, surely this cant be right. He is a lovely child and if he gets no suport what the hell is he going to turn into?? I just feel like there isnt enough understanding or support for children like my son they just get labeled, THAT NAUGHTY BOY. and its so not the case.

I feel that more should be done to make people realise what it really means, and if I have to I will shake the whole world and tell them myself.

sorry for my rant and thanks again for taking out your time to write a reply its great to talk to people that understand me.

kind regards Jo
What a horrible way for you and your son to be treated! im so sorry for this, my mum had the same problem with my aspergers brother for a very long time, until she changed schools. I have a lot of friends who have adhd kids or aspergers kids and they are lovely children!! A few of them have had the same problem with school, they also changed !!
no child should ever be made to feel like you or your son has. Maybe try contacting the board of education and bring to their attention how unhelpfull and cold this school and principal are behaving?If nothing else works change schools!!
I agree wth Hippomum, his teachers should be ashamed of themselves! And do look into the funding, if you have that the school gets a good chunk each semester to put towards his needs for teachers aid and extra resources and they could even use it to send some of these very shallow minded teachers to some seminars on dealing with special needs kids!! This even appllies with my diabetic girl and school.
My mum always told my brother the same thing you have told your son, he is as normal as anybody else, what is normal these days anyway lol?? you are doing a wonderful job and should not feel alone, we are all here!! good luck and i hope you can get it sorted out! smile

Thank you for the hugs Hippo, I needed them lol, Thanks for all your answers and your support.
The last thing I want to do is change schools because my son doesnt want to. But I am going to look into all options, but first of all I am going to give the school a kick up the bumb, I have a friend who is a teacher at another school, I asked her what help there was with children there, and guess what there is heeps of help, so I will put it in writting and she is going to look over the letter for me, asking for help. We will see what I get back. I want answers and if I dont get any where I might even contact Today Tonight, I know I am thinking big, but hey worth a try.
Thanks again for your suport, I was sat feeling sorry for myself before joining and had given up, but you guys have made me stronger and want to fight, it just goes to show you what a little bit of support and understanding can do xxx

jo xxxx
And thanks for the link, I am looking at it and will made some phone calls xxx
My son has Auditory Processing Disorder also, and each state has funding available for the school to provide a teachers assistant. I cannot afford a private school as much as I would love, to but public are still able to access these funds. I had to move my son to a different school as the last one was drawing on the funds but not really assisting. Best way is to keep on them and make sure you are updated on what new strategies they are applying.

Since moving him he has lots of friends, doesnt inturupt class (this is usually a cry for help due to frustration) and is doing so much better. You just need to be a pain- its your son, and they should be more helpful!!

