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Advice PLEase Rss goes. I just need some advice from outsiders that don’t know me or my sons father. I split with my sons dad nearly 6 months ago now because he was not doing the right thing my me and his son…to cut a long story short, he would go out every weekend on a Friday night and not return home until Monday morning. He would drink and take drugs. He lost his job about 12 months ago because he was always too hung over to go and got very lazy just laying around on the lounge all day. He didn’t ever help me with his son and I was supporting our family by myself plus being a fulltime mum. He ended up joining a bikie gang and started to sell drugs and do other criminal acts to make money to go out and party. I had a feeling that he was being unfaithful to me and I caught him out one day. I finally had enough and realised that I didn’t want my son growing up in this environment. I asked him to leave and he did. About 6 weeks after he left he had to move away to QLD [I live in NSW] as he had a 100 grand hit on his head as he got himself into some sort of trouble with another bikie gang [geez this sounds like a freaken movie]. Anyway he went with some other woman and her son. He hardly ever called me to show interest in his own son. I would give photos of our son to his mum to send up to him, just so he can see how well our son is doing [I don’t even know why I bothered]. He was up there for about 3 months and it didn’t work out with this other woman [surprise surprise] and now he is back in NSW. He is giving me a lot of problems and he is so far gone on drugs I cant believe it. He still has no job, no money [he has never paid me a cent of child support] and he is still involved in this bikie gang. I have let him spend time with his son, but he has just gone a bit crazy. One minute he is fine then the next he clicks it over nothing and yells screams and abuses me. He begged me to give him another chance and I said that I don’t have those feeling for him anymore and he just lost it. He told me that he was going to put bullets in my knees and stomach, then he turned around and apologised…he has just completely lost the plot. I really don’t want him to have access to my son while he is in this state. Do you think that this is going a bit far? I want to tell him that until he sorts himself out and stops taking the drugs etc he cant see our son. I need to protect my son and create a safe and healthy environment for him and this is not stable…do you think I am being unreasonable? Should I still let him see his son when he is in this state?
You are absolutely NOT being unreasonable!!!
Your son's & your own safety is the most important thing.
Keep a diary of when your ex is threatening or abusive so you can use this to get an AVO if needed.
From what you've said, he could be on P which will be making him very unpredictable (and possibly dangerous). Until he cleans himself up, I wouldn't let him anywhere near your son - unless perhaps its a supervised visit in a public place.
If he wants to see his little boy that badly, he will do whatever it takes (get a job, kick the drugs etc).
Good luck.

This man is not healthy for you or your son. I have got 3 kids to my ex who drank heavy, used drugs occassionally, he was a drug addict before I met him. I left him after many years of abuse, physical, mental and sexually.

I got the strength to leave and eventually put a AVO on him so he cant come near me or my kids. by the sound of it, one day he will hurt you. You can put a AVO on him for threatening to shoot you alone, and after stating all the other things that he does it will be granted.

Please do it soon, I am seeing the lasting effects in my son, who witnessed some of the abuse.

Just sit there and imagine what you son will turn out like when he is a adult when he sees what he father does. Do you want your son to be like him. Sorry if that is harsh, but thats what happens.

DS 3/3/00 DS 1/9/01 DD 28/7/03 DD 25/4/09

He may have fathered a child but it doesnt sound like he is being a great father or role model.
The only people that should be around you and your child are people that love and support you and wont harm you.
Put your self in your sons shoes. Does he see a dad who loves him or a monster that yells and scares him? You and him will be far better off without him, just dont let him use stand over tactics to scare you.
Be Strong and Good luck with everything

Mackenzie 06/02/2008

Because he's threatened your life you can put an AVO on him right away, which if i were you I would! If he's on drugs that make him unstable you need to make sure you and your son have the protection from law that he cannot come within a certain distance to you. If he breaks the AVO he will be arrested and put in a cell till a court date is set.
As said before keep a diary of any calls or times you see him in your are and recieve any form of abuse!
I hope for your sake that he disapears from your and your sons life until he sorts himself out! You both deserve better!!! good luck!
[Edited on 05/06/2009]

I don't mean to be blunt in what i am going to say i just have been there and seen what happens far too often as a childcare worker.
You are not being unreasonable at all you need to protect both yourself and your son. You need to take out a protection order or an AVO against him and seek advice about getting full custody and supervised visits for him so that you are not alone with him and your son incase one of his threats turns out to be true when he just snaps.
Child Protection will tell you to keep him away from your son at all costs especially if he is high on drugs and threatening physical violence against you or your son.
You need to think of it as that you are protecting not only yourself but your son, you need to do whats right for both of you. He has already threatened physical violence against you which isn't right at all, and you can't put your son in that kind of environment. You need to think about the what if's as in What if he does snap? What is he capable of? I know this might sound harsh but you need to keep away from him even if it means moving and not telling him where you are.

I hope everything works out
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