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Do you ring the BF when in Labour or not Lock Rss

Hi I discovered I was pregrant when oversea on a one year hoilday. the bf was back in nz and when I rang him and told him that I was pregrant he said he didn't want this baby. I have decide to keep the Baby and go it alone. Someday are harder than others. My trouable is I want his name on the birth cerficate but how do I get the BF to sign it. We were great friends before all this and help each other thru lots. Do i ring him when I going into labour or afterwards. I would like him there just don't think he wants to be there. I know he is angry at what has happen but It feels right for me. But have other single mothers done. thanks for reading
Hi,

I haven't been in this situation but just wanted to say that you should do what you feel is right for you.

If you want to ring the guy when you go into labour (and can still talk!) then go ahead. I would advise against it though if you think he may say something mean that will upset you... you don't want to go into labour being sad... that will only make things harder for you.

I guess if it were me... i'd want to call when i went into labour but would prob leave it until after. You can call him up and let him know what he has and that you don't want anything from him except his name on the birth certificate so your child knows who's the father.

Good Luck with this all by the way!
This is a very exciting thing for you and you have made the right decision on keeping your baby even if you are going it alone! This child will be all you'll need soon enough and life will just get better and better!

smile J

I havent been in this situation but just go with what feels right, if you want to ring him then ring him.

As far as I know he doesnt have to sign the birth certificate, you complete a form (after the hospital provides a certificate) and lodge it with Births, Deaths & Marriages and then they provide the formal birth certificate.
Hi,

I too have not been in this exact situation but I did split with my daughter's father when she was 2 years old and have gained a wealth of experience over the past 9 years from separation.

Everyone will have a different opinion and some will agreee with me and some will not. My opinion would be the spare yourself the risk of being hurt if you do call him when you go into labour but him saying something to upset you, just SMS him (if you can) and that way it puts the ball in his court. You have then told him and he is free to make the next move. Depending on how that goes, I would then inform him of the baby's arrival, name, weight, sex, etc. As if he does not what anything to do with the baby now, he may look back and kick himself later on but atleast you have made all the attempts to have him involved and he can not blame you from restricting him from knowing his child.

You use to be able to lodge the Birth Certificate details without the fathers consent, and you use to be able to lodge them without the father's name on the papers. But i would check with the state's/territory's BDM to find out what is required. I think you would find that this is still the case as there would be many cases out there where a father would refuse to sign the birth certifcate.

Speaking from experience, I would make sure that your baby has the same surname as yourself, it makes life so much easier for yourself and your child - especially when they start school. If you have his name on the birth certificate and use his surname for the baby, you will have to have his consent for any change of name. And this is not an easy process no matter how good of friends you are.

Say for example that you go through life without the father and your child wants to know their father when they are old enough, it is worth having the father's name and details on the birth certificate that way they can track them down themself should they wish too. This way you child will never blame you for not letting them know who their father is.

My other suggetion would be to sent photos and letters regular to the father and continue to do so even if they go unanswered. This way the father might realise what he is missing out on and might decide at his own will to be part of your child's life. Your child will decide when they are old enough if they wish to continue the relationship with their father or not.

Unfortunately the way the family law is at the moment in Australia, a lot of pressure is placed on a child to do things that their parents and the court tell them to do. It's one law for every family and it does not take into consideration every case is differnt to the next. The laws are wrong this way.

Your child will have this pressure from birth and whilst your child is too young to make decisions for themself, you will have to make them on behalf of your child. Sometimes they will seem right and turn out wrong and other times it will turn out right. You can only do what you think is best for your child and this has obviously started from "Do you ring the BF when in Labour or not". I would atleast inform the father as detailed above but build yourself a fantastic support network around you, as you will always need that from here onwards.

If you need to chat, just PM me.

Good luck.

Lyss


Boo Boo's Mum,

Totally agree ... with all of it! lol!

smile J
[Edited on 31/12/2008]
Boo Boos Mum's advice sounds good! I think the best is to notify the father when you go into labour, even if you get someone else to (the last thing you'll want to do is ring people!) to save getting upset, and don't ask for a response.

If you give him opportunities, then it's his decision or his loss, and not yours or your baby's.

The surname same as yours sounds like a good idea too, when reading other posts about how hard it is to change it later on.

When my DS was born (I'm married) I filled in the paperwork and signed it, and I don't really remember my husband having to sign anything - it just has to be lodged by one person, but that is Qld so it may be different elsewhere. The hospital should be able to answer any questions.

Good luck and I hope all goes well for you!

My biological father has never had anything to do with me, my mum had a similar situation to yours...

I would not call him, as someone else said it may upset you.

Perhaps write him a letter/email stating your due date and the hospital you are attending, then let him make the contact. Hey, you have enough to do on the day of your babys arrival!!

Good luck.

Matilda Jane, Feb 08 and Charlotte Rose, Dec 09

Thanks for the advice It has given me some things to think on. It is hard deciding what to do. My friends have been great and are there for me. I guess it just wanting the bf invlovment would be nice. I figure I will txt him or get one of friends to tell him and leave the rest to him. And whatever happens, happens. Just wanted to say thanks for replying and to all the others too.
You're welcome... and Good Luck! grin

smile J
hey
i've been in this situation. broke my heart and was a very difficult time.
all i can say is do what you feel is right...regardless of anyone else, if you want to call him when you go into labour then do so, if you want to wait until after you have given birth and then call him then do that, but just remember he knows you are pregnant, and has the ability to pick up the phone and ring you, ask you how you are going, how your feeling and when bub is due etc etc.
you cannot force someone to do or be someone they dont want to be. that is one thing i have learnt. of course, i wanted my bf to be there, to be a proper father in his childs life and with a bit of luck for me n him to be together as well. didnt happen. stop making excuses for him. he may be angry or in shock, but what about you...stop putting yourself last, your the one that is pregnant and is going this alone.
as for the birth certificate..again you cant force him to sign this and if he doesnt sign it then he doesnt go on it. that may break your heart and hurt but you have to take things as they come.
the few months after you have bub are probably going to be quite difficult emotionally, along with physically and mentally etc. do what is right for you, stay strong and accept help from your family and friends.
dont no if i have been any help.
best of luck to you.
you'll have your hard days, but youll have plenty more happy days ahead.

Danni, WA,

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