Good luck.
We also live in SA.My niece has ADHD (the only one with a problem in her class) had to change schools to another nearby where they had specialist teaching for several pupils and more school counsellors available. Some students in higher grades who were really talented and ahead in their grades also volunteered and read to them whilst assisting them with their reading. Unfortunately the one that did this one-on-one with my niece was murdered in very tragic circumstances. Initially she disrupted class off and on all day when she started school. We actually suspected she had some type of problem because as a baby as she often "got the shakes" while we were changing her nappy after she woke up from a sleep, even in warm weather. We checked and knew she defniitely wasn't cold in any way. They took her to the Dr. and he could find nothing wrong with her. She was also fairly active and other Drs. also said that was all it was. Her Dad discovered that one of her triggers was ordinary cheese. I heard of another child whose trigger was potato (a grandparent discovered that - the child was until about 1/2 hr after eating it - then it was look out !!), another it was chewing gum. Some children with ADHD get so frustrated that they become violent. They can be very strong and "not know their own strength". I was helping my niece with reading once and she was sitting on my lap as she often did. She suddenly hit me on the head with the book (it wasn't a small one either) and bounced up and down on my legs. I didn't know where I hurt the most. On that occasion I was glad to see her go home after a few other incidents. She also bashed her Mother's hand with a meat tenderiser on one occasion and bruised it badly. It was Xrayed because the Dr. thought it was it swelled up very quickly. At one stage she also had a fetish for sharp knives.......I hope none of these events ever occur, I am just relating our experiences. She was also referred to a phyciatrist after recommendation of the Education Dept. who put her on medication. The levels were tested via blood test regularly. However one of them actually made her worse. One difficult phase is if they have to be weaned off one and go on another one which could result in hospital supervision - probably safest. Unfortunately sometimes it is difficult to decipher whether behavious is ADHD related or just naughtiness. Sometimes as they get older and understand the problem they tend to "play on it" and use it as an excuse to "muck up". I remember one occasion when her Grandma was minding her at her place for a few days and she did something dangerous so Grandma asked her to please not do it (I was there on that occasion). Missy turned around and said "I'm ADHD" After Grandma took a deep breath she replied "that is no excuse for what you just did - you know it is wrong and stopped doing that a long time ago". On one occasion she also behaved so badly in high school that she was referred to a special behavioural unit at another high school for 3 weeks. The Govt. provided free transport both ways. Following high school, she went to special classes at a place called Fourth Story (also Govt. run as far as I know) which I think was training in how to gain employment...but a few years later she bragged to me that she used to get her name marked off the roll,at the school, then leave part way through the day. As there was change of subjects and teachers during the day it wasn't noticed, ans went home by bus at the normal time..She did a couple of "placements" which she said she enjoyed but never got employment. She happily lives on disability pension. She is capable of working if she set her mind to it............I hope you never encounter any of these problems....It is very nerve wrecking for you as parents and others who care for them.
hi oh dear they are not very accomodating at all..
sounds like they have alot of kids to teach and they dont have the resources but they should be understanding and wanting to help your son in everyway possible
perhaps a change of school and a new plan of action is needed!
Wow some of the storys you guys have told me, helps me alot it makes me feel like I am not alone. My son to plays on his ADHD there not silly,lol But like you say somtimes there is no excuse for there actions and your right its hard to find the thin line, are they being naughty or is it ADHD.

Well the good news is I found some help from a very sepical lady that deals in children with learning difficultys, I met her through a friend of a friend.

Turns out the school should of done a Individual leaning plan or, NEP,NCP or whatever they want to call it. If this had been done last year they could of clamed money for him to help him during class, shocking that they didnt. also I found out that my son has been moved to the back of the class, which anyone who knows about APD knows its a big no no.He should be at the front to aviod distractions. The lady also told me to get the school to fill out a form when he does naughty things with the date and time, what happened before the event, what he did, and what was the pubishment. And to do this at home, to try and find out abit more whats going on in his little mind.She also said about my son keeping a diary about things that upset him and that no one else can read it but him, unless he wants anyone to read it.

I took him to the show yesterday just me and him, he begged me not to have any meds, what better place for him to be where he can run around and be a kid, we had a wonderful day and he really enjoyed himself.

Thank you all for your suport and your storys sending you all big hugs, and now that I have this new information the school better watch out cause they have a woman with a mission on there hands lol

Hello I am very instrested in the diet you talk about, my son used to suffer alot from tummy pains it was right after he had the MMR jab any way after seeing lots of doctors and got no where we ended up seeing a naturalpath who put him on a gulten free diet, he was on it for a few months and it worked, his tummy sorted itself out, the trouble was finding food for him, what meals do you do for your son??? smile

I have dealt with a number of schools through work and the support that differs from one school to the next is absolutely staggering. Some schools are absolutely fantastic and will go out of their way to help and support students and their families and others try to fob off every little problem on to someone else. The big difference is usually the principal. Get a good one and it can turn the entire school around and bad one can send a school crumbling.

I know you said your son doesn't want to change schools and it suck that you should even have to consider it, but at the same time if you push things to far the school could become resentful and make things more uncomfortable for your son so it's something I'd keep an eye out for and if it comes to that you may have to make a harsh decision based on his long-term best interests.

One of the PPs mentioned Catholic schools and I have to say through my experiences they are generally hands down much more supportive then other types of schools. Most of them, especially at primary school level are fairly reasonably priced as well.

In regards to diet even with ADHD there are different triggers for different kids. I actually did a quick google search because I've recently heard a lot about foods containing salicylates (common in fruit and vegetables) having a huge impact on kids with ADHD. I did the search initially to check my spelling and information and I actually came across this site that contains a table in relation to food which can affect children with ADHD and the percentage of children the diffeent food groups affect. The link to the site is:

I'll also put in a little disclaimer though that any changes to a child's diet should be done in consultation with a doctor as the diets can be quite limiting and the frustration cause by this can in itself have a negative impact on a child's behaviour.

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