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Family Issues Rss

I am 35 years old and having my first baby (due in 2 weeks). My mother who lives interstate is going to visit. She wants to be here and see the baby within a few hours of being born. I will be having a caesarean. I have asked to have the first 24 hours with no visitors, this is also what the doctor has recommended to aid recovery. I have also asked for the first 2 weeks after the birth to be time for myself, my partner and baby to bond i.e no-one stays with us during this time but we are more than happy to have visitors. My mother is having great difficulty understanding our choices. She was fully aware months ago of our choices but believes it is her right to be there on the day of the birth and stay with us after. I love my mother and understand she is excited to become a grandparent again and I want her to be part of it. It is very upsetting though that she isn't respecting our choices. Any thoughts / comments for dealing with the above?
We had the same request when we had our first. My in laws live overseas so for a moment there we were very...very stressed because the MIL was telling us she would arrive when she wanted and there was nothing we could do about it.

Looking back- I realise there is A LOT we could of done about it. Firstly- I wouldn't of let her stay with us regardless of how far she had travelled. We had told her what we wanted so it was to her own detriment if she had followed through on her threats. You can tell the midwives at hospital that you want no visitors. They will make sure you aren't bothered.

At the end of the day this is your experience. She has had her time as a parent- and yes, she is a grandparent and it's a very exciting time for her too- but this isn't about her. This is about you and your immediate family.

Don't tell her when your section is booked. If that ship has already sailed then I would tell her that your doctor has told you that there will be no visitors for at least 24 hours and your partner will contact her when you're allowed them. Make sure the midwives are aware of the situation.

Good luck and congratulations
Thanks so much. It's been a very stressful time. Really appreciate your advice.
Congrats!! smile Families can be sooooo tricky sometimes. My MIL is a pain in the ass- theres no other way to describe her! she has even told me WHAT DAY I NEED to have our baby & that she will phone the specialist so I can be induced etc on such & such a day as that suits HER best. This is our second baby & with our first we made it clear she wasnt allowed to stay with us (well luckilly my husband did & I didnt have to). She was at the hopsital within 24hours which I didnt mind too much as they had very strict visiting hours- so only 2hours at a time & 2 adults so didnt get crazy. She lives 3hours drive away. Dont budge if you dont want. Agree that you should say dr has said no to visitors- will it really make a difference if baby is 1 day or 2days old? Besides regardless of your birth you will be knackered- its very overwhelming having a baby & I found that visitors would mean I wasnt using time to sleep etc etc & I felt like I needed to 'host' as such. Could you maybe kindly suggest that in a few weeks once your 'settled' she could come & stay then? At the end of the day she should be trying to make it as easy as possible for you & not stressful. Maybe you just need to be straight up & say 'hey thanks, but you would prefer......' . Even though its hard honesty really is the best policy! All the best xxxx
...... also how big is your house? We have a 3bedroom & now can use the excuse we dont have any room for people to stay as kids have 1 room each x
I agree with what tickled pink & mamalove have said.
It's always so hard dealing with family because you don't want to upset them even though they're upsetting you. I think mums forget how hard those first few weeks post birth can be which is strange because they are the ones who should understand best!
I remember when DS was born shortly before mother's day and my mum was annoyed because we didn't do our usual mother's day breakfast for her. I was so very tired and in a lot of pain that I just didn't care and she eventually got over it.
I think you're just going to have to put your foot down. You're about to become a mother and you have to do what's best for you and your little family. Can your hubby talk to her at all? Sometimes hearing it from another person's perspective can help.
Best of luck! smile
It's a hard balance between asking them to respect your wishes and just trying to keep the peace sometimes!
The hospital I stayed in locked off the maternity ward except for 2 hours of visiting a day. I told the midwives I didn't want everyone staying but they all showed up when dd was born and it wasn't visiting hours. The midwife said to me "I can either tell them to come back at visiting time and they will probably stay 2 hours or you can let them into the birthing suite now to see bubs for 5 mins, I'll then usher them out and tell them they have to leave for the day as we monitor you and the baby". I went for option two so ended up with 24 hours to myself after that initial 5 min peek of my dd.
The hospital will help so let your midwife know your wishes and they will control the crowds.
We told everyone from day 3 to stop visiting as dd got jaundice and was on the Bili bed so they couldn't see her anyway.
You will find a way to avoid her at the time if that's what you wish smile it is a special time so I do recommend keeping it as just yourself, hubby and new baby!

Thanks everyone. Mum has now decided to come for a couple of weeks after our time. I think it will be a testing time still but at least the pressure is off for now.
Little Miss Accountant wrote:
Thanks everyone. Mum has now decided to come for a couple of weeks after our time. I think it will be a testing time still but at least the pressure is off for now.


That's great! What a relief smile
That's wonderful.

I hope that all goes well for the birth. Enjoy that special time together.


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