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Am I overreacting?????? Rss

So I've just gotten through 4 days of having my brother in law stay with us. Very long story short, he is the "black sheep" of the family - got into drugs a long time ago, lost his licence for over 10 years for stealing cars & crashing them etc etc etc. This was all before I met DH, but DH has always gotten hurt by the actions of his brother so has never trusted him.

Anyway, to my point. When his brother arrived, he was acting weird and went straight to his room, we didn't see him until the next day. Overnight he vomited in his bed - ewwwww! He was a bit more "normal" the next day, but he really is one weird character. I didn't trust him at all so when he was out I went through his bags (pleeeeease don't judge me), and I found ........ liquid methadone!!!!! OMG, what the!!! He still lives with his folks even though he's over 30 and no-one thought to mention it to us given we have small children????? I was furious, didn't know what to do. I managed to bite my tongue and just watch him like a hawke all weekend, even slept in my DD's room just in case! Anyway, I'm thinking of ringing his dad to ask if he knew he was taking it. If he did, I feel the need to tell the in laws how disgusted I am that no-one told us before and that he won't ever be staying at our house again. The only reason I didn't throw him out on the spot was cause I didn't want a big nasty fight in front of the kids.

Given I have two girls, 2 and 6, I'm not overreacting am I?
Thanks HappyHead, I'm sorry too! I was expecting it be uncomfortable as DH's family always leave our house dirty, don't clean up after themselves, etc, but this was ridiculous!!
I'm chickening out about ringing my father in law. I would feel extremely uncomfortable and don't know how he'd react. I also suspect he knows all about it given my brother in law's past so I would find it hard not to really have a go at him. I'm thinking of making DH do it instead.
What a disgusting pig!! Why did he have to stay with you, was it a social visit or did he have nowhere else to go?

I agree that your DH should speak to his father & under no circumstances let him stay at your house again.
i dont think your overreacting at all. i cant believe someone would bring drugs into a home where there are little kids. its just not right. you have every right to be angry. i would be.

It is your house and your family and that gives you the right to have whomever you like to stay or not. I think it is important to remember however that if he is on methodone then he is trying to become clean and stop his illeagal opiate use and may have "turned over a new leaf". Having said that only you and your husband can say if you think he has really changed.

While at university I have met a few opiate addicted people and their families (through studies we were conducting), it is truly awful to see the destruction it causes. The good news is that I have seen a few true stories of redemption with the addicts going on to have prodcutive lives with loving families, the bad news however is it often took a few attempts at "getting clean" for it to happen and each time it broke their families hearts and cost a great deal (either though money or emotional cost). Worse still are those that never make it.

Maybe you should sit down and have an honest conversation with your husband and brother-in-law, also that would give you a chance to expalin your worries about having the methodone around the children. As I said though, at the end of the day it is your decision and really all depends on what you think/feel is best smile

sorry for the long reply!

Thanks ladies. I have decided to email my FIL. My DH's family are not very good at talking about things, actually they don't talk much at all so I feel it's up to me to address it!. Will let you know the outcome ......
I may have replied a little too late on this one however a different way that you could approach it is say to his parents that you are worried that their son may have had a few symptoms of an overdose the other night when he vommited while he was in bed.Thats what it sounds like.And that you are concerned for his health and wellbeing and for your childrens also.Kids are curious and they love looking where they are not allowed to especially in friends handbags not to mention their own uncles whom they look up to in life(well suppose to be able to anyway) etc and you dont want them to get hold of any wrong horrible things.You have definately not overeacted on this one your protection instincts are on high alert and they have every good reason to be.
An update ladies. I emailed my FIL and explained exactly what happened. I didn't say I went through BIL's bag though, I said DD who is 2 was looking in his bag as it was on the floor with zips undone and I found the stuff when I went to tidy up for him.

FIL rang me and we had a really good talk about it all. It's not the first time BIL has relapsed, and FIL was really glad I told him and said no hard feelings and I had every right to expect my kids to be safe. So not sure if anything will come of it, but at least FIL know sthe full story and knows we don't want BIL staying here again so I feel a lot better and glad I did it.
I hate to say it but given his age and the fact that he's been helped before etc, I don't really think he will ever be off everything.

Dani + 1 the only reason I stopped myself from throwing him out on the spot was I didn't know how he'd react! I know drugs can alter your mindset and stuff so was a bit scared of what he might do to us or himself.
Do you realise that methadone is the drug prescribed by drs to help drug users come off drugs????? You really should have looked up what is was before having a freak out about this. He might genuinely be trying his best to get clean and its not going to help if the family is going to jump down his neck for taking methadone to help him do it.

Methadone is also addictive which can be a problem in itself, but it is a prescription only drug so he wouldn't be on it unless he had asked for help for a drug addiction. It's to help lessen the withdrawal symptoms and make getting clean slightly more bearable. Drug withdrawal can also cause seizures so this is why people need the help of medication to get clean.

His behaviour and the vomit is a pretty good sign he was withdrawing... If he was high and having a great time he wouldn't have just wanted to go to bed and stay there.

chalys 'n' J wrote:
Do you realise that methadone is the drug prescribed by drs to help drug users come off drugs????? You really should have looked up what is was before having a freak out about this. He might genuinely be trying his best to get clean and its not going to help if the family is going to jump down his neck for taking methadone to help him do it.

Unless it had his name on it, I'd be skeptical... My brother gets his hands on prescription only methadone too, not his. He is an addict. All the people i have known that have been on it have had to go daily to a dispensing pharmacist.
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